Defend the Dawn (Defy the Night #2)(46)

“Do you mean to accuse me of something?”

His voice is low and dangerous, and for a brief second, I remember Captain Blakemore’s voice on the dock when he worried that he might be putting me at risk.

I hate the path all my thoughts have chosen to follow. I have to swallow and square my shoulders, and I knot my corset tightly. “No,” I say. “I hope you find this cabin acceptable. I’ll … I’ll retire to my own.” I turn for the door.

Corrick catches my arm, and I gasp, expecting him to grab me, but he doesn’t. His fingers are gentle, which shouldn’t be startling, but it is. When he hears my indrawn breath, he lets me go instantly. Something fractures in his gaze. “Tessa. Please. Stop. Tell me what just happened.”

“You said you’ve waited so long.”

He frowns, but he nods.

“I didn’t make you wait,” I say.

He’s frozen in place for the longest time, his jaw tight as he regards me. He’s the brother to the king. He can’t make promises or declarations. I know he can’t.

My cheeks are hot again, but I hold his gaze. “I don’t deserve to be treated like a secret, Corrick.”

A muscle in his jaw twitches. I wish he would say something. I wish he would do something.

“Forgive me,” he finally says, and his voice is as proper and courtly as I’ve ever heard it. “That wasn’t my intent.”

I know, I want to say, but I don’t know. Just like with the man in the candy shop, or with Lochlan’s presence on this ship, I don’t know. Not for sure.

So I curtsy just as formally, as if I weren’t just drowning in the taste of his mouth. “Thank you, Your Highness.”

That hits him like a dart. I can almost see the impact. He takes a step back and gives me a nod. “I bid you a pleasant evening, Miss Cade.”

That hits me like a dagger. My throat swells and my eyes blur, and I have to turn on my heel and stride for the door.

Just as I open it, I hear his voice, soft and beseeching. “Tessa.”

But the door is already open, Rocco and Kilbourne both standing at attention in the hall.

I don’t look at either of them. I allow the door to fall closed behind me, and I step across the corridor to close myself alone in the last remaining room.





CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Corrick

I honestly hadn’t thought things could get worse.

I want to go after her, but I don’t know what would undo this. A profession of love? A plea for forgiveness? Offering the kingdom on a string?

I’m not even sure she’d want any of that. It’s not even my kingdom to offer. It’s my brother’s. And right now, Kandala is no prize. I might as well offer her a hornet’s nest.

I wish I knew what Lochlan said to her. Right this instant, I want to do everything I said I would do to him.

Her words to me keep echoing in my thoughts.

I didn’t make you wait.

No. She didn’t.

The worst part is that she didn’t say the words with censure. She said them with … with understanding. She knows who I am. She knows my role. She knows that any promises come with the weight of the crown behind them.

She also knows who I’ve spent the last four years being. The King’s Justice. One of the most feared men in the entire country.

She didn’t say it, but she didn’t have to. I heard it in her voice when she asked about my intentions for Lochlan. When I took hold of her arm, she almost flinched.

I need to focus. I have duties here. An obligation to my king and my country. I shouldn’t have marched into this room and started … that.

But as I walked onto the ship, I kept thinking about the way Captain Blakemore invited her aboard ahead of my arrival, or the way he told her to call him by his given name at dinner. I kept thinking of his words about loyalty and honor and duty, and how his comments made my efforts to protect Kandala feel misguided and ineffective.

I kept hearing her voice from the moment he appeared in the dining room. Oh.

It’s far too similar to the way she said the very same word when my fingers found the lacing to her—

I force these thoughts to an abrupt halt. They’re going nowhere good.

I drop onto the side of the narrow bed and run my hands over my face. I wasn’t prepared to replace lust and desire with anger and frustration, and my body hasn’t fully caught up with my thoughts yet. The room feels too hot. Too small. I could step onto a battlefield and wage war this very second. I tug at my shirtsleeves to free the cuffs, then roughly shove them back.

The boat rocks and sways, but less than it did along the docks. We must be fully into the Queen’s River now.

This is happening. I’m leaving. I’m leaving Kandala.

I’m leaving my brother.

I have too many emotions, and they’re all colliding. I shove myself to my feet and stride for the door. I have no idea what I’m going to do, but I need to do something or I’m going to throw myself overboard.

But as my hand reaches for the door handle, I hesitate. I’ve hardly been on the ship for half an hour, but I don’t need anyone to think I’m upset—especially not my own guards. I’ve been King’s Justice for four years. I know how to swallow my temper. Close quarters never keep secrets well. If my guards start whispering about a spat between me and Tessa, it’ll be all over the ship in a matter of hours, and that’s the last thing I need.