Defend the Dawn (Defy the Night #2)(62)

It’s a good speech—and I believe every word. The apology is profound, because I know he means it.

But I can’t stop thinking of Rian’s voice in the wind this morning. Lochlan is one of his people, is he not?

Or the way Lochlan backed right down when he was allowed a moment of dignity, instead of rebelling against dark threats and armed guards. Even Kilbourne slammed him into the wall last night.

My thoughts don’t know where to settle, because I’ve found Lochlan pretty frightening myself. But I know what it’s like to be backed into a corner. Choices never seem like choices when the world only offers us bad ones. I once told the king that I would have been lighting the fires of revolution right alongside Lochlan if I hadn’t found myself in the palace with Corrick. We stopped a war—but the feelings of disdain and scorn are still alive and well. On both sides.

“You need to find a way to get along with him,” I say.

“I’ve been perfectly cordial to the captain.”

“I’m talking about Lochlan.”

“Why.” Corrick doesn’t even say it like a question.

“Because you dragged him onto a ship to get him out of the way. It’s no better than locking him in the Hold, Corrick. If you want to fix things in Kandala, you and your brother can’t keep putting your opponents in prison.”

He stares back at me, but I tug my arm free before he can say anything else. I have a patient to treat, and I need to get away from the intensity in his gaze. When we stand in the shadows, he reminds me too much of Weston Lark, who was kind and good and would never hurt a soul.

As usual, I need to remind myself that Wes was a part of the man in front of me. That goodness is inside him.

But it’s just a part.

Sometimes I worry that it’s not quite enough.





CHAPTER NINETEEN

Corrick

When I was in the palace, it was never easy to be the King’s Justice, but I could count the minutes of my day, knowing eventually the clock hands would crawl toward the early morning hours when I could escape into the Wilds with Tessa.

Even once the ruse was over—because Tessa was in the palace and we were working toward a new solution—I could reassure myself that we were bringing about change. That things would be different. That we would work together to make things better.

But as the days passed, true change began to feel slow and ineffective. Potentially impossible. Like that meeting that ended with Lochlan diving across a table at Consul Sallister. At least in the Wilds I could see medicine making a difference. As King’s Justice, I only saw my failures.

Now I’m on this ship, and with every censorious glance Tessa throws my way, I feel like more of a monster than I ever was.

She wants me to get along with Lochlan. He’s out on the deck, gutting fish with other men from the crew. The low sound of their voices hardly carries over the wind, but I can tell he’s found a place among them. There’s a part of me that envies the simplicity of it.

When I walk across the deck with Tessa, he stops talking, and his eyes follow me. He leans toward the man beside him, saying something too low for me to hear, then uses his knife to rip a fish in half.

No subtlety there. He wants me to have a reaction.

I ignore him.

The captain is in his stateroom with Gwyn and Sablo, but when Tessa and I enter with Kilbourne at our backs, it’s obvious that the room isn’t quite large enough to fit six people. The work table takes up a good deal of room, and the burning stove blocks a whole corner. I wouldn’t mind taking a look at the maps, but I can’t get close to the table. Tessa takes a stool to sit in front of Sablo, who’s holding a bandaged arm to his chest. He looks a bit alarmed at the sudden crowd.

Tessa glances up at the rest of us, but it feels more pointed when her eyes find me. “Maybe you all could give us some privacy.”

Fine. But I’m not being evicted by myself.

“Captain,” I say. “I understand you’ve offered my guardsman a tour of the ship. I wouldn’t mind the same.” I pause. “If you have the time.”

He surprises me by saying, “Sure.” He extends a hand toward the door. “After you.”

We step out into the wind, the sails snapping overhead. The blue sky stretches on ahead for miles, but gray clouds still crowd the sky behind us. I’ve been on the deck three times now, but both times I was focused on what was in front of me: Tessa. Now, I inhale the sea air and look beyond the masts. The scent of fish is thick in the air, but it’s not overpowering thanks to the wind. I’ve sailed the Queen’s River before, but never quite like this. Our parents only boarded the finest ships, wide vessels with servants and attendants and liveried officers. The Dawn Chaser is a decent ship, but it’s not built for royalty. When we were boys, Harristan and I were always cloistered away, kept out of the wind, far from any railings. My brother never really took to travel by sea, so once he was king, he never asked for it. Our journeys to other sectors are almost always by land.

But now, feeling the wind bite at my cheeks and tug at my clothes, I find myself wishing I’d done this more often. There’s a part of me that wants to lean over the railing just because I can.

The thought feels juvenile, and I shove it away.

Lochlan would probably take a chance to pitch me overboard anyway.

When I glance over, I find Rian studying me.