Daisy Jones & The Six(80)

Karen: He answered the door and I stood there and I thought, Why did I come here? There was nothing I could say to him to fix anything.

Graham: Why couldn’t she see the future I saw?

Karen: I said, “You don’t understand me. You expect me to be someone I’m not.”

And Graham said, “You never loved me the way I loved you.”

And both of those things were true.

Graham: What could we do? How do you come back from that?

Karen: I leaned into him and I pushed my body against his. He wouldn’t hug me at first. He wouldn’t put his arms around me. But then he did.

Graham: She felt warm in my arms. But for some reason I remember her hands being cold. I don’t know how long we stayed like that.

Karen: Sometimes I wonder, if I was Graham, maybe I would have wanted a baby, too. If I knew someone else would raise it, someone else would let go of their own dreams, someone else would sacrifice and keep everything together while I went and did what I wanted and came back on weekends … maybe then I might want a baby, too.

Although, I don’t know. I’m still not sure that I would.

I guess what I’m saying is that I wasn’t mad at Graham. For not understanding me. And, ultimately, I don’t think he was all that mad at me, for what I wanted.

Graham: We hurt each other very badly. And that is my biggest regret. That is my very biggest regret. Because I loved her with all of my fucking soul. To this day, there is a piece of me that still loves her. And there is a piece of me that will never forgive her.

Karen: Even now, talking about him feels like poking a bruise.

Graham: I knew when I went to bed that night, I couldn’t be in a band with her.

Karen: There was no way we could be around each other, day to day, anymore. Maybe stronger people could have. We couldn’t.

Billy: I sat down at the bar and I ordered a tequila neat. And it arrived. And I sat there and I picked it up and swirled it around and I sniffed it. And then two women came up to me, and asked me to sign autographs for them. Said they’d never seen anything like Daisy and me. I signed two cocktail napkins and pretty soon after, they left.

Daisy: It was the middle of the night when I got back to the hotel. I don’t remember what I’d been doing. I just remember that I was avoiding Billy. I think I probably walked around the city or something. I was still plastered when I got back to the lobby. And I turned right, to head for the bar. I remember thinking I didn’t even want to be conscious.

But I must not have realized where I was going or what I was doing because I ended up walking straight into the elevator. I thought, All right, guess I’ll take my reds and go to bed. But when I got to my room, I couldn’t get my key in the door. I kept trying but I couldn’t get it to fit. I think I was making a lot of noise.

And then I thought I heard a child’s voice.

Billy: I grabbed the glass—the tequila, I mean—I grabbed it again and I stared at it. And I thought about what it would taste like. Clean smoke. I was lost in it when the guy next to me went, “Hey, you’re Billy Dunne, aren’t you?” And I put it down.

Daisy: I was stuck out there, in the hallway. Unable to get into my room. And I slumped down on the ground and I started crying.

Billy: I said, “Yes, I am.”

And the man said, “My girl’s got a real thing for you.”

I said, “Sorry about that.”

And he said, “What are you doing down here in a bar by yourself? You seem like a guy who could be with any woman in the world.”

I said, “Sometimes you have to be alone.”

Daisy: I looked down the hall and I realized it was … well … out into the hallway comes Camila and she’s holding Julia …

Author: Wait a minute.

Author’s Note: While I have made a concerted effort to remove myself from the narrative, I have included here a verbatim transcript of one conversation I had with Daisy Jones because I am, in fact, the only one that can corroborate this essential piece of Daisy’s story.

Daisy: Yeah.

Author: You were wearing a white dress.

Daisy: Yeah.

Author: And you were sitting in the hallway. You couldn’t open your own door.

Daisy: Yeah.

Author: And my mom …

Daisy: Yeah, your mom opened the door for me.

Author: I remember this. I was with her. I had woken up and had a bad dream.

Daisy: You were about five or so, I think. So … you’ve got a good memory.

Author: I mean, I completely forgot about it but now that you’re saying it, I do remember being there with you. But my mom never mentioned anything. I wonder why she didn’t talk about this with me.

Daisy: I always got the impression that if the story were to be told, Camila would consider it mine to tell.

Author: Oh, okay. All right, well, then what happened?

Daisy: Your mom … well, Camila … or … should I keep saying everyone’s names? You said earlier that I had to always say her name.

Author: Yeah, go ahead. Call me Julia. Call my mom Camila. Just as we’ve been doing.

This marks the end of the transcript.

Daisy: Camila came into the hallway and she was holding Julia. And she said, “Do you need help?” I didn’t understand why she was being so nice.

I said yes and she took my key and she let me into my room. And she walked in with me. She put Julia down on the bed. She told me to sit down and she brought me a glass of water. I said, “You can go. I’ll be okay.”