Cake Love: All Things Payne(85)

"Oh my god that's him? Jesus he's f*cking studly. Wowza he can do some dusting of my cobwebs anytime."

That snaps me out of it. I turn to look at Aria and notice Evaleen is staring at her too.

"Aria, just eww!" I shake my head at her.

"What? That's a saying."

"No it is not and I pray to God it never is uttered again." Evaleen joins me in the shaking of heads.

"Whatever. He is smoking though. But is that his girlfriend?"

I glance at Evaleen who shrugs, "I have no idea if he has a girlfriend. That man's private life is more secure than a key locked in a safe. No one knows if he has dated anyone in ten years."

Those words don't help me feel any better. We agreed to a truce and now I know why.

"Ms. Drake."

I look up to see Mr. Payne standing beside the table with the brown haired skank beside him. He nods at me but then notices Evaleen and starts to squint his eyes.

"Bechmann."

"Payne." She replies back to him.

He glances at Aria and I feel her hand give me a nudge shaking me out of my haze.

"Oh, uh hi, Mr. Payne. This is my friend Aria. Aria, this is my boss, Mr. Payne."

He reaches out his hand to shake and I hear Aria giggle. Yes, giggle. He has reduced her to a twelve year old in just seconds. After a couple of tries he manages to tug out of Aria's grasp and wraps his arm around his brunette bimbo.

"Ladies this is Tiffany. She is ..."

Before he can finish, Tiffany pipes up and thrusts her hand in my face.

"I'm Henrik's girlfriend and you must be Morgana. I have heard some interesting stories about you."

Well f*ck me!





Chapter 15 - THE Joint ...

I'm blinking right now. Blinking like I have never blinked before. If there is an eye fluttering contest I will win it. I blink, trying desperately to understand how Mr. Payne can look me in the face, standing next to his girlfriend, knowing how he has fingered me up my vagina!

*This love tunnel, this thatched cottage,

This mountain majesty, this seat of Venus,

This other Eden, demi-pubes,

This valley built by Nature for her hand

Against infection (eww) and the hand of man,

This happy O, this little beaver,

This precious peach set in the red sea,

Which serves it on the office desk

Or with a dildo at home,

Against the envy of less happier cocks,--

This Lawrence of a Labia, this Notorious V.A.G., this Velvet Glove, this Vagina.

I stop blinking and smirk. Like the day I met him I plaster on the most fake smile I can muster, push my hand into Tiffany's bony one and give a punishing shake. Her grin slips into a painful grimace and she snaps her hand back, subtly trying to massage out the pain.

This is where I go overboard. Only Aria knows of my "psycho" tendencies when I am in stress. Well, stress that deals with men. I'm like a car accident, you don't want to look but you really actually do.

"Girlfriend! Well that is so great!" I squeal at the top of my lungs and then turn to my friends nodding furiously. "Isn't that great you guys and isn't she beautiful?"

I push out of the seat and throw my arms around Tiffany like she is the best friend I am reuniting with after a prolonged absence. As if I'm not acting bizarre enough I start to jump up and down and snort while still attached to her.

"Oh, Tiffany, I mean it you are simply divine." I feel a hand tugging at my arm and look back to see Aria glaring at me shaking her head while mouthing the word "no" to me. Stumbling back I hit the table and watch as the milkshake finally tips, rolls in my direction and splatters all over my jeans.

It's cold. Feels like icy shards of glass scraping down my leg but I'm still smiling like a loon.

"Are you all right, Ms. Drake?" Mr. Payne asks with the same expression he had on his face when I almost passed out during the interview.

Oh mighty gods of THE, keeper of all things THE, please don't let me punch him. Please.

"I'm fine." I growl at him between clenched teeth.

That answer should tell him to back away slowly because I'm feeling stabby. If a woman answers that she is okay, then she is okay. If a woman answers she is mad, she is pissed. If a woman answers she is "fine," it's too late for you, just hope it's over quickly.

I feel the hand yank me away from the table and I stumble along. Aria pulls me into a bathroom that makes airplane lavatories look spacious. I manage to squeeze past her to sit on the toilet so I have some room.

"Morgana, do you know why a dick gets hard?"

I roll my eyes and give in, "No why does a dick get hard, Aria?"

"To stay in shape."

I start blinking again at her. She shrugs and leans back on the wood grained wall.

"It's a scientific fact that a penis needs to periodically be engorged to maintain a healthy tone."

I'm still blinking but finally just shut my eyes and sigh. Then I groan and drop my head between my legs.

"How was that a joke or relevant in any way, Aria?"

"I just thought it was interesting. Plus it helped take your mind off of Mr. Payne for a moment."

She's right. The woman may make terrible jokes, but she is the best person I know who can divert my attention from the horribleness of my life. Right now only heroin might be a better distraction.