Daisy Darker(29)

My eldest sister often took charge of situations when we were children, and the fact that she is doing so now feels like a relief. I pretend not to notice, but I see her tap Conor on the arm as we are all leaving the music room, and feel a stab of inexplicable hurt when he hangs back. They don’t speak until they think the rest of us have returned to the lounge, but unknown to them, I’m waiting quietly out in the hall. I have to strain to listen, and cover my mouth with my hand to stop myself making a sound when I hear what they say.

‘You are right, we do need to call the police,’ Rose whispers.

‘Why do you agree with me all of a sudden?’ Conor asks.

‘No animal I know shares the human capacity for self-harm, but this wasn’t suicide.’

‘Why do you say that?’

‘Sadly, I often see poisoned pets in my line of work. People can be monsters. It’s one of the many reasons why I prefer animals. Dad is the only person in the family who drinks whisky. When I smelled his glass, it didn’t just smell of alcohol. My father was poisoned. It was murder, I’m sure of it.’

I don’t say a word, but I do wonder why Rose would choose to confide in Conor and not the rest of us. And why neither of them wanted to share that information with me. The shadow of a thought lingers in my mind, and I can’t seem to shake it. Not that I’ll ever say anything to either of them about it. I only self-destruct in private.

Back in the lounge, Trixie has fallen asleep on the large window seat at the far end of the room. It’s one of my niece’s favourite spots in the house, and she can often be found curled up there with a blanket and a book. Poppins the dog is stretched out on the floor beside her, gently snoring. It breaks my heart that such a kind child could have been born into such a cruel family. I’m glad she’s sleeping now. Hopefully she’ll stay that way until we can all leave.

I think that Rose is looking at her too, but it turns out she was looking at the dog.

‘Poppins is taking all of this very well, poor old girl,’ she says, to nobody in particular.

On hearing her name, Poppins comes to sit next to Rose.

‘That’s a good point. What will happen to the dog now that Nana is dead?’ Lily asks.

‘I’ll take her with me,’ Rose replies without hesitation.

‘You said that as if you’d already thought it through.’

We sit in silence for a while. I don’t think any of us know what to say. I look at each of their faces and see a mix of fear, shock and sorrow on every one. Rose strokes the dog and stares at the flames in the fire, with an expression I’ve never seen her face wear. Conor stares at Rose. Despite throwing another log on the fire, Nancy can’t seem to stop shivering. Lily goes to sit next to her and they hold hands. They have one of those mother–daughter relationships where they squabble all the time but never stay cross with each other for long. It’s another thing that I’ve always been jealous of.

‘Are you all right?’ Nancy asks her favourite daughter.

Lily shakes her head. ‘No, of course not. It’s just so awful. I think I’m in shock, we all must be.’

‘I meant you look pale. Are you feeling okay?’

‘I can’t find my diabetic kit, but don’t worry. Missing one shot of insulin won’t kill me.’

Lily wasn’t diagnosed as diabetic until her early twenties. She injects twice a day now and makes sure that everyone knows it. I’ve spent a lot of time with diabetics at the care home where I volunteer, and I feel for them, I really do. It isn’t an easy disease to live with at any age. But Lily doesn’t take her condition as seriously as she should, and her sweet tooth and habit of overindulgence was demonstrated again at dinner. My sister rarely worries about the things that she should.

‘Look how peaceful Trixie looks,’ Lily says, staring at her daughter. ‘I don’t know how I’m going to tell her what has happened. First Nana, then Dad . . .’

‘Maybe you don’t have to tell her? Let her sleep for now?’ Nancy suggests.

Lily nods, and I watch her quietly place a blanket over Trixie with unusual care and compassion. For a moment, I feel guilty about the bad thoughts I so often have about my sister. Maybe she is capable of loving someone more than she loves herself. Lily gently kisses her daughter on the forehead and strokes her hair, in a rare display of maternal affection.

‘What do we do with this?’ asks Conor.

He’s holding the VHS tape from the kitchen with the words WATCH ME on the front. We all stare at it and him as though he’s holding a grenade and has suggested pulling out the pin.

‘Throw it on the fire?’ suggests Lily.

‘Why would someone leave that there for us to find?’ I ask.

‘Who put it there is the question we should all be asking,’ says Conor. ‘And what if it explains what is happening here tonight?’

‘It just looks like another Darker family home movie,’ Rose replies, as Conor removes the tape from its cover. We can all see the white sticky label on the side of it. ‘SEAGLASS ~ 1980’ written in Nana’s swirly handwriting. Rose takes the tape from Conor’s hands.

‘Should we watch it?’ asks my mother. The rest of us exchange glances. ‘What else are we going to do for five hours? Sitting here in silence while we wait for the tide to go out will only make the hours pass more slowly, and things surely can’t get any worse. Personally, I’d welcome any distraction to take my mind off what has happened here tonight, and it might be nice for all of us to remember happier times?’