Curtsies & Conspiracies (Finishing School, #2)(57)

“I won’t ask for the details.”

“Nor should you. Well, can you?”

Vieve scrunched up her nose. “Explosives aren’t my strongest suit. It’s ridiculously difficult to acquire them when one is only ten. Then again, I could link something under pressure to his own functionality, get the viscosity of the oil down enough to begin a gradual buildup.” Her forehead wrinkled. “You’d have to shut him down and clean him out if you got him back early.”

“Show me how?”

“Of course.”

“The boiler room, this evening?”

Vieve nodded and then skittered off.

At breakfast Professor Shrimpdittle was red-eyed and panicky, with a very high cravat tied about his neck.


Soap was thrilled to see Sophronia that night. “My goodness, miss, I thought you’d forgotten all about us.” His grin practically lit up the boiler room.

Sophronia thought he was looking remarkably fit. Had he got himself new clothing? Well, newer clothing. “Never, Soap. Things have simply been busy with this trip, that’s all.”

“And with all them fine visiting gentlemen?” Soap’s tone was overly casual.

“Now, Soap. You know you’ll always be my favorite.”

Soap tugged his own ear self-consciously. “Aw, miss.”

Sophronia unstrung Bumbersnoot from his reticule disguise and put him down on the floor. His tail tick-tocked happily as he nibbled chips of coal and snuffled in the black dust.

“So, miss, what’s the doggerel?”

Sophronia relayed to Soap some of what she was currently scheming—the bits she was tolerably certain wouldn’t offend. She told him of Vieve’s plan to relocate, her own plotting against Shrimpdittle, the fortune-teller spy, and the possible attempted kidnapping of Dimity and Pillover. And how it all might be tied to Giffard’s fancy new dirigible technology and the guidance valve that was once a prototype.

It was a like telling an adventure story to a child. Sophronia made the most of it, exaggerating her own actions rather more than was truthful, and detailing the Chaise Longue Attack as if it were some epic battle.

Soap, and the small crowd of sooties who joined him, were entranced. They gasped in all the right places. When Vieve arrived and scooped up Bumbersnoot, they barely noticed. The younger girl settled herself to tinker with the mechanimal, making a host of adjustments and configurations. She placed a round spidery thing inside his storage compartment that looked uncomfortably deadly and hooked it into the dog’s tiny steam engine with various cables.

By the time Sophronia had finished her tale, Vieve was done with Bumbersnoot. Sensing that story time was over, the sooties dispersed.

Vieve showed Sophronia the adjustments she’d made.

“You detach it here, like so.” She tapped the side of the spider in a pattern of pressed buttons and twisted nobs.

Sophronia memorized it.

“That’s the only shut-down sequence that will incapacitate the explosive. Otherwise, it’s timed to be heat dependent. If you try to remove it early, it will explode. What I’ve done is connected it to Bumbersnoot’s boiler. This will cause a slow buildup. He already has a safety thermometer in his storage stomach to prevent overheating; this will cause him to regurgitate the explosive in exactly twenty-four days, if my calculations are correct. If the device is disconnected, it will explode in minutes. All this timing is rather delicate and requires that Bumbersnoot runs standard practices. If he is walked at high speed too frequently, he’ll emit the explosive sooner.”

“Will there be any kind of warning?” Sophronia asked, patting Bumbersnoot’s head.

“His tail will begin to wag faster and faster. When it’s going as fast as a hummingbird’s wings, he’s about to regurgitate.”

“How do we ensure he himself gets out of the blast range?” Sophronia was worried for her beloved pet’s safety. “And how do I get him back?”

Vieve shrugged unhelpfully.

“Ah, is that the mechanimal?” Madame Spetuna appeared as if out of nowhere.

Everyone started, including the sooties, who were usually excellent at spotting an intruder in their domain.

“Who are you?” Soap demanded.

“Ah, Soap, this is Madame Spetuna. She is that fortune-teller.”

“How do you do?”said Soap, intrigued.

Madame Spetuna nodded at him curtly. Clearly, she had no time for sooties.

After exchanging glances with Vieve, Sophronia said, “This is Bumbersnoot. Bumbersnoot, this is Madame Spetuna. You’ll be visiting with her for the next few weeks.”

Bumbersnoot’s ears dropped. He whistled bit of steam out his undercarriage in query.

“It not that you’ve done anything wrong, Bumbersnoot. It’s a covert mission for you.”

Bumbersnoot did not look convinced.

“Come now, you want to be an intelligencer like me, don’t you?” Sophronia patted the metal dog on his head and then handed him to Madame Spetuna. The fortune-teller began stroking the mechanimal covetously.

Sophronia said, “Vieve here has installed an exploding spider, and only the two of us know how to shut it down. If you try to take it out and keep him, it will explode in your hands. If you don’t get him back to me in under three weeks, he will emit it and explode.” Sophronia did not explain that said explosion would be slightly delayed. She wanted the woman to think that attempting to steal Bumbersnoot would be very hazardous. To provide further incentive, she added, “If you opt to merely drop him overboard, I will arrange for the flywaymen to learn who you really work for. I have broken into the record room before, you know.”