Death in the Sunshine (Retired Detectives Club, #1)(92)
Lizzie and Philip leave after dinner. They did a good job of trying to hide it, but the tension is still obvious between them. Moira and Rick opt for a walk along the water before heading home. Moira keeps her pace slow to allow Rick to easily keep up. He’s moving better now than a couple of days ago, and that he’s out of hospital is definitely a win, but she can see he’s still in pain from the way he’s standing.
‘Quit looking at me like I’m knocking on death’s door,’ he says, but there’s a smile on his face.
‘I’m just . . .’ She shakes her head. ‘Sorry, I know you’re a tough guy, but you took a bullet, you need to take things easy.’
‘I’m pretty sure you’ve told me that already.’
‘I can’t help it if I care.’ She walks on a few steps before realising Rick’s not beside her. Turning, she retraces her steps until she’s standing in front of him.
He’s frowning. ‘How are you, really?’
Moira’s breath catches in her throat. Her heart rate accelerates. ‘What?’
Rick’s expression softens. ‘I asked you how you are, Moira. I know you’re good at putting on a tough exterior, but after what we talked about at the hospital I wanted to check how you’re doing. You were so cut up about what happened. How are you now?’
She exhales. Relief floods through her. It’s okay; she’d misheard. He’d asked how she is really, not who she is really. Taking a step closer to him, she breathes in his zesty aftershave and looks up to meet his gaze.
He smiles at her. ‘You know I’m here for you, right? You can tell me anything.’
Moira looks at him, this kind and thoughtful man mountain, and wishes that she could tell him the whole truth of who she really is. In some ways it would be a relief to share the secret. But she knows she can’t, not right now; it would be too dangerous for both of them. However far you travel, you can never truly hide from your past. And however much good you try to do, you never get a real second chance. So you have to do what you can with what you’ve got, and try to limit the damage going forward.
So she swallows back the full, unedited truth and forces a smile. Reaching out she gives Rick’s hand a squeeze. ‘I’m doing much better, thanks.’
He squeezes her hand back, and just for a moment she allows herself to imagine what things would be like if her real name was Moira Flynn and she didn’t have to hide her biggest secrets. As she looks into Rick’s kind eyes, she wishes she really could start over with the blank slate that the police doc used to talk about.
Letting go of Rick’s hand, she turns away towards the water. The smile dies on her lips. Because for her, no matter how hard she tries, she’ll never be able to truly escape from the past. What the police doc said was just psychobabble bullshit.
There never will be a tabula rasa.
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I had the idea for this book after going on a house-hunting excursion with my stepmom – Donna – in Florida. Recently widowed, she was considering the idea of moving to a large retirement community with all kinds of amenities (golf, swimming pools, etc.) right on her doorstep and a packed calendar of social activities and events on tap. In the end she decided it wasn’t a good fit for her, but from the viewings and the conversation about pros and cons (and I guess me thinking about ageing and getting older myself) my creative juices started flowing and the Retired Detectives Club was born. Sadly Donna passed away suddenly in April 2021 so although she knew her house hunt had been the inspiration for this book, she never got to read it. I’d like to think that if she’d had the chance she would have enjoyed it.
The book was still a seed of an idea when I first discussed it with the wonderful Jack Butler, and I’m eternally grateful to him for seeing the potential in it and being excited enough to take me, and the retired detectives, on to the Thomas & Mercer list before the book was even written.
It’s been a lot of fun writing this book, especially because the T&M team are so fantastic. Massive thanks to my new editor – the brilliant Hannah Bond – whose fabulous enthusiasm and guidance has helped craft this book from initial to final draft, and develop the world and the look of the Retired Detectives Club. I absolutely love working with you. And a super grateful shout out to my other awesome new editor, Leodora Darlington, for leaping into the breach while Hannah is on leave and expertly guiding this book out into the world. You are a total joy to work with.
Another huge thank you goes to the great Ian Pindar whose enthusiasm, structural editing input and insights have been invaluable in getting this book into the best shape possible. And a big thanks to Sadie Mayne and Gill Harvey for your fabulous work in copy-editing and proofing, and to Dolly Emmerson for skilfully guiding me through the production process.
To the whole T&M team – you are all a dream to work with.