Cataclysm (Four Horsemen #4)(37)

He shook his head, letting go of my hand to cup my face in both of us. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“Take all the time you need, little wisp. I’ll just be over there keeping watch.”

I tipped my head up to catch his mouth before he could let go. My hand slid around his neck, keeping him there. I kissed him until my heart was beating so hard in my chest, I thought I might pass out.

“Thank you for bringing me,” I whispered when I pulled away and let him go.

“You’re welcome.”

His cheeks were flushed, but he gave me a soft smile and backed away. I watched him walk a little way off to give me some space. Whilst I wanted to do this alone, I didn’t want him to be so far away I couldn’t see him. A part of me didn’t feel safe without one of them near me after being stolen from them twice in my life already. That was the best part about having four boyfriends. One of them could always be near me, no matter what. It gave me a sense of peace to know the four parts that made up my heart were close by.

I squatted down and placed my hand on the grassy area by the wooden plaque.

“Hi, Mum… it feels kind of weird talking to you because you’re not really here, but I’m going to do it, anyway.”

I sat down on the grass as I didn’t want my legs to give out. Leaning my head on my knees, I stared out over the woodland burial area.

“I miss you, Mum. It’s like there’s a hole in my heart where you should be. I hate that you died before we ever had a chance to be reunited. It feels so unfair your life got cut short because of all the shit that went down.”

I sighed and let out a breath.

“At least I remember you now, hey? Would have sucked if I’d gone the rest of my life without knowing who you are… not that my life hasn’t sucked already. I mean, I’m okay now, I guess… no, I am okay. I have the boys.” Reaching out, I stroked the grass again. “They found me and brought me home.”

I smiled to myself.

“You know, you always told me one day I was going to have to choose between the four of them. Maybe if I’d never been kidnapped, West and I could call ourselves childhood sweethearts. You knew it was him, didn’t you? I made it kind of obvious. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the others too, but he… he was the one.”

My gaze went to my fingers, wondering if West and I would have grown up, got married and had two point five kids like you’re supposed to. Then I remembered we’d never ascribed to society’s values or rules.

“It seems kind of fucked up to say I’m not entirely sorry I was stolen from them, but I don’t think things would have happened this way otherwise. I mean, I don’t think I would have ever been okay with being with all of them. Fuck, it feels so weird to admit that out loud. Who’d have thought I’d have four boyfriends.”

I let out a little chuckle. Most people would probably think this was crazy. A rather unorthodox relationship. And it was… but it didn’t matter. I loved them. They wanted to be with me. What difference did it make to the rest of the world? We were happy. It was all that mattered.

“We’ve always said we were born to be with each other. I just didn’t think it meant like this. But I wouldn’t have it any other way, Mum. They’re my family. They understand me and my needs. That’s what’s important. Being with the people who give you everything you’ve ever needed. And if it’s from all four of them, then it’s not wrong. A love like ours is never wrong. It just came in a different package.”

It struck me then how true that statement was. People would have you believe anything that deviates from so-called traditional values is abnormal and should be stamped out. But life wasn’t about absolutes and strict adherence to a moral code. It was so many shades of grey and everything in between. Real happiness only comes from being your true self. Mine happened to be a woman who’d fought through hell and was now able to stand by the sides of the men known as the Four Horsemen. The ones who’d see her through to the end.

“I’d like to think you would be okay with this, Mum. That you were happy I’d found them again. You can rest easy knowing we’ll spend the rest of our lives bringing each other joy, contentment and… love. It’s all anyone can ask for. A family that sticks together no matter what. That’s what the boys and me are.”

I raised my hand to my mouth, pressing my lips to my fingertips before placing them back on the ground.

“Thank you for never giving up, even when your life was stolen from you. Goodbye, Mum.”

I stayed there for a long moment before I looked back at Drake. He was leaning against a tree, fiddling with his phone, but I could tell he was still alert and checking our surroundings. He shoved off the tree when he noticed I was looking at him and walked over to me, his brow furrowed.

“You okay, little wisp?”

I nodded and put my hand up to him. He helped me to my feet and stroked my hair as if to reassure himself I was good. I tucked myself into his side, wrapping an arm around his waist and pressing my face into his coat. There was no need for tears or angry words about the injustice of her death. I’d already avenged it by killing Mason. Now, I merely felt a sense of relief that I’d been able to talk to her. To tell her how I felt about the boys. And to know, despite everything, I was okay.

The wind blew, ruffling my hair, but I stayed close to Drake, appreciating his warmth despite his icy exterior.