Empire of Sin (Empire #2)(36)

“And you’re trembling.” Gwen motions at my fingers that are clutching the fork and knife, and yup, they’re flat out shaking.

Is this how I’m going to be in public for the rest of my life? A pale, trembling mess who can’t get a hold of her life?

No. I already have control of my life. I’m my own person now.

“Yeah,” I say in a more assertive voice, slowly trying to erase the woman and the rest of the restaurant from my peripheral vision.

Gwen and Chris’s presence helps, because I can use them as crutches.

I feel bad for calling them that, even in my head, but I really wouldn’t have anyone to hold on to if they weren’t here.

“Did you even hear a word we said?” Gwen asks.

“Of course. Chris was taunting you about Nathaniel.”

Gwen’s face turns red and she plays with her spoon on her plate. She’s really not subtle at all about anything Nathaniel. He’s eighteen years older than her and is her father’s best friend and partner. Oh, and her boss, whom she always complains about being too stern, but all of that seems null and void to her. Like none of those obstacles exist and her feelings for him make complete sense.

It’s been about two weeks since she started her internship and those feelings seem to be getting stronger every day.

And the worst part is, Nathaniel is the most stoic, aloof person I know. He’s cold to a fault and seems to be a working machine, so I’m worried that her feelings won’t be returned.

I never thought I’d worry about anyone else besides Babushka and my cousin, but Gwen is the type who jumps in front of you and gives you no choice but to become friends with her.

And the best part? She didn’t choose to be friends with just anyone, even though she could have. This cheerful, albeit a little weird, girl chose me.

Not anyone else. Me.

The knowledge of that makes me feel special in a warm, fuzzy way.

“First of all, it’s Nate. You’re the only one who calls him Nathaniel, Jane. Second of all, Chris is jealous that I’m interning with the managing partner of W&S.”

“I have nothing to be jealous about since I’m interning with the rising star of W&S, Knox. The same Knox you wanted to intern with but couldn’t.”

Gwen slams her cup on the table. “It’s not that I couldn’t. It’s that Nate was being difficult.”

“Whatever. I’m with Knox and we’re having so much fun with the Bell case while you rot in corporate law.”

She pokes him with the spoon. “No need to rub it in.”

Chris pokes her back. “I totally will. This will look so good on my law school application.”

“And so will all the large corporate cases I’m doing with Nate.”

“Boring corporate cases.”

“They’re NOT boring. Don’t you dare call anything Nate does boring or I will kill you in your sleep.”

“But they are! None of them compare to the fun I’m having with Knox. You should’ve seen the way he prepares the case, it’s so strategic and ruthless.”

“Nate is strategic and to the point. There’s no one like him, not even my dad.”

“Knox is better.”

“No, Nate is, and as proof he’s the managing partner.”

“Just because he’s older.”

“Hey!”

“I’m just saying. Knox is better.”

“No, it’s Nate.”

“Knox.”

“Nate.”

They’re both crossing their arms and glaring at each other so hard, sparks fly between them.

Both of them have a tendency to start an argument or debate that goes on for several minutes. Usually, I’d sit there, watching while sipping water.

But the subject of choice is making me all hot today. I want to jump in with Chris and take his side, but then what? Defend Knox?

Why the hell would I do that?

It’s not like he took Sandra’s case out of the goodness of his heart. It’s probably his way to reach for the glory, to be a public figure in front of the flashing cameras.

It’s been eleven days since I told him he can’t fuck me. That I’ll find a replacement.

It was a challenge, mostly empty and out of spite because he was being impossibly arrogant. But maybe he took it as real, because he hasn’t texted me to meet in the supply room since then.

He doesn’t text me, period.

Or talk to me, really.

At first, I ignored him as much as he did me. At the time, I believed it was all part of a game, a push and pull of sorts.

But there’s only been a push.

If I don’t go up to his floor for a spying session, I go a whole day without seeing him.

At some point, I became angry, I became so angry that I considered doing exactly what I threatened. To go to a bar and fuck someone. A stranger. A random person.

Maybe that would ease all the tension gathered in my chest.

But then again, I wouldn’t do something like that out of spite. It’s just wrong.

Like everything lately.

Even my “Oldies” playlist doesn’t sound the same anymore. The songs are too sad, too colorless.

And they shouldn’t be. They’re the most colorful thing in my life. The things that give me the power to push through the day, to create more systems, and just survive.