Cracked Kingdom (The Royals #5)(81)

“I can’t believe the headmaster just let you walk out.” I stare over my shoulder at the front of the school.

“Beringer knows my dad is like an ATM. We Royals get in trouble and our good ol’ headmaster’s buying a new Beemer. It all works out in the end.”

He’s so matter-of-fact about this and I don’t really care, so I drop it and turn my attention toward an important issue. “We’re going to the apartment, right?”

He pauses before closing the door. “I thought I’d take you home.”

How do I explain, in a nice way, that I think his brother might smother me with a pillow? “I’d feel better at the apartment. It’s cozier there.”

His brows furrow in suspicion, but my not-so-fake moan of pain convinces him to agree. “Apartment it is.”

No matter how hard I try, I can’t keep Sebastian’s face out of my head. He hates me. I don’t know if it’s because of the accident or because of what happened after the accident, but it’s the ugly truth. That causes me so much more pain than Kyle’s fist in my stomach. I can heal from the punch. I can heal from the kick. I can get over a nasty word from Felicity’s mouth.

I don’t know that I’ll get over losing Easton. I’m not ready for my world to be dark again.

But what are my options? I can’t separate East from his family. They’re a unit. A puzzle that only looks right when all the pieces are slotted into place together.

“You’re thinking about something so hard that it’s going to slow the car down. What is it?”

I could lie to him. That’d be easy. Or maybe that’s the coward’s way out. That way I can always say to myself that Easton didn’t fight for me. That way I can be the victim. Which is bullshit. I hate being the victim. If my memory loss gave me a new chance at life, then I shouldn’t color my future with lies and self-pity.

“Your brother doesn’t like me much.”

“So you saw him?”

I roll my head toward East. “You, too?”

He clicks his tongue against his teeth. “Hard not to. Look, Seb’s a few days out of waking up from a coma. He probably shouldn’t even be at school. The boy’s as weak as a kitten. A hard wind is going to take him down. All of that combined with Lauren breaking it off is making him feel down. Give him time to come around.”

I could do that. I could also fall deeper in love with Easton—so deep that it’d feel like a part of me was torn away when we broke up. Or I could run now in self-preservation. That’s the opposite of being a victim. Running away is the smartest option to take when faced with danger. I’m sure I read that somewhere.

“I can’t remember events, but I remember feelings. There was a strange unfamiliarity whenever I was with Kyle. Felicity invoked fear. So did my dad. When I thought of you, I always got this warm glow. When I try to press into the endless black box that I think my past is locked into, there’s this deadness. Like I’m standing in the middle of the desert and there’s no one around and there hasn’t been anyone around forever. I yell as hard as I can for as long as I can until I have no breath, but there’s no response. There’s not even an echo. The sound’s swallowed up. That’s loneliness, and when I think hard about the past, that’s what I remember. I don’t want that for you.”

“What about you? What do you want for you?”

God, why is he asking me such hard questions? “What I want for you and what I want for me don’t seem compatible at this point.”

“So is your answer for us to break up?” His voice is even, almost unconcerned. His hands are loose around the wheel and his shoulders show no signs of tension. Whereas I’m as tight as a knot.

“I don’t know what the answer is. Maybe we wait. We wait until Sebastian comes around.”

“He has a brain injury. That’s why he’s fucked up. I read about it the other night. It’s actually super common for people with brain trauma to turn out to be angry bastards for no reason. He may never come around. What then?”

I don’t answer him, because like I told him before, I don’t have an answer. At least not one that I’m willing to say out loud.





Chapter 31





Easton





“I can’t believe the principal just let us walk out like that,” Hart says as I pull up next to the curb in Ella’s tiny car.

“Headmaster Beringer’s spineless. My dad’s bought him off a ton of times. Last time was when Ella slammed Jordan Carrington around at school. Jordan deserved it. She and her friends cut a girl’s hair, stripped her naked, and taped her to the side of the main building.”

Her jaw falls open. “What?”

“Astor Park used to be a madhouse.”

“Used to be?”

“Sure. We’re using flags on flagpoles now instead of people taped to the wall. That’s progress. Hold on. I’ll come get you.” I hop out and round the car’s front to get to Hartley. Kyle’s punches have literally taken the wind out of her sails, because she’s still struggling to get out of the car when I reach her.

“Come on, babe. Let me help you.”

She sits back on the seat with a sigh of frustration. “I’m still going to the park tonight.”