Devotion(4)

‘Like what?’

‘Like summoning demons to do your bidding.’

I stared at her. ‘How?’

Christiana rubbed her mouth where a small puff of down had stuck to her bottom lip. ‘How should I know? I’m no Hexe.’

‘No, I know. I just wondered . . .’ I reached out without thinking and gently unstuck the feather from Christiana’s lip. She stared down at my fingers.

‘Your hands smell horrible. Did you slop Hulda before you came?’

‘No.’

Christiana wiped her mouth where I had touched it. ‘Can you please watch where you’re putting your fingers? They’re all greasy.’

‘Sorry.’

‘Never mind.’

‘Christiana, I don’t understand why a witch would want to go to church. Emile said the family wish to attend services.’

‘Oh, I don’t know, Hanne. Here, I’ll do it.’ She took the glass and the cloth from me. Her expression was sly. ‘I’m just saying, don’t be surprised if your beloved pig drops down dead.’ She placed the glass on the shelf, then faced me. ‘Wouldn’t want you to lose your best friend.’

The tears I had suppressed all night sprang to my eyes and I turned away, pretending to pick up stray feathers from the table.

‘Goodness, Hanne! I’m only teasing!’ Christiana patted me on the back. ‘You don’t have to cry.’

‘I’m not crying.’ I clenched my teeth together. I want to go home, I thought, sitting down. Please, Mama. Hurry up. I just want to go home.

Christiana sat next to me on the bench. ‘Look, I would have asked you, you know,’ she said softly. ‘But I thought you wouldn’t like it. You don’t like this sort of thing, do you?’

Her hand was still patting my back. I wanted to push it away.

‘No,’ I said. ‘Not much.’


The sky was clear and loud with stars as we walked home. I heard them keening as Mama wound her arm in mine.

‘A wonderful evening, Hanne,’ she said, taking a deep breath. ‘A tonic for the soul.’

‘Do you mean the wine?’ Her breath was heavy with it.

Mama pretended to cuff my ear. ‘No, friendship.’ She paused. ‘What? Are my lips stained?’

‘Yes. The top one.’

Mama scrubbed hard at her lip with a corner of her apron. ‘Is that better?’

‘Yes.’

‘Ah. A wonderful night. I’m glad you came. Oh, look, a rabbit.’

I kicked my shoe against the stones in the road and the rabbit skittered away.

Mama looked askance at me. ‘What’s wrong with you?’

‘Nothing.’

We walked on. It was cold.

‘I wasn’t invited to the Federschleissen,’ I said eventually. ‘Other girls were there.’

Mama sighed. ‘I didn’t know you wanted to go.’

‘It’s not that. It’s about being asked.’

‘Hanne . . .’ Mama leaned her head on my shoulder. ‘Maybe if you put a little more effort in.’

‘I do.’

‘No, you don’t. You prefer your own company and you never want to come with me to visit Christiana and the Radtkes when I suggest it.’

‘Frau Radtke doesn’t like me. She always gives me these suspicious little looks.’

‘Hanne, Magdalena has nine people under her roof. I very much doubt she has the time to think anything of you at all.’

I was silent.

‘Christiana is a lovely, modest young woman. If you were friendlier with her, I am sure she would welcome your company.’

‘She doesn’t like me either.’

‘Nonsense.’

‘She doesn’t! She teased me.’ I held my hand to Mama’s nose. ‘Do I smell?’

‘No.’

‘Christiana told me I did. That I smelled! She hates me.’

‘Hanne, stop.’ Mama drew away from me, dropping my arm. ‘Stop this self-pity. You’re spoiling what has been a lovely evening for me.’

We arrived home. As soon as we turned off the lane, my father opened the door.

‘I thought I asked you to fetch your mother,’ he said to me.

‘Yes, well, she’s here now,’ I replied, walking straight past him through the black kitchen and its row of hooks, strung with Wurst, to my bedroom off the corridor.

My mother’s voice was soft behind my back. ‘Leave her, Heinrich. She’s in a foul mood.’


I lay awake that night until I heard the persistent rumble of my father’s snores, and then I climbed out my window and found the outdoor ladder to the loft.

Matthias was sleeping. I nudged his leg with my foot, my head bent against the low, sloped ceiling.

He didn’t move.

I crouched and shook his arm.

He sat bolt upright. ‘What is it? What’s happened?’

‘Nothing,’ I whispered. ‘I just wanted to see you.’

Matthias rubbed his eyes and lay back on his pillow. ‘I thought something was wrong. I thought there was a fire. I was dreaming of a fire.’

‘Can I get in? It’s freezing.’

Matthias silently lifted his blanket and I got in.