Effortless (Thoughtless, #2)(16)

Evan stayed until closing, escorting Jenny out when she was done with her duties. Kellan stayed, too. Feet kicked up on a chair, he watched me with a deliciously provocative smile while I wiped off some tables nearby. And Rita watched him just as provocatively.

Yep, everything was back to normal.

Refusing to sleep in my bed again, Kellan drove us to his place instead. A small, peaceful smile was on his lips as he pulled onto his street.

I wasn’t sure if that was because he was coming home after a couple of days, or if he just enjoyed having me come home with him. I supposed it was a little of both.

His tiny, white two-story house was dark as he shut the car off. When we’d all lived there, Kellan, Denny and me, the house had seemed warm and alive with activity. Now that it was just Kellan, the house seemed a little quiet. As Kellan cracked his door, I thought maybe that was the real reason for his smile. Kellan preferred a bustling house. I’d gleaned that out of him when I’d asked him if he’d rent out his room again.

With a slight frown, he’d told me, “I’ve thought about it. But I don’t know…it feels like yours, and I don’t want to give it to someone else.” Those words had warmed me considerably, but when I’d asked him if he needed the rent money, he’d only shrugged and said, “No, renting out the room was never about money.” Sighing, he’d added, “I just don’t like being there alone.”

God, sometimes he just broke my heart.

Stepping into the entryway, my eyes drifted around the familiar space.

It was sort of a double-edged sword for me. I loved being here with 44



Kellan. I loved the memories of cuddling with him on the couch and making love to him in his room, but…Denny was here, too.

His ghost seemed to linger in the spaces he’d been. Leaning against the kitchen counter drinking a mug of tea. Lying back on the couch, watching sports on TV. Showering in the bathroom, sometimes with me. And our room, the first room we’d ever shared as a couple, was the room that Kellan refused to rent out again. The ghosts were heaviest in there. So heavy, that I refused to go in there. I couldn’t even look at the door. As it was closed when Kellan and I walked into his bedroom, I thought that Kellan probably didn’t go in there either. Like I said, double-edged sword.

Propping his guitar case in the corner of his room, finally having taken it out of his car from playing at Bumbershoot, Kellan watched me as I sat on his bed. With soft eyes, his vision flicked to the closed door across the very short hall upstairs. “You alright?”

Throwing on my brightest smile, I leaned back on my elbows. Kellan’s face brightened considerably. “Of course, I’m fine.” That was mainly true. I was fine. I’d let Denny go and I’d slowly begun to forgive myself for cheating on him. But being here was difficult for me sometimes and Kellan knew it. I think that was the real reason he didn’t pressure me more to move in with him. I just wasn’t ready to deal with the ghosts every day.

Sitting down beside me, he laid a palm on my thigh; it ignited me instantly. “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered.

Sitting up, I laced my arms around his neck. “I had no choice. You wouldn’t let me drive your car, remember?”

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me. Lightly laughing myself, I threaded my fingers back through his shaggy hair and laid back on his pillows, bringing him with me.

He was instantly engaged, hands running over my body, his own body sneaking into position alongside mine. As I thought of all of the women who’d wanted him this weekend, women who he’d only briefly flirted with, or politely acknowledged, or in some cases completely 45



ignored, my heart swelled. He didn’t want them. He wanted me. He loved me. And God, how I loved him, too.

46



3





Chapter


Distractions


Kellan’s room was still dark when my eyes peeled open. Moonlight filtered in through his window, highlighting the objects that he’d collected over his life. There wasn’t much—some paperbacks on his bookshelf, a few CDs scattered along the top of it, the Ramones poster I’d picked up for him last summer while out shopping with Jenny. Besides some pocket change and a couple of well-used notebooks, the only thing on his dresser was a bottle of some sort of hair product. Kellan said that a woman from high school had turned him on to the stuff and he’d been using it ever since to “manage the mess.” I was fairly certain from the slight smile on his face when he’d said it, that he literally meant the words

“woman” and “turned on.” His high school years scared me a little bit.

Other than our clothes strewn about the floor from last night, the only other things of note in his room were his guitars. His main guitar, the one still tucked away in its black carrying case, was leaning against the wall beside an older, clearly worn one. Since Kellan never used that one while playing, I figured he kept it for sentimental reasons. Plain and seemingly inexpensive, he’d told me it was the first guitar he’d ever had, and the only possession he’d taken to L.A. with him when he’d run away. It was quite possibly the only thing from Kellan’s childhood that was a happy memory for him. And, since his parents had literally tossed everything of his when they’d moved to this house he’d inherited, it was also the only memento of his youth. His childhood scared me a little bit too, just for a completely different reason.