Dirty Letters(21)
Doc smiled. “You’re very wise for a person of your age, Luca.”
“Nah. I just had a smart mom. She used to say, Money impresses the lazy girls. Smart girls are rich when they have something they can’t buy.”
“Wise mother, wise daughter.” He nodded. “So what are your plans, then? Will you broach the subject with Griffin and see if that changes his mind-set on taking the next step together?”
“I honestly have no idea what to do, Doc. None. A part of me wants to take you up on your offer to drive with me to California, show him that I don’t care if he lives in a one-room apartment or sings for tips outside the bus depot. But the other part of me feels like that would be a terrible violation of his trust.”
“I can tell you from personal experience that sometimes we men need a little push. I remember when I met my Geraldine. I was in medical school and on day eight of eating ramen noodles. My water bill was two months late, and I held my breath each evening when I turned on the faucet, hoping they wouldn’t turn off my water because I’d lose half the ingredients of my nightly meal. Geraldine had a job and always dressed so nicely. She worked at the library I frequented, and I had the biggest crush on her. But what was I going to do, ask her to split a bag of ramen noodles and skip eating on Friday the following week?”
“Did you wait until after you graduated to ask her out?”
Doc looked out the window for a moment, and I watched the fondness of the memory he recalled play out on his face. He shook his head. “My Geraldine was a straight shooter. One day she marched over to the table I was studying at and said, ‘Every night before you leave, you spend ten minutes hanging around my desk and talking. You are flirting with me, right?’ I said that I had indeed been flirting, or at least attempting to do so, and her response was to blurt out, ‘Well, why haven’t you asked me out yet?’” Doc chuckled. “She’d caught me so off guard, I didn’t have time to make up an excuse. So I told her the truth—that I’d like nothing more than to take her out, but I was too broke because my books and rent drained every last cent from my bank account.”
“What did she say?”
“Nothing. Not a damn word. She just walked away. I thought I’d blown it with her. But the next night when I showed up, I found a magazine on the desk I normally sat at. It was opened to an article titled ‘Fifty Dream First Dates That Are Free.’”
I laughed. “Did it work?”
“I ripped the pages from the magazine and took her on one of those fifty dates every single week for fifty consecutive weeks. By the time I got to the last one, I’d just graduated and secured my first job. I proposed on our fiftieth free date—inside a tent I’d made out of sheets in the backyard.”
“I love that story! How come you never shared it with me before?”
Doc shrugged. “Guess the right time just hadn’t come. Unlike now.”
I sighed. “I suppose we could take the trip to California and play it by ear. I mean, Griffin wouldn’t have to find out we were even there if I decided against letting him know who I am. We could go simply to uncover what we need to and then leave. He doesn’t know what I look like. But what about the whole blind-faith thing? I’d be violating his trust.”
“Well, my dear, you need to determine if you can be patient with him or if you need to know what’s really going on now. I do think a trip out west would be beneficial in more ways than one. It could not only satisfy your curiosity about Griffin but also serve as an excellent exposure exercise in tackling the unknowns of travel.”
My heart was racing. “So you’re thinking we should go to California . . .”
“I’m thinking that no harm can come from discovering the truth and venturing out of your comfort zone. I am a bit biased, as I’ve already mapped out some fantastic bird-watching locations on the way, but I digress. Don’t let that influence your decision. This needs to be your call.”
Later that evening, I was pacing in my living room.
“Give me a sign, Hortencia. I need to know the right thing to do here.”
Groink.
The truth was, I knew that the right answer for me was to take Doc up on his offer. When else in my life would I have access to an RV and a willing road-trip partner? But it might also be the wrong answer for moving things forward between Griff and me. Blind faith. That’s what he’d asked me for. I wouldn’t exactly be honoring his wishes if I found him working the front desk at a music studio and walked in pretending to be someone else. I’d be violating his trust. But at the same time, wouldn’t I be having blind faith in us? It felt like maybe he didn’t have blind faith in me—to trust that I’d like him for the person he was inside, regardless of whatever his issues were. Maybe I had to have enough faith for both of us? Sort of like Geraldine did with Doc. I wouldn’t be disrespecting his wishes; I’d be taking a leap of blind faith for two.
Oh my God.
I’m going to do it, aren’t I?
I looked over at Hortencia, who had been lying next to my desk. “What do you think, girl? Should I take a road trip?”
My faithful companion sat up and perked an ear.
“Should I go and take a blind leap of faith or not?”
Hortencia answered by running out of the room. For a second, I thought she was rushing to the front door—showing me that she was ready to go, too. But she came back a minute later. And laid her answer at my feet.