Dirty Rowdy Thing (Wild Seasons, #2)(71)

Colton studies me for a moment. “Why?”

Looking down the dock, I still don’t see Dad heading down to the boat. “Dad still at home?”

“Probably be down later,” Colton says. “Especially since he knows you’re back.”

“What’s up, Finn?” Levi asks. “We’re not tossing nets today?”

I decide to go ahead and tell them, with or without our dad here. I slip my hat back on and look at each of my brothers in turn. “I think I’ve come around.”

Levi takes a step closer. “Meaning what?”

“Meaning, I think we should sign on.” I look over at Levi and laugh at his hopeful expression. “For the show.”

My brothers both let out enthusiastic whoops, and high-five each other before hugging me again.

“Fuck yes!” Colton yells, and his voice echoes down across the water. “Oh, this is good, Finn. I’m f*cking stoked.”

“Can you imagine what people are going to say?” Levi asks, though his grin tells me he isn’t particularly worried. “They’re going to give us epic shit, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, well, they can give us all the shit they want,” I tell him. “You can wave at them from the water because our engines are working.”

“I’ll blow them a f*cking kiss wearing nothing but my bank statement,” Colton adds.

Levi laughs. “I’m sure you would.”

There’s a moment where I just watch the two of them, measuring this Levi and Colton against the ones I left the day I headed to Oliver’s. Things were looking bad, and maybe I didn’t realize how bad they were until right now, seeing the contrast in them. They’re smiling and happy, young. Hopeful for the first time in years. Money can’t buy you happiness, but happiness sure is a hell of a lot easier to find when you’re not worried about where your next meal is coming from.

“Come on,” I tell them, reaching for a clipboard that hangs on a nail near the door, and thumb through the daily logs. “I need to take stock of everything so when we call, I can tell them what’s gotta be fixed.”

Levi follows me up into the wheelhouse. “So, tell us about California.”

“What he means is tell us about the *,” Colton interrupts.

“Check yourself, Colt,” I chide him quietly.

Colton looks at me with the most comical look of feigned innocence I’ve ever seen.

“It was good. Great to see Oliver and Ansel. See the new store.” I scribble a few notes on the charts, add today’s date, and start a list of repairs needed in order of priority. “I saw Harlow,” I add, and regret it almost immediately.

“Harlow,” Levi repeats with glee evident in his voice. “Harlow of the trench coat?” Of course Levi would remember that. Because karma has an incredible sense of humor, Levi just so happened to be pulling up to my house as Harlow climbed into her cab. He definitely enjoyed sharing that piece of information with my entire family.

I glare at him over the top of the clipboard. “Yes. That Harlow.”

“Well, damn, son. I wouldn’t have answered my phone calls, either.”

“Yeah, about that,” I say, but Levi is already shaking his head.

“We’re big boys, Finn, we can handle the load for a while. You deserved a break, man.”

“This,” Colton echos.

“Okay, well,” I say, a little overwhelmed and not exactly sure how to respond. “We have an engine to pull apart before we can make the big call, so let’s get to it.”

IT’S LIKE I never left. I work from sunup to sundown—taking a break only at lunch to call the producers with my brothers and my dad and tell them, finally, that we’re in—and it feels so damn good to wear myself out and work until I can hardly stand, too tired to worry or even think.

It’s only the middle of the night that the mental clarity goes to shit. I wake from a dream that was too real. It was Harlow, over me, laughing at something I said. Her bare skin was only half visible in the moonlight, and waking without that sight sends a spike right through my gut.

It’s easier to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling than risk going back to sleep, where I might dream about her again. I’m not sure whether Harlow cemented the impossibility of a relationship when she went behind my back to talk to Salvatore Marìn, or whether I did just today when I agreed to do this show, but however it happened, I have to accept the fact that there’s no future for us.

Despite what I thought, I know now that I’ve never loved someone before and I’m beginning to realize that I have no idea how to get over it. It’s terrifying to wonder if I’ll always have this carved-out feeling beneath my ribs, like I left something vital behind in California.

IT’S BEEN FOUR days since I’ve seen her, and anyone who says it gets easier with time can go f*ck themselves. I’m not sleeping well, I’m not eating enough, and I’m working myself into the ground.

I’ve tied up the loose ends with Salvatore and put our smallest boat up for sale so we can focus on the two larger boats. The show is sending a crew of mechanics to get to work on the Linda in a week or so, but it’s impossible for me to be still and not try to tackle some of it on my own while I can. I’m the first one at the dock every morning and the last one to leave. By Wednesday, we’ve torn apart the entire engine and finally come to the conclusion that this particular problem is too big for us to handle on our own.