Cilka's Journey(94)

She speaks quietly. “We’ve changed his file to say he has died and created another file using the name of a recently deceased patient, amending the record to say that patient has been healed. So as far as the hospital records are concerned, Alexandr died from his injuries as a result of a beating. We will keep the screen around his bed for a while and work out the next step. We’ve told the patient in the next bed that he is contagious and not to come near him.”

“Thank you,” Cilka says, mind racing. That buys some time, but what’s next?

“It is the best we can do for now, Cilka.”

When Yelena leaves, Cilka places her head on the pillow beside Alexandr’s.



* * *



The next morning, Cilka wakes to see Alexandr looking at her. For several moments their eyes are locked, wordlessly conveying their feelings for each other. They are interrupted by Raisa.

“I see you are both awake. Now, which one should I look at first?”

Cilka smiles. “Him, of course.”

Raisa tries to explain to Alexandr his injures and how he is to be treated. Cilka can’t help herself and constantly interrupts with her positive spin on his recovery. Alexandr says nothing, nodding, looking grateful but worried, echoing Cilka’s true thoughts.



* * *



Days pass as Alexandr slowly recovers behind the screen. His bruises fade, but movement still causes him pain. When Cilka runs into Kirill going in and out of the reception area she tries to act friendly and natural, politely declining his advances without making him angry, not wanting to draw any unnecessary attention to the screened area on the ward. She suspects it was him who either assaulted Alexandr or alerted the original attacker to the fact that he was still alive, but she has no way to prove it.

Alexandr happily accepts the pain of getting out of bed to walk with his arms around Cilka as she helps him. They are told Cilka is not the best nurse to be assisting him, their difference in height more of a hindrance to his recovery than a help. This is not the only advice they ignore. Each night Cilka is found sitting slumped in a chair, her head on his pillow, sound asleep. She has barely left his side since the beating.

The number of patients admitted to the hospital has begun to slow, and word reaches the staff that numbers in the Gulag are reducing significantly. Prisoners are being released early on the orders of General Secretary Khrushchev, who has succeeded Stalin. He is reaching out to the West. The stain the Gulag system has placed over his empire is becoming known, and appeasement is required to continue talks with non-communist countries.

Alexandr is able to walk on his own now, and the screen has become conspicuous, drawing questions from patients and staff about how bad the “infection” is behind it. They need to work out the next step.

“Cilka, can I see you a moment?” Yelena calls one morning.

“I’ll be right back,” Cilka tells Alexandr.

Yelena steers Cilka into the dispensary.

“Nothing good ever happened in this room. What is it?” a concerned Cilka asks.

“Do you trust me?” Yelena asks.

“More than anyone I’ve ever known, besides my family.”

“Then I need you to trust me now. Alexandr will be discharged in two days’ time…”

“No, you can’t. You promised,” Cilka cries.

“Listen to me. Not out into the prison population where someone would notice he’s not the dead man whose name and number we’ve assigned him. He will be discharged to a hut nearby, where he will be safe. I want you to trust that I’m doing all I can to help.”

Cilka is speechless. This is a good thing. He will be safe. But again, someone is being taken away from her.

She tries to smile. “You are so good, Yelena Georgiyevna. I am grateful. He will be grateful.”

Yelena looks troubled, in a way Cilka has never seen before. She is always stoic, practical and positive.

“Cilka, there’s something else.”

Cilka’s heart sinks.

“I’ve put in a request to move to Sochi, where they have built a new hospital.”

She reaches her arm out for Cilka, but Cilka flinches. She doesn’t know what to say. Yelena deserves to be somewhere better, after the years she has voluntarily put into this awful place. But what will Cilka do without her?

“Cilka?”

Cilka can’t look at her. She is holding everything back. She has never had any choices. Everything has simply happened to her. No matter how much she wants it, she can never hold on to people. She is alone. Completely alone in the world.

“Cilka, you have to believe I am doing everything I can for you too.”

Cilka pushes her feelings down inside her, looks up at Yelena.

“Thank you, Yelena Georgiyevna, for everything.”

Yelena holds her eyes.

It feels like goodbye.



* * *



The women of Hut 29 are all she has left. Cilka keeps thinking about Lale in Birkenau, how he had told her she was brave. How other people have told her she is brave. How Alexandr has opened something up in her, making her want to live, not just stay alive.

And she knows there is one more brave thing she has to do.

She talks to the trusties who act as guards for the nurses’ quarters, gives them her stash of extra food, and they agree to escort her that night—a Sunday—to the hut. She needs to talk to the women.