By Fate I Conquer (Sins of the Fathers #4)(49)

Dad cupped my face, searching my eyes. “You swear that Amo didn’t do anything?”

“He didn’t do anything except ask me to become his wife. He wants to strengthen the Famiglia I suppose and he doesn’t like Cressida very much.”

Dad looked at me a bit longer but seemed unable to detect the lie, maybe because for once, I’d wrapped it up in truths.

“Nevio attacked a future Capo in our territory,” Nino said. “Luca won’t be impressed. If we don’t want war, we need to consider our options.”

“If Amo dies under surgery, there’ll be war no matter what we do,” Dad said.

My heart squeezed tightly. I couldn’t even imagine Amo’s death without feeling like following him into the dark as well.

“Amo won’t die,” I said simply. “Nor will Nevio. They’ll both live.”

Mom took my hand, running her thumb over my knuckles in a way that had always calmed me, but even that wasn’t working in my current state.

Dad glanced at Nino. I could see that they thought war was inevitable. Tension had been rising for years. Mainly because Nevio and Amo couldn’t stand each other. Everyone expected war to break out once they both came to power.

“I’m scared, Mom,” I whispered when Dad, Nino, Massimo and Alessio had walked away to discuss strategies.

“Nevio is strong. He won’t die.”

“I know,” I said. “Neither of them will die. I’m scared of my heart, of the havoc it can wreak.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing. Nevio attacked before anything could happen, but Amo was going to kiss me and I would have let him.”

Mom couldn’t hide her surprise. “Okay. You and him?”

Was there Amo and me? It felt like we were over before we could ever happen. “We can’t be.”

“Because he’s engaged.”

“Because I’m Greta Falcone and he’s Amo Vitiello.”

Mom smiled sadly. “Your brother wanted to kill him because he doesn’t want you and Amo to be together.”

If Nevio had really intended on killing Amo, Amo would be dead. He would have aimed for his heart or throat. The attack was a last warning. And Nevio wasn’t dead because Amo had held back for me. Next time neither would be so lucky. “Nevio thinks I belong in Las Vegas. He thinks I won’t be safe anywhere else.”

“And what do you think?”

“Las Vegas is my home. This family is my safe haven. I don’t belong in New York. I wasn’t born to be at a Capo’s side.” And Amo was meant to be Capo. I didn’t want him to give this up for me.

Mom considered that. “You can be whatever you want to be.”

I gave her a grateful smile even if she was biased as my mother. “I know my limitations. And I can’t leave Nevio.”

“Nevio will be fine.” At the doubtful look on my face, she added, “Eventually. Nevio battles his very own demons even you are not equipped to fight. If you really love Amo, you shouldn’t let him go too quickly.”

What I felt for Amo was magnificent and new, but that was also the problem. I hadn’t had time to process everything. Too much was on the line for a spur of the moment decision. For the decision ahead of us absolute certainty was necessary. I couldn’t ask Amo to give up everything as long as I wasn’t absolutely sure about my feelings. What if I decided in six months that the novelty had worn off and that while I’d briefly fallen in love, I didn’t love him. He couldn’t undo what had happened by then. He’d lose too much. I didn’t want that burden on my shoulders. I couldn’t carry it. I had no experience with love, so how could I make an informed decision with minimal risks, especially if the consequences could be dire?

“Some things can’t be measured or quantified, Greta. And with love there’s always a flicker of uncertainty. You have to allow yourself to fall.”

I smiled because Mom knew me better than I thought. And I understood her reasoning. My letting myself fall when I risked plunging many others into the abyss for me wasn’t an option. “Have you never regretted leaving your family?”

Mom swallowed. “I knew it was the right choice for you and Nevio.”

“Would you have left as well if you hadn’t had us?”

Mom’s gaze slanted to Dad who was still in a discussion with Nino and now Fabiano.

“Maybe it would have taken me longer to come to terms with my love for your father but I’m sure eventually I would have gone to him.”

Mom’s family hadn’t tried to get her back. I couldn’t imagine mine reacting the same way. While Dad might accept love as a reason, Nevio wouldn’t.

For him love was difficult to grasp. For him devotion and love only existed in connection with our family, not outside of it. Everyone outside of our family was inconsequential to him. He was a bit like a livestock guardian dog. The puppies were introduced early to their herd or family they were supposed to protect. Everything they grew up with fell under their protection, everything that they encountered later in life was a potential threat.

“I know you and Amo don’t know each other. But what does your gut tell you? Do you think you love him?”

It defied logic, falling in love at first glance. I would have argued with anyone who would have told me it had happened to them, but I had fallen for Amo, and every time I saw him I only fell deeper. I was scared of what would happen if the fall ever ended. But falling in love wasn’t the same as loving someone. Or was it? The more I tried to dissect love, define it, box it up in a neat category, the more it confused me.