Code Name: Nanny (SEAL and Code Name #5)(35)
Audra had it sometimes, too.
The Fear came when you were certain the other kids laughed about your clothes or your breath or the size of your butt. It came when you were certain your parents would do something ridiculously uncool and make everyone point at you and snicker.
Most of all, it came when you felt like Audra did now—alone.
Invisible.
Stupid and clumsy, like no one else had ever understood you or ever could, because you were like from Pluto and everyone else was from Muncie, Indiana.
“Ground control to space head.”
“Shut up,” Audra hissed into the phone, easing open the window next to the big tree on the lawn. “I’m coming out now. See you in two minutes.”
“About time.”
The line went dead.
Audra pulled out a black fire ladder and dangled it from the window, looping the metal clamps over the sill. The ladder was Tracey’s, courtesy of stepfather #3, who had been in the insurance business and had a fixation about house fires, maybe because he hated to pay up afterward. He’d been a real cheapskate, Tracey had said, but he knew about how to get out of a house fast.
Like all the other times, the ladder worked like a dream, falling silently and unrolling to its full length. Audra shut off her cell phone and stuck it in her pocket, then worked her way over the sill. Turning carefully, she pulled the window almost shut and then began to pick her way down. Five feet from the ground, she jumped clear, then made her way along a little space behind the bougainvillaeas.
Tracey was sitting on the ground near a big jade plant at the edge of the garage. Huge earphones framed her face as she bobbed her head to unheard music.
“Let’s go,” Audra hissed. “And be quiet, because the senator hasn’t left yet.”
“No shit.” Tracey brushed off the back of her skintight denim skirt. “Let’s go pay a late-night visit. I mean, the man is such a stud. Even my mom says she’d be open to a little Oval Office sex with him.”
“Shut up, Tracey.” Audra stamped off toward the driveway.
“Hey, I’m sorry, okay?” Tracey caught up and grabbed her arm. “I keep forgetting he’s going to be your father. Stepfather, anyway.”
“It feels creepy when you talk that way.” Audra jerked free. “Like you don’t care about yourself or anyone else.”
“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t care much about other people because they suck, but we’re best friends, right? We stick together no matter what.” Tracey’s face was pale and pinched in the moonlight. “Right?”
“Sure.” Audra shrugged, feeling uneasy the way she always did when her friend acted odd and hyper like this. “Let’s get out of here. If someone sees me, I’ll be grounded for the next century.”
They picked their way behind another set of bushes, expertly avoiding the gravel. A few minutes later they came to a broad screened porch behind Tracey’s house.
Audra sat down on a wicker chair in the darkness, fingering her cell phone. “I think I’ll call that cute guy from my biology lab.”
“You think he’ll come out?”
Audra shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe we could just talk for a while. I’m only staying thirty minutes, remember? My mom’s still mad at me after what happened at the museum today. She’s been so hyper lately,” Audra said in disgust.
“At least your mom notices what you do.” Tracey paced in the darkness. “Last night I didn’t come home until almost five. Believe me, they don’t give Girl Scout badges for the stuff I was doing.”
Audra looked away, angry at the way the excitement had gone out of the night, leaving her empty again, feeling guilty though she’d done nothing wrong except sneak outside to keep her friend company. “Big deal.”
Tracey dropped into a swing near the door. “You’re no damned fun, that’s for sure.”
Audra shivered in the darkness, feeling more alone than ever. Facing The Fear.
Sometimes she almost wished she were a kid again, when her only worries were getting her braids straight and remembering where she’d hidden her Little Pony diary.
But mostly Audra wished she were completely grown-up. Then she’d never feel alone and afraid again.
“Want a cigarette?” Tracey tossed something through the darkness.
“Sure.” Everything else so far had been a real bust, Audra thought. Her stomach growled, and she ignored it.
Twenty minutes later Tracey was in the middle of her third cigarette and a hectic story about the football player who had groped her after gym class.
Audra glared down at the fluorescent numbers on the watch her mother had given her for her fourteenth birthday.
To hell with Tracey and her stupid stories. She was going home. Sneaking out like this was dangerous—not that there had been any crimes on this street for ages, but Audra knew something was worrying her mom, making her hyper.
Probably some case at work. Though her mom never discussed her job, Audra knew she had to face down angry men and ugly crimes. Secretly, Audra was proud of her mom for doing stuff like that, for being so strong, because sometimes those men went to jail. Then they wanted revenge against the people who’d put them there.
That meant her mother.
They never talked about stuff like that, though. Probably her mother thought she was still a kid and wouldn’t understand. Or maybe she didn’t want her to understand, because understanding changed you.