Cruel Magic (Royals of Villain Academy #1)(58)

The question echoed my worries about Deborah too closely for comfort. “I think I’m fine without one for now,” I said stiffly. “Don’t let me interrupt your dinner.”

I had even less interest in eating anything myself now. I set off toward the fitness building, thinking maybe I could work out a little of the tension coiled inside me on the machines.

“FYI, I’d steer clear of the lake if I were you,” Jude remarked to my back. “Connar headed that way a few minutes ago looking pretty fierce, and I’m sure you’ve seen what he’s like.” He phrased it like a warning, but his eager tone suggested he hoped I’d take it as a dare and find myself in a tough spot with his fellow scion.

He didn’t know that I had seen what Connar was like—and that the guy had a hell of a lot more to him than the “blockhead” Malcolm used as a bodyguard.

That meant Connar hadn’t told the other scions anything about what we’d talked about or what had happened between us in that spot over the lake. Whether he’d guarded that secret for himself or for me, I didn’t know, but suddenly I was sure that the lake was exactly where I wanted to go.

I didn’t even bother walking down to the open area of shore. I veered straight into the forest, cutting across the path and making my way up the slope. My heart beat faster as I neared the peak with a potent combination of anticipation and apprehension. Was this really the best idea? I didn’t know. I just—

I stepped out from between the trees, and my feet stalled.

I was alone on the clifftop. The clearing was vacant.

Wherever Jude had seen Connar heading, it hadn’t been up here.

My spirits crashed as if they’d been pummeled by a wave way bigger than anything the lake could produce. I swallowed hard.

It shouldn’t matter. It wasn’t as if I could even really call Connar a friend. But I’d wanted an escape, and as peaceful as this spot was, it wasn’t the place that had made me feel momentarily at home.

It’d been him.

I started back down the slope, disappointment condensing into a heavy lump in my chest. I’d made it about halfway down when a snapped twig farther below brought my head up.

Connar stopped several feet below me, catching sight of me at the same moment as I noticed him. For a second, I just stared at him, a little dazed.

His chestnut brown crew cut gleamed even darker than usual, the short strands lying damp along his forehead. His pale green dress shirt clung to his muscular chest in a few places as if it were damp too.

He must have gone swimming. The thought made me shiver. I’d dipped my feet in the lake from the dock a couple days ago and winced at the chill of the water.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey. I—I just thought you might be up there. Jude said something about you coming to the lake…”

“I’m heading up there now. I felt like I needed a quick swim first.” His forehead furrowed. “Are you all right?”

After weeks of putting on my best brave face for everyone, even Imogen and Shelby, even Deborah, something in me cracked open with the honest answer.

“No.”

He crossed the ground between us with a few quick strides, but he stopped with a couple feet of distance still between us. “Do you want to go up there now?”

“Yes.” Apparently I only had the capacity for single-word answers at the moment.

Connar didn’t seem to mind. He touched my wrist to nudge me to follow him, and rather than pulling back, he let his hand slide down to clasp mine. My pulse sped up again, but this time it was only eager.

With each step, the cracking sensation inside me expanded. By the time we reached the clearing, I could hardly breathe. I turned to Connar, and his jaw tightened at my expression. His arm came up around my back tentatively.

I let myself tip my head against his chest and then lean into his embrace. The smell of him filled my lungs, slightly watery from the lake but with a smoky edge that reminded me of one of the essential oils in my parents’ collection. Vetiver, maybe.

The pressure in my chest didn’t exactly release, but it did ease. Everything about Connar’s reaction told me that I hadn’t been crazy to come here. Maybe it was only here that we could be this close, but that was enough. He hadn’t jerked me around. He cared not just about how I was now but who I’d been before. I could be real with him in ways I wasn’t sure I could be real with anyone else in my life right now.

God, did I need that.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked after a bit.

I shook my head. “Leave everything behind, right?”

I heard his smile in his intake of breath. “That’s the beauty of this place.”

The word “beauty” tugged my mind back to the last time I’d spent here with him—the way he’d talked to me, the way we’d kissed. A giddy quiver ran down through my belly, but there was something I needed to know before I ended up repeating that moment.

I pulled back and looked up at him. For once, it was still light enough, with the sun only just about to set, that I could make out the color of his eyes. They were pale blue like the sky on a slightly hazy day. I wanted to drift in his gaze like a cloud.

“Last time,” I made myself say, “why did you kiss me?”

Connar’s eyebrows drew together. “Because… I wanted to?” he said, as if he had the feeling he’d stumbled into a test and that the only answer he had might not be satisfactory. But that was exactly what I needed to hear. No sign of ulterior motives or regrets. He’d wanted to, and I’d wanted to kiss him back, so that was that. Honest attraction.