Boyfriend for Hire(40)

Just as I’m starting to panic, I remember I still have Christine’s number. I frantically compose a text to her.

Hey, Christine. Have you heard from Elle? Having a hard time getting a hold of her.

Pacing around my kitchen, I wait impatiently for her to reply. But when my phone chimes and I unlock the screen, the words I read make me feel like someone punched me in the stomach.

Yes, I have. I told her the truth about you.

I drop my phone on the counter. It feels like all the air has been sucked out of my lungs. I can’t believe Christine did that. I should have let her know that I was planning to tell Elle myself. Maybe then she would have understood, would have given me the chance to explain.

My phone chimes again and I scramble to check it, a small part of me still hopeful that Elle will reply.

But it’s just Christine. Rubbing salt into my wounds.

It’s over, Nic. She doesn’t want anything to do with you. With either of us.

I throw my phone across the room. I can’t take this anymore. Sinking into a chair, I bury my face in my hands, crushed under the weight of what all this means.

It should have been me who told her. I was ready to explain why I went into escort work, prove to her it was all in the past. I quit for her, left behind the most successful opportunity I’ve ever had in exchange for the chance to start a life with her. A new one. The kind of life I’ve always wanted but was never sure I could have or even deserved. With her by my side, I thought anything was possible.

Now, it’s hopeless. The dream I thought I was about to be living is gone. Over. Dead. I was stupid to think she’d ever want someone like me.

I grab a bottle of whiskey from my liquor cabinet and take a few swigs. Just as I settle into my seat on the couch, my phone rings from across the room. I sigh and go to answer it, a small part of me still hoping I’ll hear Elle’s voice on the other end.

But instead, it’s Case’s voice, which only makes me feel worse.

“Hey, I’m surprised you even answered. I was hoping you’d be too busy making sweet love to your lady right about now.”

When I don’t answer, Case clears his throat. “You all right, Nic? How’d it go?”

I sigh, then chug more whiskey. “It didn’t.”

“You’re going to have to give me more than that.”

“Christine told her before I could. Now she won’t talk to me.”

“Fuck, man, I’m sorry. What are you going to do?”

“Looks like I’m halfway through this bottle of whiskey. After that, no clue.”

Case pauses, the silence on the phone making me feel even more like shit. “Well, you can always come back to work if you want to.”

I snort, shaking my head and running my hand over my face. “I can’t go back to that life, Case. What’s done is done. Even if I can’t be with Elle, the time I had with her showed me that there’s more to life than this.”

“Whatever makes you happy, dude. Hey, you still have your old-lady client tomorrow. Want me to call her and cancel?”

Rubbing my temple with one hand, I close my eyes to think about it. Of all my clients, Esther was always the sweetest. And the thought of canceling on her at the last minute makes me feel like an absolutely worthless piece of shit. I couldn’t do it before, and I can’t do it now.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll go. Just one last time so I can tell her good-bye.”

? ? ?

I arrive at the country club the next day feeling like shit. I make a quick stop in the restroom to splash some water on my face before meeting Esther in the dining room.

When I look in the mirror, I hardly recognize the asshole staring back at me. Bloodshot eyes, gray bags hanging underneath them, messy hair. The only plus side is that it’s an accurate depiction of what’s happening on the inside.

I find Esther at our usual table, and she rises to greet me. We hug, and I kiss her on the cheek like always, choosing to ignore the worried look on her face.

“You look terrible,” she says, leaning toward me after we sit down.

“I feel terrible.” I prop my elbows on the table and run my hands through my hair.

“What is it? Did something happen with your girl?”

I grit my teeth, the corners of my eyes stinging. After clearing my throat, I take a sip of ice water. “Turns out she’s not my girl after all.”

Esther makes a small, sympathetic sound, reaching out to take my hand across the table.

I’m so tired from staying up drinking all night, I’ve pretty much lost every ounce of pride and self-control I had left. I’ve never felt more helpless in my life, and I know that Esther is the kind of woman who will truly listen.

“I quit my job yesterday. You’ll be the last client I’ll ever see. This job is the only thing I’ve ever been good at, and I quit so I could be with her. Stupid, right? Like quitting would make up for all the things that I’ve done.”

Esther squeezes my fingers. “What did she say when you told her?”

“I didn’t get the chance. Her friend told her about me before I could. She never knew what I did for a living—until her friend told her. Now she won’t talk to me. And I get that. I was a complete idiot to think that someone like her would want to be with someone like me. And the worst part is that I was so ready to change. Spending time with Elle showed me the kind of person I want to be, the kind of life I want to have. But it turns out that none of that was real. At the end of the day, I’m just a male whore who fell for one of his clients.”