Don't Look Back(66)

“So you weren’t okay with it?”

“Not from what I do remember. I was pretty pissed.” I peeked at him from underneath my lashes. “So ... you saw them?”

He watched me for a ridiculously long time. A brief, indiscernible emotion flickered across his face. “I saw them.”

“Great.” I tucked a strand of my hair back, searching for a much-needed change in subject. “I got another note last night, after Del left.”

“What did it say?” He sounded relieved by the topic change, too.

I pulled the note out, showing him. Again, another unclear expression appeared as he read it. “It would be nice to know who ‘him’ is,” he said, folding it and handing it back over. “Who do you think is leaving these notes?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered, shoving the note back into my bag. “It would have to be someone who has access to my house. That really limits the whole pool of suspects.”

Carson agreed, and we didn’t have any more time left to discuss potential suspects. Class started, and we had to examine cell growth in plants under a shared microscope. Tingles shot up my arm every time our hands brushed when we exchanged slides.

After class, he walked to my locker with me, waiting until I was ready to head to the cafeteria. I wasn’t sure if he was keeping an eye out for Del or if he had been as unwilling as I’d been to leave bio.

As we neared the doors and crowded room, I stopped. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Okay.” He looked reluctant to head in, but I smiled and then he nodded, went around me, and disappeared.

I waited for the one person I’d hoped would be upfront with me, ignoring the looks of those passing by me. I spied Julie up ahead. Her long skirt flowed around her ankles as she strode down the hall. Her lips spread into a smile when she saw me, but it quickly faded when I grabbed her arm.

“Hey,” she said, glancing around. “What’s up?”

“Can we talk somewhere private?”

Julie’s ponytail bobbed as she nodded. “We could go to the computer lab. No one is in there during lunch.”

Perfect. I followed her down the hall, past the library, and into the cold, silent lab. She dropped her bag in a chair. “What’s going on?”

I took a deep breath and then said something I should’ve said days, if not weeks, ago. “Not to be all twelve-step program on you, but first off, I’m sorry for whatever I might have done or said to you.” I felt the heat creeping across my cheeks. “It wasn’t right for a multitude of reasons, and I have this feeling that you were probably the only true friend I had and I screwed that up.”

Julie hesitated. “Sam, I could take up an entire week listing all the shit you’ve pulled, but seriously? You’re not the same. When Scott first told me you ... you changed, I didn’t believe him, but I saw that it was true the day you sat at the table, and it’s still true. In the way you talk, how you carry yourself and look at people. You remind me of how you used to be, and that’s good enough of an apology. Anyway, it’s in the past. I’m over it.”

Tears rushed to my eyes. It wasn’t much of a forgiveness speech, but it was close, and I’d take it. “Okay. I want to ask you something, and I want you to be honest.”

Taking ahold of her ponytail, she started twisting the end around her fingers. “All right.”

“I remembered something last night, about Del and me. He’d taken these photos of me—”

“The ones where you were giving him a blow job like a porn star?”

I grimaced. “Yeah, thanks, but I hadn’t known he was taking them. I must’ve heard about them after the fact and blown up.”

“You didn’t know?” She leaned against the edge of the desk, eyes narrowed. “What an ass.”

“My thoughts exactly.” I propped myself against the table beside her. “But I forgave him, and I don’t know why I would have. I was hoping you could tell me... what I was like when I dated Del.”

“Oh, wow.” Julie blinked. “Honestly?”

I nodded.

She gave a short laugh. “I’m not even sure if you really loved him or if you two were sort of expected to be together. Your families are, like, the richest in the county. You both were popular and good-looking. It was assumed you two would get together. . . . Well, either you or Cassie when her mother moved back, but I don’t think anyone really thought that until she got older.”

“Did she want to date Del?”

“She wanted everything that you had, if you ask me.” She continued winding the hair around her hand. “It was freaky, honestly, how much she tried to be like you. I always thought she was two seconds from going Single White Female on your ass. So did Scott.”

“So you think I was with Del only because everyone expected us to be together?” My brain rebelled against the idea. All the reasons she’d listed were so damn shallow it was pathetic.

“I think so.” She twisted toward me, tilting her head to the side. “When we were younger, in middle school, you had the biggest crush on Carson.”

My stomach tightened at his name.

“You two hung out so much, but then Cassie came into the picture,” she said, almost sadly. “And then Del.”