Diary of a Bad Boy(103)

“Leave, Sutton. Just fucking leave.”

I take a step back, shocked. His words are like a physical slap. “Roark.”

Shoulders growing tense, he stares me down through the mirror, and in that moment, I don’t see the man I love, nor the man I know on a deeper level. Instead, I see the mask of an angry and hurt man. “Don’t make this worse than it already is. Just fucking leave, okay?” He drops his head and pushes his hand through his hair violently.

“Roark, please. I’m sorry.” My voice grows tighter. “I didn’t want you to leave without me, I didn’t want you to have to spend the night alone. That’s why I was texting. I should have stayed with you but I knew I had to smooth things over with my father, explain what happened in the restaurant. I’m so sorry, please, let’s just talk about this. I don’t . . .” I hold back the sob that threatens to escape. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Barely lifting his eyes to look me in the mirror, he speaks in a dejected tone. One word. One word that sears me right in half.

“Leave.”

I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here, work things out, reassure him of my love, but from the tension coiling in his back I know anything I say this morning is going to bounce straight off him, untouched and unheard.

It pains me to do this, but I take a step backward and then another, retreating to my clothes that I quickly put on before gathering my things. I peek cautiously through the bathroom door to see if he’s moved and he hasn’t. He stays motionless besides the tug he has on the thick brown strands of his hair.

I stand there, purse and phone in hand, shoeless, wondering if I should speak to him one more time, if I should try to bridge the gap that so quickly grew between us.

I can’t muster up the words, not past the thick lump that’s formed in my throat. Oh God, please. I can’t have lost him forever.

So with a heavy heart and tear-stained cheeks, I somehow make it to the elevator, hoping and praying this isn’t the last time I see him. I can’t lose this man from my life. He carries my heart in his hands, and I’m aching from this gaping hole within me. I love you, Roark. I’ll always love you. And then the first sob breaks free.





Knock. Knock.

Through bloodshot eyes, I look up from my computer to find my dad standing in the doorway. The small confines of my office shrink exponentially the minute he steps inside and shuts the door behind him.

“Hey Dad,” I say, leaning back in my chair.

He takes a seat and folds his hands over his stomach, examining me before speaking. “Whitney was right. You don’t look great, Sutton.”

“Can’t hear that enough,” I say with a soft smile.

“Got a call from Roark’s office.”

“Is he okay?” I ask, a small slice of panic cutting through me.

“He’s fine, but they said he’s assigned me to one of his junior agents.”

“What? Are you serious? What did you say?”

“I told them that was unacceptable and that per my contract with him, he’s the only one to handle my affairs, and that I expect nothing less.”

“Did you sugarcoat it?”

He shakes his head. “There is no sugarcoating in business. I scheduled a meeting with him for Thursday.”

I would love to crash that meeting, but I know it won’t do any good. Nothing is reaching him right now. Not the texts or the phone calls, or even the emails. And when I go to his apartment to check on him and make sure he’s okay, Harris politely tells me I have to leave, even though it clearly pains him.

When Roark says it’s over . . . it really is. Whitney may think I look awful on the outside, but it’s nothing compared to the desolation within.

“What are you going to talk about?”

Dad rubs his jaw with his large hand and says, “That’s not anything you need to worry about.”

“Well, I’m worried, Dad. He won’t talk to me, won’t even see me.” My throat starts to grow tight again, making it hard to vocalize my feelings. I take a calming breath and will my stomach to stop flipping with nerves. “I’m terrified I’ve truly lost him before I could fully have him.”

“I think he needs time. Time to think and to feel, that’s how we work. Men aren’t like women who can process their feelings right away. We need to take a step back and think. Roark is a smart man, so give him time; he’ll realize how important you are to him.” But Dad didn’t hear Roark’s words or see his dejection. I’m never going to be good enough for you, and I’d rather not feel like a piece of shit every time you’re near me. He doesn’t want me.

“He’s had a week. How much more time does he need?” How long before he forgets our love and forgets me?

Dad shrugs. “Depends. He was hurt, and the scars he’s worn for years were reopened, no thanks to me. He’ll need time to re-evaluate and work out truth versus falsehood.”

“Why won’t he let me help him? He let me in the past. He needed me in the past.”

“Because, sweetie, you’re what he’s trying to re-evaluate. If he loves you as you say, there’s no doubt in my mind he’ll realize how special you are to him. With Roark, once you’re in his heart, you’re in. He’s extremely loyal, but it’s letting him accept you into his life that’s going to take time.”