Empire of Desire(Empire #1)(89)

I inhale, then exhale harshly, staring at him from beneath my eyelashes. “I…I’m scared. I’m scared of making him mad or losing him after I’ve finally got him back. It’s a miracle that he’s home and has recovered so fast, and I can’t…I can’t think of losing him.”

“You won’t. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Really?”

“Have I ever made a promise and not kept it?”

“No, you haven’t.”

“Then trust me one final time.”

“Are you…going to talk to him?”

“It’s about time I do. I waited for him to recover, but I need to be the one who tells him before he goes back to battling with Susan and finds out on his own.”

“Yeah, okay. I get it.”

“We’re going to be realistic here, Gwyneth. He’s probably not going to take it well.”

“Oh, God. He’s…he’s going to be so mad.”

“He will. But I’ll take the heat of it.”

“How…how are you going to do that?”

“I’ll say I convinced you to go ahead with this marriage and you only went along with my plans.”

“But that’s not true. I agreed to this and I’m able to take responsibility for it. I told you to stop treating me like a damn kid, Nate.”

“It’s not about that.”

“Then what is it about?”

“You can’t afford to lose him. He’s your father and your only family.”

That brings tears to my eyes because the meaning behind his words hits me straight in my barely-beating heart. He knows how much Dad means to me, so in order for me not to lose him, he’ll risk losing him.

He’ll risk being tossed aside for me.

He’d rather be abandoned again than have me go through it.

And that hurts. Because he’s not supposed to take the fall for me when he doesn’t do feelings. When he stopped touching me instead of trying to fight for me.

“I’m going to take responsibility for my actions, Nate. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for a fuck buddy.”

A muscle jumps in his cheek and he tightens his jaw. I can tell he’s pining for patience, because he breathes heavily before he speaks. “That’s not what you are, so stop using those fucking terms, Gwyneth.”

“That’s what people my age call a sexual relationship. Fuck buddies. Isn’t that what we were?”

“If you were my fuck buddy, I wouldn’t have honored your demands whenever I saw you. I would’ve pushed you on all fours and fucked you. So no, you’re not a fuck buddy.”

My core tightens at the image he’s planted in my head. I swallow because my heart is taking it as a fake sign to get back to life.

My body is definitely joining in because I’ve missed him. I’ve missed being fucked by him and sleeping in his arms.

But my brain is smarter, because it’s in control and it won’t compromise anymore.

“Then what am I, Nate?”

“The most infuriating person on earth, that’s what you are.”

“Infuriating because I won’t let you touch me?”

“Because you want fucking feelings. Why would you? From me? You know how broken I am. I’m empty, too. Like you said, I don’t like people to get close, because they leave. They fucking leave, Gwyneth. That’s why I don’t do feelings. So you’re not supposed to want them from me.”

“Don’t you understand? It’s because it’s you that I want them, idiot. We’re the same, you and I. That’s why we care about each other’s opinions. That’s why we sleep in each other’s company despite the insomnia. It’s because that emptiness isn’t allowed to make noise anymore, and it’s peaceful and right. Have you been sleeping lately? I haven’t. The emptiness has been so loud and harsh and I’ve missed you, but I’ve hated myself for it because you don’t miss me, too.”

“I do.” His voice is low, barely audible.

“What did you just say—”

Any other words disappear when he grabs me by the face, his strong hands cupping my cheeks as he slams his lips to mine.

A kiss.

He’s kissing me.

I’m so stunned that I can’t think straight. I can’t think about anything except that his lips are on mine. They’re firm and demanding and I open with a moan because he’s feasting on me, his tongue claiming mine while one hand is at my throat and the other is fisting in my hair, pulling it back so he can deepen the kiss. So he can reach places in my soul that I didn’t think existed before.

This is what it feels like to be kissed by Nate. He’s the one who erupts the volcano but doesn’t allow it to turn to ashes.

He’s the one who revives my vanilla heart and lets it breathe properly.

Freely.

With no restraints.

He bites down on my lower lip, and I whimper as he plunges his tongue inside again and pulls my body so it’s flattened against his front.

And I think I can die at this moment.

With him kissing me, claiming me, touching me in the way I always wished he would.

Like he cares.

Like he doesn’t want this to end either.