Dirty Letters(36)

He stared off in thought. When he looked into my eyes again, he asked, “Will you do me a favor?”

“Yes.”

“Can you put all of the reasons we’re wrong for each other on hold for one night and just be with me? Because while you’re worrying about the future, I can’t stop thinking about how damn lucky I am that my dream girl drove all the way across the country to see me—the real me. I’m on a high right now that you can’t even imagine, Luca. And while you’re sitting here trying to convince me that it could never work between us, all I can think about is whether you taste as good as you fucking make me feel.” He squeezed my hand. “Can you do that? Can you just be with me and fuck the rest for a little while?”

How can I say no to that?

My eyes were watering. “Yeah. I can do that.”

“Good.” He stood up. “How about I show you around a little bit?”

“I’d love that.”

Griffin gave me the grand tour of his massive house. One of the stops was the downstairs home theater that featured several rows of plush seats along with a popcorn machine.

We plopped ourselves down into two of the seats.

He rubbed his hand along the arm of the velour chair. “I have this great theater that I don’t even use. When I do watch movies, it’s usually alone at night in my room after a long day at the studio. I can’t remember the last time I watched something down here.”

“That seems like such a waste.”

“Yeah . . . well, this room is made for more than one person, and when you can’t even count on one hand the number of people you trust, well, it’s kind of hard to fill a theater.” He shook his head, seeming to catch himself getting into serious territory. “I’ll tell you one thing, though, Ryan . . . when they make a fucking movie out of one of your books, you’d better damn well bet I’ll be screening it down here.”

That made me smile.

Next, he took me upstairs and showed me the bedrooms. There were five in total. The one at the end of the hallway was his—the master.

Stepping into Griffin’s bedroom felt a little intrusive for some reason. I looked around for a bit. There was a lit electric fireplace. His bed had a massive fabric headboard. The heavy drapes were made of gray satin.

“This is gorgeous.” I walked around, then turned to him. “I can imagine this room has seen more action than your theater?”

Even though I was sort of teasing with that statement, a part of me knew I was really digging for information about exactly how promiscuous he’d actually been.

He didn’t look the least bit amused. “You’d be surprised. I haven’t really taken many women into my bedroom. To me, that’s a very intimate thing. Like I said, I had only one serious relationship since all of this happened.”

I continued to look around, dumbfounded, as if I’d just entered a sex dungeon. But it wasn’t; it was just a regular bedroom, but somehow I was freaking out being inside it. Then Griffin placed his hands on my shoulders.

“Why don’t we talk about what’s really concerning you right now? I didn’t want to talk about serious stuff when I only have you for a short time, but I do feel like this needs to be said.” He blew a breath out. “I know what you were thinking when you walked into this room. It scared you a little. I scare you a little—maybe a lot. You have this idea that I’m a manwhore. As I told you before, it was like that for a while. There weren’t hundreds—but maybe dozens in the beginning. It gets old real fucking fast, Luca. You know what happens when you can have literally anything? Ironically, you don’t want any of it anymore. I miss the chase. I miss being a normal human being. Instead of walking into this room and wanting to lie with me, wanting me to hold you, you were worried about all of the supposed women who had been here before you. That makes me a little sad, really. Especially because at this moment, I can barely remember much of anything that happened before Luca Vinetti showed up at my house.”

My heart fluttered.

“I’m sorry for making you feel like you had to explain yourself.”

“Don’t apologize. I get it. One of the people you trusted most isn’t who you thought he was. But I’m trying to tell you that I am, Luca. I am still him. You just have to look past all of the bullshit to see me. I’m here.”

I looked deeply into his eyes before pulling him in for a hug. We held each other for the longest time. With each second that passed, my fears seemed to melt away little by little. Or at least they faded into the background—for now.

“Where am I sleeping tonight?” I finally asked.

“Wherever you want. You can take your pick of the guest rooms. The only thing I ask is that you not insist on sleeping in the RV. I want you under my roof tonight. Because in a little over a day, I lose you again.”

I felt the need to better defend my behavior tonight. “The reality of the situation is just hitting me in waves, Griffin. But I am going to try to spend the rest of this time focusing on the now and not on anything else beyond that.”

“Your concerns are normal. Just promise to always be honest with me. I promise to do the same moving forward. You need to tell me what you’re afraid of, especially when the object of your fear is me. There shouldn’t be any elephants in the room . . . or pigs for that matter.” He smiled. “But please, I’m begging you. Don’t be afraid of me. Trust what’s in your heart, trust in what made you get into that RV and come here in the first place. I promise, if you can do that, I’ll try like hell not to let you down.”