Connected (Connections, #1)(17)

I decide to move on and tell her my decision.

“I had a revelation on the way over here.”

“Really? And what would that be?”

Attempting to restrain my voice as much as I could manage, while fighting back the tears, I say, “I’m going to sell the house.”

I see the concern written on her face as she responds, “Are you sure? I mean, are you sure you’re ready? This is kind of sudden. The last time Grace talked to you about the idea, you shut her down flat.”

I shift a little in my chair and take a sip of water. “Yeah, I’m sure. Everything about the house reminds me of Ben, and it’s not just the house, it’s the whole damn neighborhood. I need to do this. I know I do.” As I tell Aerie how I feel, as I finally start to open up to her for the first time in such a long time, I realize that I just said his name. I actually used his name. I said Ben. I said the name I must have said over a million times until almost two years ago, and I know my emptiness is starting to fill back up. I know I will always have him in my heart, but Ben will forever be in memories not in life. My whole body tenses and locks up at the realization, and my eyes rim with tears. I battle with my internal emotions to relax and will these drops not to spill over.

Aerie reaches across the table and gently wipes one of my cheeks where a few of the persistent tears flowed against my will. She takes a deep breath, and I see her eyes start to fill with tears as well, having realized that I said his name. “I think it’s a good idea Dahlia. I think you need to remove yourself from the things that prevent you from moving forward.”

I take my napkin and wipe my mouth for no reason. “I know I need to, I just don’t know if I can.”

The waiter approaches and takes our order. Once he leaves, Aerie looks directly at me with concern still etched on her face. “Yes you can, you are stronger than you think, and you have me, you have Grace, and Serena too. We will all help.”

Putting her napkin on her lap, she gives me a slight smile. “I think moving is the best decision you’ve made in a while.”

Her voice cracking a little as she adds, “And this is none of my business, but you know that has never stopped me before, so I’m just going to throw this out there for you.”

She pauses looking anywhere except at me and then continues. “I was thinking, why don’t you give his car to Trent?”

Her words come out fast and I can see the tears begin to well in her eyes. After all this time, Aerie still hasn’t been able to say his name to me, probably for fear I will break down.

The atmosphere in the open restaurant is causal, but I suddenly feel stifled as tears fill my own eyes now, and I’m sure I’m going to surprise the shit out of her with my next quick response.

“You know what, that’s a great idea. In fact I’ll call Serena and see if it’s okay. I have actually been thinking about that for awhile, since Trent turns sixteen next week.”

I take a piece of bread and rip off the crust. I dunk it in the olive oil in hopes that my eyes will stop stinging by the distraction.

“I think Ben would have wanted his nephew to have his car, he loved that car and he loved Trent. I know Trent misses Ben too, surfing with him, and driving to the beach with him. Trent always told Ben his car had so much power and gumption and loved to go anywhere with him.”

Shaking my head and laughing a little, I think about how happy this will make Trent. I’m also trying not to cry at the thought of Ben’s car not being parked next to mine, as I chew on the piece of bread that I feel I might choke on.

Aerie laughs a little too, but tears are rolling down her cheeks. “Power and gumption, those are two great words to describe him, not just his car.”

She picks up her napkin and dabs the tears off her cheeks. “God he did love that damn car.”

Her laughter fades as she reaches her hand across the table and sets it next to my plate, silently asking for mine.

“Dahlia, you know how much he loved you.”

She pauses a minute like she’s trying to decide if she should say something or not as she starts to pat my hand.

“And because of how much he loved you, you know he would want you to move on and live your life. I think he would be happy with your decision.”

Removing her hand from mine, she clears her throat. Smiling, and just barely laughing now, she adds, “I also know if he were here, he would have kicked your ass for not making that decision sooner.”

Aerie pauses again, raising her water glass and waits for me to do the same. Then she clinks her glass to mine. “To bright days ahead, Dahlia girl, I know they’re coming.”

And before either of us can cry, our food arrives.

We spend the rest of lunch just chatting about nothing, and I really enjoy the food and the company. As we finish, Aerie’s look becomes more serious and determined. “I need a favor,” she says, tilting her head to the side and smiling at me. “Tom quit yesterday, and I need you back at work, I’m really short staffed in the photo department at the magazine. Dahlia girl, please I need you.”

I sigh knowing I’m not ready to commit to anything full-time, and without thinking, I quickly answer, “I’d be happy to help you out until you get someone else.”

Aerie’s face contorts slightly as she says, “No, I mean come back to work full-time. Take Tom’s job. I need you.”