Confidential(71)

“A monster? Seriously, Kate?” I kicked off my covers. I was overheating.

“Two women have filed complaints against him with his licensure board. Both were withdrawn. Has he told you that?”

No, he hadn’t. But of course he would have been embarrassed, and his accusers must have been lying. Otherwise, why would they have withdrawn their complaints? They were probably in love with him, like the blonde giraffe. Women were territorial. It was a dangerous business, being a desirable man treating needy women. Disturbed women, like the giraffe. The way she charged at me—it was like she really was an animal sprung from the zoo. So much aggression. I wanted to warn Michael, but how could I? I shouldn’t have been there.

I’d been rethinking that confrontation with the giraffe. She said she’d overheard me in the waiting room, so it must have been the day I stormed in. Based on her eavesdropping, she could easily have assumed I was Michael’s girlfriend, and given the vitriol, she further assumed that Michael and I had broken up. He hadn’t told her anything.

In other words, nothing had changed. Michael had accepted my blanket apology, and now we were getting back on track.

Since the mugging, every time I was with Michael I’d been emphasizing my victimhood, acting like I couldn’t handle normal life quite yet, in the hopes that he’d relish being my protector, that he wouldn’t kick me out or confront me. So far, so good.

But it was hard to be in my own apartment, even for one night. I could understand why Michael wanted a little time to himself, with how solicitous he’d been. It must have been exhausting. I told him that we could just hang out, in different rooms, even. He didn’t need to take care of me every minute; he could have some space. But he said he wanted to drink beer in his underwear and watch porn. He was probably kidding.

It was perfectly normal for him to want to be alone, and I had no real problem with beer or porn. But not knowing what he really was thinking or what he felt, not being able to read his face—it scared me.

“Yes, he told me what happened with those women,” I lied to Kate. “Or rather, what didn’t happen, which is why they withdrew their complaints.”

“And you believe him?”

“Yes, Kate!” I nearly yelled, exasperated. “I believe him! I love him.”

“Love is a terrible reason for believing him.” Then she turned accusing. “But I thought we were going to talk about me.”

“I’d rather talk about you! I’m sick of talking about Michael. You hate him, fine. You think he’s a monster, which is ridiculous, but okay, I have to accept it. And you have to accept that he’s not going anywhere.”

“You only want to talk about me to avoid talking about him?”

I walked around the room, trying to discharge the energy coursing through me. “No, that’s not it. I want to know how you are because I care.”

Another snort. “Yeah, you care so much. That’s why you took a full twenty-four hours to call and tell me that you were okay after the mugging.”

“I’d just been attacked. I was trying to figure out whether to go to the police or not. You weren’t the first thing on my mind, okay?”

“Did Michael tell you not to call me?”

“No.” By a tacit understanding, neither of us mentioned Kate anymore.

“Did he tell you not to report it to the police?”

“No. He wanted me to. But I couldn’t describe my attacker, so why bother? Why put myself through that?”

“Do you know what you put me through? I couldn’t reach you. I was debating whether to call your parents and see if they’d heard from you, but I didn’t want to freak them out. I was awake all night.” She sounded like she was on the verge of tears, and I was chastened.

“I’m sorry. You’re right, I should have called sooner.”

“I’ve given this a lot of thought, and all I can tell you is, it’s him or me. I can’t be in your life and watch him destroy you.”

I spun on my heel. “If you really think he’s such a monster, you’re going to leave me to him? Whatever happened to loyalty?”

“You won’t let me help you, and I can’t stand it. It’s getting so that I . . .”

“You what?”

“It’s not just him. I’m starting to hate you, too,” she said, just above a whisper.

“You can’t mean that.”

“I’ve looked up to you my whole life, and I can’t stand how you are now. You’re weak and pathetic. You lie to me. You lie for him. You’re choosing him over me—”

“You’re out of your mind, do you know that?”

“You’ve got that backward.” She was speaking in a way that was clipped and deliberate, very un-Kate. “You’re going to find that out someday, and I’m not going to be around to see it.”





CHAPTER 56





GREER


It shouldn’t have felt like a date, but it did. Maybe that said something about how little dating I’d done over the past few years, or ever.

We’d hit the pavement after a multi-hour consultation with my attorney, working out the myriad protections for both Michael and me, given the peculiarity of our situation. We were heady and exhilarated. We were in this together, and we were starving.