Caraval (Caraval, #1)(92)
“So you’ve actually met him?” Scarlett asked.
Julian opened his mouth, as if there was something he wanted to tell her but the words wouldn’t come out. He looked at Scarlett meaningfully. “Remember what you asked me about Legend?”
“Whether you were related to him?”
Julian nodded, but didn’t elaborate. The glowing leaves of the willow tree rustled as he quietly went on, “Legend sent me a letter, asking me to play one last game. He claimed he was trying to redeem himself. And I wanted to believe him.”
Julian took a deep breath before continuing.
“I was only supposed to bring you and Tella to the isle, but every time I tried to walk away from you, I couldn’t do it. You were different than I expected. Most people only worry about their own pleasure during Caraval. But you cared so much about your sister; it reminded me of the way I had always felt about my own brother.”
Julian’s caramel eyes met Scarlett’s as he finished. And suddenly a thought struck her.
“Legend is your brother?” she asked.
A wry smile curved Julian’s lips. “I was hoping you’d figure it out.”
“But…” Scarlett stumbled over what to say next as she tried to make sense of it.
It explained why Julian would have had such a hard time walking away from the game. Scarlett knew how difficult it was to turn away from a sibling, even when they did hurtful things. And the other players had treated Julian differently.
Ever since learning Caspar had only pretended to be Legend, and that Julian was alive, Scarlett had wondered once more if Julian was actually the master of Caraval. But maybe Scarlett only thought this because the two were closely related.
“But how is it possible? You’re so young.”
“I don’t age as long as I’m one of Legend’s performers,” Julian explained. “But I was feeling ready to grow up when I decided to leave.”
“So then why did you stay and play this time?”
Julian looked at Scarlett almost nervously, as if she were the one who now had the power to break his heart. “I stayed because I started to care about you. Legend doesn’t always play fair, and I wanted to try to help you. But I knew if we grew close, and you found out the truth, it would hurt you. So at first I tried to give you excuses to hate me. But then it became harder to push you away; it pained me every time I lied to you. This game brings out the most selfish parts of many people, but it had the opposite effect on you. Watching you restored my belief that Caraval could be what I believe it used to be—and that my brother could be good once again.”
Julian’s voice was thick with emotion. “I know I’ve hurt you, but please just give me another chance.” He looked as if he wanted to reach out and touch her. And a part of Scarlett wanted him to, but it was too much to take in all at once. If Julian had been Legend, it would have been easier to hate him for putting her through so much. But knowing Legend was actually Julian’s brother left her all kinds of torn.
Before he could reach for her, she pulled away.
Julian’s mouth pinched at the corners. He was hurt, but he covered it up, bringing his hand to his face to rub the underside of his jaw. Unlike most of the game, he was clean-shaven, younger-looking, except for—
Scarlett froze.
When she’d first seen him, she hadn’t noticed the mark her father had made was still there, a thin, jagged scar that ran from his jaw to the corner of his eye. She’d thought that since he could come back to life, the wound would have somehow vanished as well, and it would be as if that awful night had never happened.
Julian caught her staring and answered her unasked question. “I might not be able to die during the game, but all the injuries I receive throughout Caraval leave scars.”
“I didn’t know,” Scarlett murmured.
She’d been nervous about seeing Julian, because she’d feared the game wasn’t as real for him as it had been for her. But perhaps Tella had been right when she’d said, There’s always a bit of real mixed in with everything.
“I’m so sorry my father did that to you.”
“I knew the risks I was taking,” answered Julian. “Don’t be sorry, not unless it’s the reason you’re trying so hard to walk away from me.”
Scarlett’s eyes sought his scar again. Julian had always been handsome to her, but this very real scar down his cheek made him devastating. It reminded her of his bravery and his selflessness, and how he’d made her feel more than anyone else she’d ever met. Maybe he wasn’t exactly the same boy she had thought he was during the game, but he no longer seemed like a stranger. And he’d done it all to help his brother. How could she, of all people, hold something like that against him?
“If anything, I think this scar is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Julian’s eyes widened. “Does that mean you’ll forgive me?”
Scarlett hesitated. This was her chance to walk away. Tella had said that after tonight if she wanted, they could forget all about Caraval. Scarlett and Tella could start new lives for themselves on another island, or even one of the continents. Scarlett used to fear she couldn’t take care of herself, but now that challenge excited her. She and Tella could do anything they wanted.
But as Scarlett looked at Julian, she couldn’t deny she still wanted him as well. She remembered all of the reasons she’d first fallen for him. It wasn’t only his handsome face, or the way his smile made her stomach flutter. It was the way he’d pushed her not to give up, and the sacrifices he’d made. Maybe she didn’t know him as well as she’d have liked, but she was fairly certain she was still in love with him. She knew she could walk away, but she’d spent enough of her life fearing the risks that accompanied the things she wanted most.