Die Again (Rizzoli & Isles, #11)(54)

“Don’t be crazy,” says Elliot. “You can’t believe him.”

I think of everything that’s gone wrong: Clarence and Isao, their flesh ripped from their bones. The truck, suddenly and mysteriously out of commission. The viper in Elliot’s newly slashed tent. I remember what Johnny revealed only a few days ago, about how he’d collected snakes as a boy. Who else but Johnny knows how to catch and handle a pit viper? None of what’s happened has been merely bad luck; no, we were meant to die out here, and only Johnny could execute such a plan.

He can read the decision in my eyes, and he reacts with a look of pain, as if I have delivered a mortal blow. For a moment he stands defeated, his shoulders slumped, his face a mask of sorrow. “I would have done anything for you,” he says to me softly. Then, with a shake of his head, he turns and strides away.

We are all still watching as he vanishes into the bush.

“DO YOU THINK HE’LL come back?” says Vivian.

Richard pats the rifle lying beside him, the rifle that’s now never out of his reach. “If he tries, I’ll be ready for him.”

We’re sitting around the campfire, which Elliot has built into a raging inferno against the darkness. The flames are too high and too hot for comfort, and a foolish waste of firewood, but I understand why he felt compelled to feed it so extravagantly. Those flames hold off the predators that even now are watching us. We’ve spotted no other campfires, so where is Johnny on this black, black night? What tricks does he have to stay alive when teeth and claws are everywhere?

“We’ll keep watch in pairs,” says Richard. “No one should be out here alone at any time. Elliot and Vivian will take the first watch. Sylvia and I will take the second. That will get us through the night. We keep this up, keep our wits about us, and we’ll be fine until the plane comes looking for us.”

That he’s left me out of the watch schedule is painfully obvious. I understand why Keiko’s not expected to contribute; after her startling takedown of Johnny, she’s retreated once again into silence. At least she’s eating now, a few spoonfuls of tinned beans and a handful of crackers. But here I am, able-bodied and ready to help, and no one even glances my way.

“What about me?” I ask. “What should I do?”

“We’ll handle this, Millie. You don’t need to do a thing.” The tone of his voice allows no protest, certainly not from the woman who once dared to take Johnny’s side. Without a word, I leave the fire and slink into our tent. Tonight I’m back with Richard because Keiko doesn’t want me in her tent anymore. I’m the pariah, the traitor who might stab you while you’re sleeping.

When Richard crawls in beside me an hour later, I’m still awake.

“It’s over between us,” I say.

He doesn’t bother to argue. “Yes. Obviously.”

“So which one are you going to choose? Sylvia or Vivian?”

“Does it matter?”

“No, I guess not. Whatever her name, it all boils down to screwing someone new.”

“What about you and Johnny? Admit it, you were ready to leave me and join him.”

I turn to Richard, but all I see is his silhouette, framed by the glow of firelight through canvas. “I stayed, didn’t I?”

“Only because we control the gun.”

“And that makes you the winner, does it? King of the bush?”

“I’m fighting for our f*cking lives. The others understand that. Why can’t you?”

My breath comes out in a long, sad sigh. “I do understand, Richard. I know you think you’re doing the right thing. Even if you have no clue what to do next.”

“Whatever our problems, Millie, we need to stick together now, or we won’t make it. We’ve got the gun and the supplies, and the numbers are on our side. But I can’t predict what Johnny will do. Whether he’ll just escape into the bush, or come back and try to finish us off.” He pauses. “We’re witnesses, after all.”

“Witnesses to what? We never saw him kill anyone. We can’t prove he did anything wrong.”

“Then let the police prove it. After we get out of here.”

We lie silent for a moment. Through the canvas, I hear Elliot and Vivian talking by the fire as they keep watch. I hear the shrill screech of insects, the far-off cackle of hyenas, and I wonder if Johnny’s still alive out there, or if his corpse is even now being ripped apart and devoured.

Richard’s hand brushes against my hand. Slowly, tentatively, his fingers link with mine. “People move on, Millie. It doesn’t mean these last three years were wasted.”

“Four years.”

“We’re not the same people we were when we met. It’s just the way life goes, and we need to be grown up about it. Figure out how to divide our things, how to tell our friends. Do it all without drama.”

These things are so much easier for him to say. I may have been the first to declare it over between us, but he’s the one who actually did the leaving. I realize now that he’s been in the act of leaving me for a long, long time. It’s Africa that finally brought it to a head, Africa that showed us how unsuited we are to each other.

I may have loved him once, but now I think I never really liked him. Certainly I don’t like him now, as he talks so matter-of-factly about the terms of our breakup. How I should find a new flat as soon as we get back to London. Would my sister take me in while I search for the right place? And then there’s all the things we’ve acquired together. The cookware can go with me, the CDs and electronics stay with him, fair enough? And what a good thing we have no pets to fight over. What a far cry from the night we huddled on the sofa, planning this trip to Botswana. I’d imagined starry skies and cocktails around the campfire, not these bloodless terms of dissolution.