Claiming Sarah (Ace Security #5)(42)

“Yeah?” he asked with a smile.

“Yeah. Because I feel as if we’ve broken all my rules anyway . . . might as well go whole hog.”

Not able to help himself, Cole leaned down and kissed her again. This time it was a short and heartfelt meeting of lips instead of the intense, almost-desperate kiss of before. When he pulled back this time, he closed his eyes and simply lived in the moment for a second.

Cole wasn’t an idiot. He knew what he was and what he wasn’t. He was a good friend, a competent businessman. He could see through someone’s bullshit a mile away. But he’d never thought of himself as a good bet as a woman’s partner. But with Sarah, the doubts in his head faded away. He knew that with her by his side, he would be a better man. A better friend. The kind of man a woman could rely on, no matter what she needed. He’d be there for her.

For Sarah.

“Cole?” she asked gently.

He felt her fingers stroking his chest, and he took a deep breath. They were still plastered together from hips to stomach, and he knew she had to feel his erection against her. But she wasn’t freaking out. Wasn’t pulling away. She gave him the space he needed to gather his thoughts.

His eyes opened and he blurted, “I will not let you down.”

Sarah frowned at him. “What?”

There was so much he wanted to say. He wanted to plead with her to not give up on them. That he was probably going to screw something up, but he’d never mean to. That he’d bend over backward to make sure she was safe, happy, and healthy. That he wouldn’t be a douche and walk away if she got sick or hurt. That he wouldn’t cheat on her, ever.

But the words got stuck in his throat. It was his turn to panic. He felt as if so much was at stake, and he didn’t want to do anything that would spook her or make her have second thoughts.

“I . . . I’m too outspoken.” The words poured out of him. Once started, he couldn’t stop. “I’ve never given money to a homeless person in my life. I live in an apartment because I have no desire to do yard work whatsoever. I don’t know the names of my neighbors because I’ve never tried to get to know them. One time, when a couple of Boy Scouts knocked on my door, I pretended I wasn’t home so I didn’t have to buy any popcorn from them. And I only gave Francesca a free membership to the gym so I could get free food. I’m selfish and an asshole.”

Cole felt sick. He didn’t want Sarah to know any of this shit, but he also didn’t want her to find out later how fucked up he was and leave him. “I probably don’t tip enough, and I always speed. I tend to see the worst in people, especially after what happened to Felicity. Most kids scare me to death, and I’m ashamed of the number of nights I’ve had ice cream for dinner.”

He opened his mouth to continue, but Sarah put her hand over his lips, effectively shutting him up.

“You aren’t going to convince me that you aren’t a good person, Cole. So you might as well stop.”

He mumbled under her hand, and she smiled before taking it away. “What?”

“I just don’t want to fall in love with you, then have you realize you’ve gotten the short end of the stick and leave me for someone better. Nicer.”

Cole held his breath after his admission. He’d laid himself bare for Sarah, and he hoped like hell she wouldn’t destroy him.

And that was the thing . . . usually, he didn’t give a shit what people thought of him. He didn’t care if they thought he was too tattooed, too mean, too whatever. But Sarah’s opinion had the power to break him.

“I steal those little shampoos and conditioners from hotels,” she replied. “Once I flew first class and stuck the little salt shaker that came on the lunch tray in my bag. I ran over a squirrel one day on my way to work and didn’t stop. I forgot one of my coworkers was retiring and didn’t bring a present for her, so I pretended to get sick halfway through my shift so I could leave early and wouldn’t have to go to her party. There are lots of things at work that people think are gross that I’ll do without blinking, but whenever a patient asks me to cut their toenails, I always have to beg one of my fellow CNAs to do it because it makes me want to puke.”

Cole blinked down at Sarah. She was smiling up at him as she listed what she obviously thought were bad things she’d done.

“We aren’t perfect, Cole. I don’t expect you to be a Stepford boyfriend. I like you the way you are. A little rough around the edges. It makes me feel safe. Like I don’t have to worry about someone taking advantage of my propensity to be nice, because you’ll be there watching over my shoulder. I just need you to be you. I’m going to make mistakes, just as you are.”

“My mistakes will be more than forgetting someone’s retirement party,” he said dryly.

“As long as you never hit me, never call me horrible names, never lock me in a closet, and never cheat on me . . . I’ll forgive you.”

“Fuck. I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s the thing. I think we deserve each other.”

Cole gathered her up in his arms and squeezed his eyes shut. He buried his face into her hair and vowed, “I’ll never raise my hand to you. I’ll never call you anything other than angel and other loving names. I’ll never lock you in a closet, unless I push you in there at a crowded party to have my way with you.” He pulled back and stared deep into her eyes. “And I’ll never, ever cheat on you.”