Don't Kiss Me: Stories(4)

CANDLES


I AM IN THE CANDLE SHOPPE I CAN’T HELP IT

THE NEW AUTUMN LINE IS ORANGE NUTMEG AND IT IS AS CLOSE TO BARF AS THE BOTTOM OF A DIP CUP

I DIPPED ONCE RIDING IN THE CAB OF THE TRUCK OF MY ONE TRUE LOVE, HE WAS DRIVING HE WAS GETTING A HAND JOB FROM A PUERTO RICAN PUTA WE WERE GOING ABOUT FIFTEEN MILES AN HOUR NOT EVEN ENOUGH FOR THE WIND TO LIFT MY HAIR IN A POWERFUL FUCK YOU WAY

I HAD STOLEN THE DIP AND THE CUP AND NO ONE NOTICED

THERE WAS A WEB OF JIZZ ON THAT BITCH’S SKORT, I SAW IT WHEN WE STOPPED FOR CIGARETTES SHE STOOD IN THE MAGAZINES AISLE DOING NOTHING

THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO

JULIAN IS THE MANAGER OF THE CANDLE SHOPPE HIS ASS IS LIKE TWO HALVES OF A BASKETBALL I HAVE TRIED MANY TIMES TO TOUCH IT

MY FAVORITE SCENT IS BEACH SANDALS, IT IS SALTY

MY SON CALLS IT BITCH SANDALS

MY SON IS FOURTEEN HE IS ALWAYS STANDING WITH A BOOK A TOWEL A HAT HIS FOLDED CLAMMY HANDS COVERING HIS CROTCH HE DOES NOT KNOW I KNOW AND IT IS BETTER THAT WAY

I READ THAT IN A PARENTING MAGAZINE

WHEN JULIAN DESCRIBES SOMETHING AS “EARTHY” I KNOW WHAT HE MEANS IS “SHITTY”

I HAVE NEVER KNOWN A MAN WHO HAS MORE THAN TWO SYLLABLES IN HIS NAME

I HAD A DREAM JULIAN WAS SHOWING ME A CANDLE THAT WAS CALLED SUCK IT LIKE A STRAW

ITS COMPANION SCENT WAS LICK YOU LIKE AN ICE CREAM CONE

I HAVE NEVER BEEN ATTRACTED TO A MAN OF A DIFFERENT CULTURE BUT THAT ASS I AM NOT MADE OF STONE

I AM FONDLING A CANDLE SET CALLED HERBACEOUS TWILIGHT, I WANT TO ASK JULIAN WHY IT’S NOT JUST CALLED OLD FORGOTTEN BONG BUT HE IS HELPING AN OLD MAN OBSESSED WITH THE SMELL OF LAUNDRY

I HAVE FOUND THAT THE CANDLES WITH THE PRETTIEST COLORS ARE ALWAYS THE FOULEST, I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SOME GREEN CANDLES BUT THEY ARE ALL CUCUMBER MELON





CUCUMBER MELON SMELLS LIKE AFTERBIRTH


I BREATHE WITH MY MOUTH OPEN WHEN I’M IN THE CANDLE STORE

SOMETIMES I AM SITTING AT HOME WITH A CRAVING AND I CAN’T PUT MY FINGER ON IT AND THEN BLAMMO, I WILL REALIZE I AM CRAVING THE TASTE OF THE CANDLE STORE

IT HAS A TASTE, I’M NOT ON GLUE

I JUMPED THAT PUTA BEHIND THE P.E. TRAILER, SHE PULLED MY HAIR AND SCREAMED AND I PUNCHED A TOOTH INTO HER THROAT

I TRY NOT TO FEEL VICTORY THINKING OF THAT





IT IS DIFFICULT NOT TO


I GOT INTO THAT BOY’S TRUCK AND TOLD HIM WHERE TO DRIVE AND WHEN HE PULLED OVER I CLIMBED INTO HIS LAP, THE LOOK IN HIS EYES

