Breathe with Me (With Me in Seattle, #7)(14)

She swallows and glances at me, then back at the boats, like she’s nervous, so I scoot next to her and link her fingers with mine.

“I found an apartment and started dancing right away. From day one, it was twelve to fourteen hour days, dancing pretty much nonstop. I met Jax that first week too.” She smiles as she thinks back on that time. “He was a couple years older, but also new to the area, so we bonded. He has quite the story to tell.” She frowns suddenly and then turns those baby blues up to mine. “Maybe someday he’ll tell you about it. Anyway, we worked pretty much all the time. Classes went late into the evening, so sometimes we’d just sleep there at the studio and then get up in the morning and start all over again.”

Holy shit. I knew it would be a lot of work, but I had no idea it was all-encompassing. Is this what she tried to tell me that day on her porch?

“I thought my body was conditioned for it, but I hurt everywhere for a year solid. My feet, my joints, my mind. I was constantly exhausted. The auditions were nerve-wracking. I ended up in some small parts in shows. I did the Grammys and Tonys and began to make a name for myself in the community.” She smiles proudly and I squeeze her hand.

“I’m so proud of you, M.”

“Thank you. It was a lot of work. Physical and mental. So much f*cking competition. And oh my God, the things girls will do for parts! They’ll sleep with anyone!”

I immediately tense up and she laughs. “No, M, not me. But I admit, as I got older and the younger ones would come along, sniffing around a director or producer, my back immediately came up and I was like, ‘Oh no you don’t. You’re not going to sleep your way into my part.’”

“How did you end up touring?” I ask.

“You knew about that?”

“I paid attention,” I reply.

“Jax. He’s an awesome choreographer. The best there is. He choreographed shows for Justin, Beyonce and Pink. And then one day, Starla called.”

She smiles, lost in thought. Starla is a megastar, and I know that Mer toured with her for quite some time.

“Starla wanted Jax to choreograph her Belladonna tour, and he insisted that she hire us both, since we usually work together, especially when it comes to couples choreography, and she agreed. We had that gig for about four years.” She grins and takes a sip of water. “We traveled the world, M. I didn’t see much of it, because we worked so much, but it was fun to perform in front of all of those people every night. And Starla is just spectacular. What a performer. She works just as hard, if not harder than the rest of us.”

“You became friends.”

“We did.” She nods and shivers. I check my watch and realize that we’ve already been here for a couple hours. I grab a blanket for each of us, wrap one around Mer and then one around myself and sit, ready to listen to more. “And then Mom got sick.” Her voice turns softer and more distant, and she’s still watching the water like she’s watching it all play out like a movie. “I knew I had to come home. At first she didn’t want me to. She insisted that she was okay, and honestly if she’d still had Dad or Tiff here, I probably wouldn’t have come home when I did, but she had no one, M.”

I nod and rub her back soothingly, letting her talk.

“I was close to retirement age anyway.”

“You were twenty-seven.” My voice sounds exasperated to my own ears.

“Most dancers peak at twenty-five.” She shrugs, as if it is what it is. “Touring life gets old after a while, and Mom needed me.”

“Why did Jax come with you?”

“He’s older than me, and we’d been together since week one.” She bites her lip and watches me quietly for a moment. “Jax is the closest thing I’ve had to a sibling since Tiff died, M. We’d talked about opening a studio for a long time, and it felt like this was the time. And I’m glad we did. The studio is doing really well.”

“One more thing that I’m proud of you for,” I reply and kiss her knuckles again. “Keep going,” I say.

“Well, that’s pretty much it. The CliffsNotes version, anyway.”

“Will you go on tour again?” I hold my breath, waiting for her answer. Please say no.

“No,” she shakes her head. “That time of my life is done. We have been asked to choreograph Starla’s routine for the VMA’s next month, so we’ll be in LA for a few days for that, but things like that will be hit and miss. Our business is here.”

“Why does Jax call you all of the crazy nicknames?” I ask.

“Oh.” She swallows and cringes. “Well, eating disorders are pretty common in the dance world. That’s no secret.”

My hands fist in spite of myself and my whole body stills as I think of her hurting herself that way.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t get caught in that trap. Well,” she cringes again and bites her lip. “There was one director who was just a hard ass. More so than anyone else. He told me I was too big in the boob area.” She rolls her eyes. “I can’t help that I have boobs. But I thought that if I went on a diet, I might loose some weight. Jax caught on and gave me a verbal tongue lashing.”


“Good for him,” I murmur, pissed that anyone would even think that Meredith is fat. If anything, she’s always been too slender.