Crazy for Loving You: A Bluewater Billionaires Romantic Comedy(18)

In all the chaos, I forgot to tell my family.

My sister Keely reads TMZ religiously. I open my truck, climb in, and fire up my phone, which I shut down last night when the battery started getting low. I’m tired, and I don’t want to deal with this. I got approximately forty-five minutes of sleep last night in the sprawling, sea-toned sitting room where the baby fussed and whimpered through the night, with the window open to let in the sea breeze and the sound of the bay outside.

Forty-five minutes of dream-filled sleep about getting summoned into that princess bedroom for a second chance at the striptease, followed by a booty call, courtesy of that flash of seeing Daisy naked at three AM.

She’s wild and unpredictable and annoying and irresponsible and fucking fascinating.

And for two whole minutes, I thought we’d have some fun. Until life happened.

But life with Daisy isn’t happening now. Because I’ve done the date a single mother thing one too many times.

No way I’m getting involved with a woman who just unexpectedly inherited a baby.

No matter what watching her face light up with joy and utter adoration at holding the baby did to that hollow in my chest.

My phone powers up, and a minute later, I get approximately six thousand message notifications. I scroll up, and start at the top of the family group text, and jump in apparently just in time.



Keely: WESTLEY MICHAEL JAEGER, YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE WITH ME. A BABY? You inherited a BABY with a BILLIONAIRE HEIRESS PARTY GIRL and you let us find out from people.com? angry emoji shocked emoji



Mom: Keely, I told you, that article was about a different Westley Jaeger. Our West would’ve told us if he inherited a baby.



Britney: Mr. I’ll Take Care Of This Myself? No, Mom, he wouldn’t have.



Mom: He didn’t even know that awful woman.



Keely: Yes, he did. Remember? “He strokes paint onto the wall like he’s never satisfied a woman in his life and he probably stuffs his pants with ass padding to make it look that good.”



Mom: Oh, THAT woman? THAT was the woman who left him a BABY? Honey. This is just Tyler setting up another prank.



Allie: God, Keely, did you memorize that review? And Tyler knows a lot of people, but even he can’t hack people.com to put up a prank article about West.



Allie: Wait. Actually, he probably knows someone who could. Tyler, tell me you didn’t set this up.



Tyler: I WISH I set it up. That’s fucking epic. W, did someone else set this up? Who else knows you well enough to pull off the prank of the century?



Britney: West, we know you have your hands full, but if you don’t answer in the next two minutes, we’re organizing a convoy and charging Daisy Carter-Kincaid’s mansion. sword emoji dragon emoji knight emoji



West: You can’t teleport from Chicago, so don’t threaten it. Yes, I inherited the 1-star lady’s kid. No, I don’t know why. Yes, with Daisy. No, you can’t come see the house just because you want to. Sorry I didn’t tell you—been a little busy the last twelve hours or so. Don’t get excited—it won’t stick.



Allie: West, I still have Liliana’s high chair. Actually, it’s the last baby thing I have left. Yours if you want it. I’ll ship it, because you’re my favorite big brother, and it’s about time you settled down and gave Mom kids, considering how long you’ve already made her wait.



Keely: DO NOT GIVE AWAY YOUR LAST BABY ITEM OR YOU’LL GET PREGNANT AGAIN, YOU IDIOT. West, I’ll buy you a fucking high chair. DO NOT TAKE ALLIE’S. Also, insensitive much? HELLO, THE SIERRA YEARS. If West wants a baby, I fully support him inheriting one of his own.



Britney: Not touching that Keely said the S-word, but hard agree on the high chair. Don’t take Allie’s. pacifier emoji avocado emoji



Allie: You guys, Oscar’s fixed. More babies are NOT a concern. And avocado? WTF, Brit? I don’t know what that means.



Allie: OH! Right. Avocado. Good baby food. I got it now.



Keely: GIF of woman falling over laughing You’re all nuts, and DAISY CARTER-KINCAID CAN FUCKING AFFORD A HIGH CHAIR. Can we get back to the important part here?



Britney: Keely’s right, Allie. We should talk about the important part. Has Oscar had his semen tested to make sure it’s swimmer-free? Not saying I know from personal experience how important that is, but baby emoji baby emoji baby emoji



Mom: OMD, you’re pregnant with TRIPLETS?



Allie: Mom. It’s O-M-G. Oh My Gosh. G. G. G.



Mom: I like D. It drives your father nuts when I say Oh My Dog. Back to the triplets. OMD, I’m CRYING. Four new grandbabies in one day.



Dad: I’m sitting next to goob reading these sexts too, May Ella. I can creed what you just let’s go to bed.



Dad: Let’s go to bed.



Dad: LET’S GO TO BED.



Dad: What the duck is wrong with my dingaling?



Dad: Dingaling.



Dad: GOOBERSNATCHER BRA BRA LIGHTWEIGHT, Tyler, QUIT MESSING WITH MY DINGAGLING SETTINGS.



Britney: NO! NO I AM NOT PREGNANT AGAIN. profanity emoji Jesus. I cut his fucking balls ALL THE WAY OFF after the twins happened. eggplant emoji And we get him tested every three weeks to make sure the snip-snip is still working. I just hit the emoji button too many times. Good DOG you people are crazy. dog emoji eye roll emoji