I LOVE THINKING OF THAT LOOK

JULIAN IS ASSURING THE MAN THAT THE FRESH COTTON CANDLE SET SMELLS EXACTLY LIKE BOUNCE DRYER SHEETS ONCE LIT

I KNOW THIS IS NOT TRUE, I KNOW IT ACTUALLY SMELLS LIKE KOOL-AID BACKWASH

THE OLD MAN IS ASIAN, I CAN SEE THAT NOW, THERE DIDN’T USE TO BE BUT ONE ASIAN IN THIS COMMUNITY BACK IN THE DAY, THE HIGH SCHOOL ALGEBRA TEACHER, BUT NOW THEY ARE EVERYWHERE, I SMILE EXTRA BIG AT HIM TO LET HIM KNOW I AM COMFORTABLE WITH OUR MULTICULTURAL SOCIETY





AND I AM


COMFORTABLE WITH IT, I MEAN

THE OLD MAN IS TELLING JULIAN HE HAS THE ORANGE NUTMEG LINE IN HIS DOWNSTAIRS BATHROOM, I FEEL SYMPATHY FOR THE SWIRLING VOMITOUS TOMB HIS HOUSE MUST BE

THERE CAME A DAY WHEN I RAN OUT OF CLASS TO BARF UP AGAINST THE LOCKERS, THERE WAS A BABY FOR A WHILE BUT THEN IT WENT AWAY

THE LORD TAKETH, THANK GOD

THE TRUCK BABY IS HOW I CAME TO THINK OF IT

I NEVER TOLD THE BOY, BUT I WISHED I HAD TOLD HIM SO HE COULD THANK ME FOR NOT TELLING HIM

JULIAN HAS FINISHED WITH THE MAN, I SEE HIM FIDDLING WITH SOME PAPERS AT THE REGISTER, I KNOW HE IS HOPING I WILL LEAVE

I WANT TO TELL JULIAN THE BESTSELLING CHILDHOOD SUMMER CANDLE HE SOLD ME LAST WEEK SMELLS LIKE BUBBLE GUM WEDGED BETWEEN TWO FUNGUS TOES

SOMETIMES YOU KNOW WHEN YOU SHOULDN’T SAY SOMETHING

IF JULIAN WERE A CANDLE HE’D BE NAMED AMARETTO EXPLOSION OR MOCHA ANGEL

I WANT JULIAN TO BE A CANDLE

SO I CAN TAKE HIM HOME

IT IS FIVE MINUTES FROM CLOSING TIME, I DROVE HERE AFTER THERE WAS NOTHING ON TELEVISION, MY SON EATING HIS DINNER IN HIS ROOM, ME PICKING UP THE PHONE AND PUTTING IT BACK DOWN, ME SITTING ON MY PORCH TO WATCH THE SUN SET, THE SUN MELTING LIKE THE DISCONTINUED PSYCHEDELIC SHERBET LINE

I DROVE HERE I CAN’T HELP IT

BEACH SANDALS SMELLS LIKE THE DIRT ROAD ME AND THE BOY PULLED OVER ON

I CAN’T HELP IT

I WAS A HOT BITCH IN MY DAY BUT NOW I AM SHAPED LIKE A CANDLE





DISHES


At breakfast my kid practices his ABCs and barfs into his cereal bowl just before Q. My other kid points out how the barf splashed onto the table in the shape of Oklahoma. I don’t tell him it looks more like Texas, he’s a little kid and if he wants to mistake Texas for Oklahoma it’s no skin off my tit. My husband wipes up the barf and I watch his shorts bunch in his ass.

Before I leave for work my kid hands me a brown bag and tells me he’s made my lunch, when I’m halfway down the driveway he yells after me, Big girls gotta eat! and I guess I taught him that saying, it’s what I usually say when I’m eating in front of other people, because I am a big girl, that’s a fact, and it makes people feel better if it’s acknowledged. I give my kid a thumbs-up and oink like a pig, he loves it, standing in the doorway in his undies, doubled over.

Backing down the driveway I roll over the front wheel of my kid’s bike, but he doesn’t see, he’d gone back inside, the dog in the doorway now, the puddle eyes in that box head watching me balefully.