Can't Look Away(106)

She picked up Jake’s hoodie and held it to her face, inhaling the scent of him that lingered on the fabric. Something essential, a spring that fed them, had dried up. It felt final, the decision that she would leave him, and Molly was sadder than she’d been all her life. And how was she supposed to keep living in this apartment without him, knowing they were over? It was torture.

Molly reached for her phone, desperate, suddenly, to talk to Nina. She didn’t really expect her to pick up—it was Saturday, and she was still in Vermont with Cash and his family—but she answered on the first ring.

Molly told her everything, and afterward, her friend was silent for so long, she thought the call had dropped.

“Holy shit,” Nina said, when she finally spoke. “Well, I can’t say I’m entirely surprised. I knew something was up.”

“Really? Are you mad?”

“Do you remember our conversation in the bathroom the night of the housewarming party? You’d just realized your period was over a week late, and you were freaking out.”

“Right … I only half remember that.”

“And I kept telling you to wait until the next day to take a test—you were hammered—but obviously, you didn’t listen…”

“Ugh. I should have. I mean, what kind of psychopath finds out she’s pregnant in the middle of being blackout drunk?”

“Uh, my best friend?” Nina laughed. “And no, I’m not mad. I mean, of course I wish I knew about all this earlier—and I can’t believe I thought you were in Europe this whole time—but I get it. You’ve been processing.”

“Yeah. It’s been … the weirdest two weeks of my life? I just … I completely shut down, Nina. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone.” Molly took a sip of her coffee, then instantly wondered if she should be drinking caffeine at all.

“So how exactly did you find out?” Nina asked. “You stopped at Duane Reade on your way home at, like, three in the morning? And bought a bunch of tests?”

“The details are fuzzy, but that sounds about right.” Molly smiled despite herself. It felt so good to finally share everything with Nina. “Jesus, Neens. Can you imagine the cashier?”

“Oh, this is New York. People have seen it all.”

“Truth. So anyway, I got home, peed on a few sticks, and they were all positive. Then I called Hunter—”

“So you did call Hunter. You kept saying you were going to earlier in the night.”

“Oh yeah. Woke him and Blair up, of course. He said I was just mumbling a bunch of gibberish, but he was obviously worried.”

“Obviously worried because he loves you.”

Warmth spread in Molly’s chest. “He doesn’t love me.”

“Sure. Keep telling yourself that.”

“He has a girlfriend. They’re moving in together.”

“I’m not debating this with you right now. But I know I’m right.” Nina pauses, and Molly hears the muffled sound of voices in the background. “I should go, Moll. I snuck off for a sec, but we’re all at the lodge doing après.”

“Fancy. Have a blast. And, Neens?”

“Yeah?”

“You can’t tell Cash, okay? Promise me? If this ever got back to Jake—”

“I won’t, I swear.” Nina paused. “Wait, one last thing. Have you been to the doctor?”

“Not yet.”

“You have to, Moll. Especially since you’re leaning toward keeping the baby.”

“I know. But the gyno I usually see is in New Jersey, and I figure I should find someone in the city.”

“My sister loved the OB she saw through both her pregnancies,” Nina said. “She’s at Lenox Hill, I think. Want me to ask Sofi for her info?”

“That would be amazing.”

“Your mom might have some recs, too. Being a labor and delivery nurse and all.”

“Yeah. I haven’t told her.”

“Oh, Moll. You have to.” Nina sighed. “Sorry, it’s not my place—you tell her when you’re ready. I just know she’d be supportive, that’s all. And it would probably feel really good to talk to her about it.”

Nina was right, Molly knew. After they hung up, she typed out a text.

Hey Mom. You and Andy get back from Naples today, right? I was thinking of taking the train out tomorrow morning and staying the night? I miss you guys! Let me know.



Her mother replied several hours later.

Hi Moo! We miss you SO much. Grams says she’s proud of you for working so hard and can’t wait to read your book soon. Yes, A and I just landed in Newark. Would love you to come out tomorrow! Let me know what train you get and I’ll pick you up at the station



Molly put her phone down, crippled with guilt. Her book. She hadn’t touched the manuscript since before Christmas.

But she couldn’t think about Needs, not right now. At least not until she’d gotten a bit more emotional distance from Jake. Besides, Bella and Alexis still thought she was on vacation in Europe for another whole week. This bought her a little time.

Molly woke early on Sunday morning, nausea shriveling her insides. She never felt sick enough to puke, which almost made it worse. All she could do was ride out the queasiness, nibbling saltines until the gut-churning waves finally subsided, leaving her in a hungover-like oblivion for the rest of the day.