Down Too Deep (Dirty Deeds, #4)(116)

Oliver stood then too and put his arm around Nathan’s neck. The three of them stared at me, and my God, they looked so much alike, it shouldn’t have been possible, it couldn’t have been, but it was.

“What do I need to do?” Nathan asked. “I’ll do anything for this.”

My heart started beating faster. He would. There was no doubt in my mind.

Nathan had hope in us. He’d known we belonged together back when I could only wish for it. He loved me. He loved my kids. He never would’ve stopped trying to save Oliver.

My answer was the easiest one of my life. And I gave it to him, after I dashed upstairs, got Marley out of her crib, and returned with her asleep in my arms. An action everyone except me found amusing at first.

Once we were all together and surrounded by our kids, I told Nathan I would marry him, and then he stopped questioning what I’d done, the kids stopped laughing at me for needing to do it, and we embraced, all of us.

Our family.





Epilogue





NATHAN




Three Years Later



Wake up, Nathan.”

I jerked awake and blinked against my pillow. My eyes were slow to focus as fingers softly feathered through my hair, pushing strands off my forehead.

“Hey.” Jenna’s gentle voice slid over me.

She was sitting up in bed, her back against the headboard and the lamp on the table beside her turned on, casting a soft glow around her and shadows on the wall. She had a book in her lap.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

I nodded, turning my face into her hand when she cupped my cheek. “Yeah.” I kissed her palm.

“You haven’t had one in a while.”

She was right about that. My dreams had become much less frequent. It was rare to have one now. A lot of that had to do with the therapy Marley and I started going to together when she began to have questions that I wasn’t sure how to answer. Talking it out helped us both. And that was something we’d continue to do for as long as we both needed it, which might be forever. And if it was, that was okay.

But I knew the biggest reason for the scarcity of my dreams and how I felt overall about Sadie’s death was Jenna.

We talked a lot about the guilt I had. Why I carried it around and why I shouldn’t. There wasn’t any shame or judgment. I let Jenna in completely. I never held back anything I felt anymore. And it was good, sharing with her. I needed to do it as much as she needed it to happen. She was significant to me and she never doubted it.

We were working through it together, all of us.

“What are you doing up this late?” I asked. I rose to check the time, then collapsed onto my side again. It was nearly two in the morning.

Jenna felt the top of her protruding belly just below her breast. The ring I gave her caught in the light and sparkled. “I think your boy has decided to practice his right hooks tonight. He’s killing my ribs.” She winced and shifted her hips on the bed before relaxing back again.

“What’s his problem? Do I need to have a talk with him?” I rubbed her stomach, smoothing down the shirt of mine she was wearing so it looked like she was hiding a basketball underneath. I spread out my fingers and pretended to palm it. “How much bigger do you think you’re going to get?”

“A lot. Double this, maybe? I still have four months to go.” She smiled and rested her hand on top of mine. Then she gave me a pat, letting me know she was getting up before she took her time swinging her legs out of bed.

“Let me get them,” she said.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to.” I felt the heat of her body on the sheets.

“You’re such a liar.”

Her voice was sweet and teasing, but there was seriousness in it too. I knew better than to argue with her right now. She’d win. She always did.

When I’d had my first dream with everyone in the house, Jenna had stirred awake and talked me through it. It had helped. Then she’d gotten up and, after ignoring my protests, brought all of the kids into the bedroom so I could be surrounded by them. She wanted me to have all of their love around me. She’d known I needed it even before I did.

Even on nights when I thought I was fine, Jenna still got them up. And every single time, I felt better because of it.

After placing the book she was reading on the table, Jenna held her stomach as she moved toward the door.

I rolled onto my back so my eyes could follow and blinked at the ceiling when she stepped out of the room, leaving me alone. For a moment the house was still and quiet the way it used to be and the way I hated, but that didn’t last. It couldn’t anymore.

Muffled voices floated down the hallway, followed by footsteps—bare feet against the wood. I heard Jenna speak softly in the distance as Oliver moved into the bedroom first.

He was tall for eleven and letting his hair grow out. A decision he’d made once he saw a few of my old team photos. Strands covered his ears and fell into his eyes. Jenna tried not to hate it.

“Hey, Dad.” Oliver leaned over me so I could hug him. He squeezed my shoulder. “Love you.”

“Love you too, bud.”

As he was climbing into the bed on Jenna’s side, Olivia padded into the room.

She was Jenna’s twin now, in personality and in looks. Her freckles had remained while Oliver’s had faded. And she favored her hair down as opposed to braids.