Caraval (Caraval, #1)(64)

She’d already made her choice, and she’d made it before she’d run out of the haberdashery with Julian. She didn’t know the exact instant when it happened, but an arranged marriage to a man she knew only through letters was no longer something Scarlett wanted. Finally she understood what Tella meant when she’d said there was more to life than being safe.

She watched Julian take another heavy pull with the oars while more lightning spiderwebbed across the sky. Before meeting him, she’d believed she could be content as long as she married someone who could take care of her, but Julian had brought out a desire for something more.

She remembered thinking falling for him would be like falling in love with darkness, but now she imagined he was more like a starry night: the constellations were always there, constant, magnificent guides against the ever-present black.

“Crimson, did you hear what I said?”

Scarlett dropped her gaze from the sky to the soaking-wet boy in front of her. “What?”

“We need to get out of the boat!” Julian shouted through the rain as they bumped against a darkened dock.

“Where are we?”

“Castillo Maldito.”

“No—” Threads of violet panic returned. Nigel already told her Tella wasn’t in the Castillo. “We need to keep searching for my sister. I was wrong about the buttons, but there has to be—”

“We can’t stay on the water,” Julian cut in. “The lightning will kill us.” As he spoke more bolts of silver-white slashed the sky.

“But if my father finds her first—”

“Do you even know where to look right now?”

When Scarlett didn’t answer, Julian grabbed her hand and hauled her onto the dimly lit, shaking dock. The only light came from the Castillo’s massive hourglasses and the churning red beads inside them. Aiko must have been telling the truth about the rain washing all the magic away, for the Castillo no longer glowed. It had turned from golden to tarnished. In the courtyard, abandoned tents flapped in the wind, their tuneless beat replacing the vibrant music of the birds from nights before.

“We need to find somewhere to dry off,” Julian said.

“I’d rather keep the boat in sight.” Scarlett huddled under a nearby arch, where she could see the docks and anyone else who might arrive. “Once the rain stops we need to start searching again.”

Julian didn’t answer right away. “I think the game, or at least your part in it, should be over. I should never have brought you here. I can take you to a safe place, off the isle—”

“No!” Scarlett cut him off. “I’m not leaving here without my sister. After what I’ve just done, my father will be even more furious when he finds Tella, and he will take it out on her.”

“And what about you? You’ll just keep sacrificing yourself? Marry Nicolas d’Arcy?”

Scarlett wished she could just ignore his question. If she stayed in the game and her father caught her, he wouldn’t kill her, he’d make her marry the count, in a way that almost felt like death. But if she didn’t marry him, how else could she protect her sister? “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Julian made a sound like a growl. “So you’re still planning on going through with your engagement?”

“I don’t know if I am or not! But what other choices do I have?”

Sheets of silver rain fell harder.

Scarlett waited for Julian to say something. To reassure her in some sort of way. To tell her he could be her other option. But even as she thought it, she realized how ridiculous it was. Did she really think he was going to say he wanted to sweep her away into another life, or marry her?

When more lightning tore through the night, Scarlett had her answer. Julian stayed close by her side, but his expression was closed off. She recalled the way he’d dusted lint off his shoulder that first night. He might not have wanted her to be the count’s bride, but that didn’t mean he planned on being with her instead.

“I’m so stupid.” Her voice danced a line between breaking and shouting. “None of this means anything to you. You saw my fiancé, got jealous, acted rashly, and now you regret it.”

“Is that what you think?” Julian’s words came out deep and rough. “You believe I’d risk crossing your father, put you in danger like that, because I’m jealous?” He laughed, as if the jealousy were a ridiculous assumption.

“You’re such a liar,” Scarlett snapped.

Julian flattened his lips into a harsh line. “I’ve already told you that.”

“No,” Scarlett said, “you lie to yourself. You pull me to you whenever it seems you’re afraid of losing me, but whenever I get too close, you push me away.”

“I’ve only pushed you away once.” Julian’s voice hardened as he took a step closer. “I was definitely jealous, but that’s not the only reason I wanted you out of there.”

“Then tell me what your other reasons were,” Scarlett said.

He edged forward, until there was almost no space between them. She could feel the wet of his clothes, clinging to hers. Slowly, he wrapped an arm around her waist, as if giving her the chance to pull away. But she’d already made her decision. Her heart beat faster as his other arm encased her, tightening around her upper back, pulling her closer to the hard planes of his chest until their lips were feeling the same cold air.