Cake Love: All Things Payne(34)

How can he love me and then so easily treat me like nothing, like I’m only his assistant when we are discovered? For that moment, when he said he loved me, I was shocked. I needed to know if he meant those words and it wasn’t just hormones raging through his body from sex. I wanted to talk to him about our feelings for each other afterward, preferably after work when we would have the privacy and levelheadedness we needed.

Only that never happened.

The doors swing open and I stomp my feet over the smooth beige tile floor of the lobby and push through the glass front door onto the street. I don’t look back as I make my way to the El train to head home. I wanted to stay with the Henrik who asked me about the movie I watched while making fun of my cake consumption, but he is fleeting. This cold, demanding Henrik I am quite happy to leave behind.

*****

Okay, so I really tried to leave Henrik back at Mimir, but it’s extremely hard not to think about him. He consumed my head last night even as I indulged at the best bakery in Chicago, Got Cake. I replayed yesterday over and over again. I felt guilty for leaving him after he professed his love while shoving cream cheese frosted red velvet cake in my mouth. Then I did a one eighty and thought, “So what if I left? Henrik has done it to me so many times, especially after sex. It's about time he got a taste of his own medicine.” Needless to say, I spattered crumbs everywhere. It wasn’t pretty.

This man has walked out on me right after sex multiple times; he’s toyed with my emotions and vagina as if he’s a five-year-old and I’m his favorite racecar. Not only that, but he lied to me. L-I-E-D! Lied to ME! Not telling me that the Mimir brothers never found out about the time Evaleen walked in on us or how I got fired from RT Mitchell is basically lying to me. Sure, he did it to help get my job back and save me major embarrassment from my co-workers and higher ups, but that’s not the point. The point is he lied.

So it isn't the worst thing he could do to me. And he did admit that he loved me, for which I didn't respond. You see the cycle I keep creating for myself?

I should have said something now that I think more about it, not left him hanging like that. Shit, I'm terrible aren't I? Here I am, riding up the elevator with an empty box I managed to snag from my favorite bakery to clear out my desk, and this is the moment I realize what a terrible shit I really am? It took me a full day to come to this conclusion? I need cake.

"Cake, that's the answer to everything isn't it Morgana?" My Brain smirks at me.

"I have had just about enough out of you. Where were you yesterday when I really needed you, Brain? Nowhere! How convenient it is that my love life and my job are ruined and NOW you decide to return? Thanks, thanks a lot!

The door dings as the elevator opens to let on a man and woman. They smile at me, but continue their conversation in hushed tones so I can't hear them as the lift begins to rise again.

"I have warned you many a time Morgana that sleeping with your boss would not end well, but you never listen to me. Now you have nothing. The least I can do is help you rebuild. Maybe Radio Shack is hiring." Brain rubs her squiggly chin in contemplation.

"You’re joking, right? I am not working at Radio Shack. No offense to them, I am sure it's a great place, but I was just the assistant to the Vice President of a multi-billion dollar company. I am not going to work for minimum wage at any place that has the word ‘shack’ in the title," I whisper yell, turning my head toward the wall as not to arouse suspicion from my elevator companions. I glance back to see they are still in the throes of their conversation.

"Oh, well, I didn't realize you have gone all high and mighty on me. If that's the case, we really have to buckle down once we get home and figure out what is going to happen. Because, in the past almost five months, you have gotten yourself fired not once, not twice, but three times -- twice from the same company -- for having sex. While that is certainly impressive, I just don't know how we can spin that in an interview."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I bellow out, "Fuck you Brain!"

I open my eyes when I hear the elevator open and see the couple staring at me slack jawed before they scramble out whispering and pointing at me as they go. Now there are two more people I can add to the list who think I am crazy.

After the door closes a moment later, the elevator lands on my floor. I push my shoulders back and pray that I don't run into anyone as I clear out my desk, especially the Mimir brothers. I just want to get my stuff and go. I turn the corner and see my desk just as the smell assaults me. The Brooks Bomb. How could I forget?

I guess this is my punishment for letting my vagina make decisions for me.

"It was worth it Morgana. So worth it," Vagina flaps her lips at me.

"For you maybe Vagina, but you don't have a nose. I am the one who has to smell this shit...literally!"

"Oh my god; Drake are you still talking to your body parts? I thought for sure if you finally got laid, you would stop doing that. I guess Payne just isn't that good in the sack. Figures."

I turn my head to see Evaleen walking up behind me. Ugh, one of the last people I wanted to see today. She called me all day yesterday and most of this morning. Of course I have been ignoring her calls, because who in their right mind wants to hear from their friend, and more importantly HR Manager, that they are being fired for getting busy with their boss on office furniture during business hours.