Call Down the Hawk (Dreamer, #1)(119)

Mr. Gray had spent much time since his freedom from Greenmantle trying to make it up to the Lynch brothers, although killing someone’s parent just wasn’t the kind of thing a relationship ever bounced back from. Regardless, it meant that he would always provide information if he could.

But the Lynches would never talk to him.

“He said all that’s on the street is that a group is killing dreamers, and they have government backing. There’s a lot of them.”

“Why?” Matthew asked.

“They don’t know why.”

“How many is ‘a lot’?” Declan asked.

“Enough that there was another attack going on in South Africa while they were attacking the town house tonight, apparently,” Ronan said.

The world was broken, Declan thought. It was broken and could not be fixed.

He thought, And I never actually lived, either.

“How do they know, then, about the dreamers?” Jordan asked. “We didn’t even know you existed until you showed up on our door, did we?”

Because dreamers were meant to be secret, Declan thought. Because they all knew secrecy was the only way to survive. Fuck, he thought helplessly. What now?

“And I didn’t know about you until Bryde,” Ronan said. “Oh. Do you remember what he said, Hennessy? When he left.”

Hennessy turned her head so that her voice was audible. “‘The world’s going to shit.’ He knew. It surprised him, but he knew.”

“Declan,” Ronan said, “don’t tell me not to.”

“What am I telling you not to?”

“Don’t tell me not to chase Bryde,” Ronan said. “Don’t tell me to keep my head down.”

Everything in Declan wanted to, though. The world could always be broken more. As long as his brothers were alive, there was always worse that could happen.

“Tell me some other way,” Ronan went on. “Tell me something that’s not asking Bryde for help and I’ll do it.”

Declan hated this. The old familiar twist of his stomach. The rank sourness of danger. It wasn’t fear for himself, he realized. Because it had been dangerous to go see the new Fenian, but that hadn’t felt like this. That had been illicit and thrilling, and not just because he had Jordan with him. Because his father’s criminal blood pumped through him. No, Declan hated the idea of his brothers being in danger. “What good would he do? You don’t know anything about him.”

“We know he’s powerful,” Hennessy said. “We know they were talking about him at the Fairy Market.”

“He knows about more dreamers than just us,” Ronan added. “And he knows more about how it works than I do. We know the monster in Hennessy’s head is afraid of him.”

“But it will take both of you to convince him,” Jordan said. “Isn’t that what you said when we got here? You and Hennessy both. And she only has one more dream left.”

Hennessy sat up. “I can do it.”

Jordan said, “There’s no fallback.”

“I can do it,” Hennessy said. “Or go out trying. It’s this or the next time the black ooze—the nightwash—comes anyway.”

Ronan said, “We can do it. I know it.”

It was unlike Ronan to lie.

He cut his eyes away from Declan. “What about you guys?”

Matthew broke in, “I don’t want to pretend.”

Declan regarded his youngest brother. He looked different than he had just a few days before, because for the first time in several months, he’d lost sleep. He had dark circles beneath his pleasant eyes, and lines around his ordinarily smiling mouth.

He went on, “I went to soccer and all I could think about was how you said I might not have internal organs.”

“M—” started Declan.

“It’s just not real,” Matthew said. “It’s not real to pretend like any of the other guys are going to walk off campus and not remember why they did. It’s not real to pretend they’re all walking to Great Falls. It’s not real, it’s just not real. I want to be real. I want to know why it’s happening. I want to know if I can stop it. There’s no point otherwise, D, there’s just no point.”

“Okay,” said Declan softly.

Everyone at the table looked at him.

Declan was powerless to deny Matthew a thing he wanted anyway, but it was more than that. It was that he’d given up everything and gotten nothing for it in return. It was that he wasn’t a dreamer, and he wasn’t a dream, and he couldn’t be human; there was nothing left. Just a turquoise ocean with no sign that he’d ever been. Something had to change.

“We’ll go to the Barns,” he said. “It’s hidden, right? We’ll look for answers from there. We won’t pretend anymore.”

“And Ronan and I will contact Bryde,” Hennessy said. “Jordan, I want you to go with Declan and Matthew.”

Jordan sat by herself in the corner of the booth, one leg up on the booth beside her now that Hennessy had sat up. She somehow seemed more real than any of them. A dream, but more real than Declan. This was all so tangled.

“If she comes,” Declan said, “I’ll make sure she’s taken care of if something happens to Hennessy.”