Dating Dr. Dil (If Shakespeare was an Auntie #1)(45)

“How are the twins?” she continued.

Dinesh Uncle scoffed. “Too busy for their dad. One is at MIT and the other at Harvard. Between school and sports, they couldn’t make it home.”

She should start her tally. How many times would an uncle or aunty name-drop? Kareena knew that the twins were at MIT and Harvard, but Uncle’s comment was just a subtle reminder that she went to Rutgers instead so she could stay close to home.

“Well, we’re here to celebrate with you,” Kareena said, smiling as brightly as she could.

She greeted all the rest of the uncles before moving toward the kitchen and meeting her aunties. She was very aware of Prem exiting the foyer and joining the group of men. Veera and Deepak appeared to be deep in conversation next to the whiskey bottles, while Benjamin and Bobbi were nowhere to be found.

Prem continued to watch her from a distance as she kissed Sonali Aunty, Falguni Aunty, Farah Aunty, and Mona Aunty on their cheeks.

“I hope you don’t mind that I invited your match and some of his friends,” Sonali Aunty said, tongue in cheek. “I’m so glad that we found someone for you!”

Kareena couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “That Instagram post was, er . . . staged, and you know it, Aunty.”

“I wish we had staged photos like that in my youth,” Mona Aunty said, her eyes sparkling. “If anyone had caught me like that, my mother would never let me hear the end of it. But yours? She would’ve probably loved it.”

Sometimes Mona Aunty knew exactly what to say. “Mama would be so happy I have all of you to take care of me,” Kareena replied, ignoring the ache in her chest.

Farah Aunty draped an arm around her shoulder. “Beta, you have to tell us the truth. You two are dating now, nah?”

“No, Aunty,” Kareena said. She knew someone was going to eventually ask the question. “But if you’re so set on helping me, then why don’t you look at that huge network you all are always bragging about to find me the love of my life? I think the harassment all these years was just for show.”

Falguni Aunty picked up a pakora from a serving tray and dipped it in mint and coriander chutney. “Nonsense, beta,” she said. “It’s just hard to find someone for a woman who has such high standards. Which you should! But being as educated and outspoken as you are, men have sensitive egos.”

“Then I would rather not have a man,” she said.

“Quiet, both of you,” Mona Aunty said. Her rows of bangles chimed as she waved a hand in dismissal. “Kareena, if you’re asking us for help, then we will deliver the same wonderful human that your father was to your mother, darling. It’s the least we can do. If Prem is not for you, then we accept that. No more meddling with your Dr. Dil. Achha?”

“Achha, Aunty,” Kareena said.

“All of you keep talking nonsense,” Dadi said from the stove. “I’ve already started packing for India.” She tucked the end of her sari into her waist, so it didn’t get in the way of food prep. “This girl is not going to be engaged by the time we leave, and we’ll just have to sell this house to someone else.”

“Dadi,” Kareena interrupted. “I don’t think this is the time to—”

“You know Bindu got Kareena a massager for her neck for tension?” Dadi continued. “It’s a good gift! Maybe if she relaxes, she’d smile more, and people will see how beautiful she is. This girl doesn’t want it, which is good for me, because I think I need the massager now more than she does! I have all this tension. I’m old now, ready to die, and this massager is the only thing that helps me.”

She pulled open the kitchen drawer filled with spatulas and ladles to pull out the Asian Sensation clit stimulator vibrator.

“Oh my god,” Kareena gasped. She glanced around, hoping none of the uncles or her father could see this. Where was Bindu?

Kareena had no idea what she did in her past life to deserve this.

“Dadi, I don’t think you should—”

Dadi placed it on her neck and pressed a button. “See? I keep it in the kitchen so I can relax while cooking. It has twelve different speeds and patterns.”

Farah Aunty laughed. “I have that, too! Except I use it to massage other things.”

Kareena knew her grandmother was going to ask a follow-up, and the aunties weren’t going to hold back. “Something’s burning,” she blurted out.

It was like she dropped an atomic bomb in the kitchen. Everyone hustled to the stove, the oven, and the microwave.

“It’s not the daal, is it?” Sonali Aunty asked. “Something smells.”

“Maybe it’s your frozen samosas,” Farah Aunty replied.

“They aren’t frozen, they’re fresh!”

“Ha,” Falguni Aunty said. “You’ve never made a fresh samosa in your life, Sonali.”

In the midst of their distraction, Kareena rushed her grandmother, snatched the vibrator out of her hand, and tossed it into the drawer before slamming it closed.

“Kareena, what is this bakawaas you say?” Dadi hissed. “That’s my vibrator!”

“Exactly,” Kareena whispered back. “It’s a vibrator. You can’t use it in public!”

“I’m here!” Bindu’s voice boomed from the front entrance. She walked in decked out from head to toe in jewelry and sparkling clothes. Loken, an expression of exhaustion on his face, followed closely behind. “Happy birthday, Dinesh Uncle!” she shouted.