Charming as Puck(95)

I fucking love that woman.

“We need to talk later,” Ambrosia tells her.

Our guests fill both the dining room and the living room in the old mansion. I go through the food line first, fill a plate to overflowing, and balance both the plate and Kami as I drag her out of the kitchen and make her sit and eat. “You’re working too hard,” I tell her.

She smiles and shakes her head at me. “I’m not working any harder than you, and I’m having fun.”

“Eat.”

She gives me a secret smile and obediently takes her fork.

Everyone moans over how delicious the food is, and not just because I emailed them all beforehand and warned them they’d find dead fish heads in their underwear drawers if they didn’t, but because Kami can fucking cook.

She says anyone could do it after the number of hours we’ve put into watching cooking shows this last month, but I think she has hidden talents she’s been denying.

And I definitely haven’t mastered cooking yet.

We both keep poker faces through the meal despite the glances everyone keeps sending at Kami’s bare left hand. I know what they’re all thinking.

We got serious really fast.

Kami swore to her family just over a year ago that she was going to marry me this Christmas.

They want to know if I’m making an honest woman of her.

So, after pie, I ask everyone to help us feed Sugarbear her special Christmas oats, then I pull all the dining room chairs into the living room.

“For Christmas carols,” I add. “I got Kami this sweet karaoke machine for Christmas.”

“Oh, fuck yeah,” Ambrosia says. “Chase, go get the boy band CDs out of the car.”

But Zeus and Ares are already racing out the front door.

Kami’s brother and dad try to sneak off, but I call them both out and tell them they have to sing “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” to start us off.

Felicity almost falls out of her chair, because asking for that song to be sung is like asking to be haunted special by our Gammy for the rest of eternity.

Even Dad shifts uncomfortably, because I’m pretty sure he believes in his mother’s ghost too.

But the twins come back, Kami’s dad and brother start to make their way to the front of the room, and that’s when Kami makes her move.

“No,” she says to them.

Her brother sighs in obvious relief, but her dad looks puzzled. “No?”

“I hate that song. And I’m the bride, so no.”

“That’s our cue, bro,” Zeus says to Ares as gasps go through the living room.

Ares pulls two rings out of his pocket. Zeus pulls a folded paper with a script on it out of his.

And while they step around everyone seated in the living room, I slide our marriage license out from between Kami’s copies of Pride and Prejudice and The Princess Bride on the built-in bookshelves around the fireplace.

“Ohmygod,” her mom whispers.

Mine bursts into tears.

“Are those the happy tears?” I ask her.

She nods as she sobs into a hanky that Mr. Berger produces for her.

“I set them up,” Aunt Hilda tells Jaeger. She slides a hand onto his thigh, and Muffy smacks her hand.

“Mother,” she hisses.

Kami sucks her cheeks in and smiles as she twines her fingers into mine. Her face is wavering on the pale side, and her eyes are tired, but there’s no mistaking that smile, and I’m the luckiest dipshit to ever walk the earth to get the opportunity to put that smile there every day.

“We’ll get to karaoke,” she says to her brother, “but first, we’re gonna get hitched.”

Dixie and Tiger chase Jennifur Purrphy into the room, with Pancake on their heels.

I snag the cat.

Kami gets Tiger.

Her mom leaps on Pancake, and Dixie, realizing she’s lost all of her playmates, slides to a stop at my feet and goes belly-up, tongue and tail panting and wagging.

“But…don’t you need a minister? Or a justice of the peace?” Muffy asks.

“Got it covered,” Zeus says with a smirk. “We’re both internet official.”

“They married each other last summer,” I tell her.

Jaeger and Lavoie snort into their after-dinner beers.

My sister and Joey both roll their eyes, even though they were there. Zeus married Ares and Felicity, and Ares married Zeus and Joey.

All four of them are married.

Zeus clears his throat as he turns to face our guests. “Yo, motherfuckers, we’re here to make an honest man out of this clown,” he announces.

Kami snort-giggles, but she also elbows him because he said clown.

Mrs. Berger—the matriarchal Mrs. Berger, not my sister or Joey—sighs.

Ares gives Zeus a head slap.

Zeus just grins, and then he starts the short ceremony for real.

Just as we finish our vows, Kami goes from pale to green. “Uh-oh,” she whispers.

“Oh, fuck,” I whisper back.

Dixie leaps to her feet and whimpers. Pancake charges from where Dr. Oakley has loosened her grip. Tiger howls.

Ares shoves the rings at us. “Do it,” he says, because man, this guy has been there.

Kami whimpers.

“Later,” I tell Ares, pocketing the rings. “Treats,” I tell the dogs, who all dash for the kitchen. Jennifur dashes after them, and Ares, thank fuck, just knows to go get the dogs treats so they’re not being teased.