Cilka's Journey(42)

She turns to Cilka. “Can you sit up? Here, let me help you.”

Elena does as she’s told.

Cilka lets Antonina help her sit up to rest against the wall. Josie hands her a large chunk of bread, everyone grateful that Antonina has never objected to food being in the hut, having also been the beneficiary of the patients’ uneaten meals. Antonina often trades this food for goods for Klavdiya. There is a network and the rules are murky. This is the prerogative of the guards and, beneath them, the brigadiers—to bend the rules or enforce them, at will. Depending on what they are getting out of it.

Cilka nibbles on the bread and soon a cup of strong tea is in her hand.

“Do you think you can make it to the mess?” Antonina asks.

“No, it’s all right. I just want to sleep in a bed.”

“I’ll have Josie bring you back something. The rest of you, off to dinner.”

“Can I stay with her?” Josie asks.

“You need to go to the mess, eat, and bring back something hot for Cilka.”

The women head toward the door, pulling on layers of clothing. Hannah is the last of them. She stands by the door, looks back at Cilka.

“I know what you did,” she says.

“You don’t know anything,” Cilka says flatly.

“No, I mean for Josie.” She sighs. “But don’t think this gets you off the hook with me.”

Cilka says nothing.

“I could have told them everything, while you were in there.”

Cilka rolls away, tries to block out the voice.

“You would have come back and been shunned. You only help people so you can feel better about having rolled over for evil.” She pauses. “You’re lucky, I have found another supply point for … what I need. For now. But you will keep doing whatever it is I ask you to. Because I will tell them.”

She closes the door.



* * *



The next morning Cilka struggles to get out of bed, her legs collapsing underneath her at first. Josie returns from the mess with breakfast for her. Antonina tells her not to report for roll call, she will mark her as present.

As the women prepare to go to work Cilka limps out to join them, not knowing where she should go.

“Josie, take her to the hospital with you. I think she needs to see a doctor,” Antonina says.

Cilka looks at Josie. She doesn’t want to tell Antonina, but it has occurred to her that the doctor who fired her, Gleb Vitalyevich, might have some connection to the guard Klavdiya Arsenyevna. That he may have told her Cilka would be in her hut, and to make things worse for her.

It would be risky to go to the hospital, when last time, Josie had not been able to get Yelena alone and let her know Cilka was wait ing outside. But Cilka can’t stay in the hut for fear of being accused of “shirking” again, nor is she able to go to the mines and work—she is not strong enough. She will have to face the hospital and hope that she and Josie can get Yelena’s attention, and not Gleb’s.



* * *



This time, Josie leaves Cilka in the waiting area, leaning against a wall, and goes through to the ward. Cilka has her hat pulled low. Soon several staff members rush out to her and assist her into a chair.

“Get Yelena,” Raisa says to no one in particular.

“I’m right here,” Yelena says, pushing her way to Cilka.

“Hello,” says Cilka, forcing a smile.

“Come with me,” Yelena says, helping her to her feet. “Gleb Vitalyevich is not in yet.” They enter the ward and go through to the nearby dispensary. Sitting her on the only chair in there, Yelena carries out a cursory examination of Cilka’s face and hands, tenderly stroking her dirty face.

“We’ll get you cleaned up and I’ll take a better look at you. How do you feel?”

“Stiff, sore, worn out. I ache in bones and muscles I never knew I had, but I’m all right. I survived.”

She feels guilty sitting in this room though, remembering the drugs she’s taken.

“I’m so sorry this happened, Cilka.” Cilka can see the regret in Yelena’s eyes. “We are all in danger from him, but I wish—”

“It doesn’t matter,” says Cilka.

“What are we going to do with you?” Yelena asks, sighing.

“Can’t you get me my job back? You know what I did was the right thing.”

“It doesn’t matter what I know, I can’t take you back here.” Yelena looks pained.

“Well, where else can I work? I want to help people. And I know I’m not currently strong enough for the mines.”

Yelena looks away, thinking. Cilka waits.

“I have a colleague who works in the maternity ward behind us. I don’t know if they need anyone, Cilka, and I don’t want to get your hopes up…”

A maternity ward, in this place? Of course, there would have to be, Cilka thinks. But what happens to the children afterward? Perhaps it is better to not think of that, for now.

“I’ll go anywhere I can help.”

“I will ask him,” Yelena says. “Have you had any experience delivering babies?”

Cilka flashes back to the night she held Natalya’s premature, stillborn son. How useless she felt.

“Well, I have helped deliver one baby here.”