Boyfriend Bargain (Hawthorne University #1)(91)

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Wisconsin with the team? I—I thought y’all didn’t fly home until tomorrow…” My voice stops, eagerly taking him in. He might be a shell of himself, but he looks eased, and there’s a softness around his mouth that wasn’t there at the Kappa party. His hair is everywhere, a tousled mess, but he’s shaved recently. There are still shadows on his skin and that empty look in his eyes, the one I see when I look in the mirror.

His gaze roves over me and he blinks, as if he’s taken aback. “Coach gave me permission to rent a car and drive back. It took four hours, but I had to see you.”

I just…stand there.

Frustration flits through his eyes and he rubs his hands over his face. “I drove straight to the rental place after the game. I haven’t slept, and I think I’m dreaming now that I see you…” His shoulders bunch up, his face weary. “I’ve made some mistakes, and fuck, I couldn’t talk to you, but I’m here. I’m ready.”





44





Zack





Fuck. She’s achingly beautiful with all her hair spilling around her bare shoulders, trailing down to her chest.

She gives me a hesitant nod and opens the door further. I ease inside, still dressed in the running clothes I put on after my shower in the locker room.

“What’s up with the luggage?” I ask, eyeing the brown leather bag sitting on her desk as we walk inside.

“I’m flying to Davenport tomorrow—today, actually.”

“Shit.” I stare down at her. “The will.”

“Yeah.” She crosses her arms over her chest and looks away from me.

“I didn’t think you were going.” I’ve missed so much.

“I changed my mind.” She motions to her side of the room and I head to her bed, falling back on it and sinking into her pillows. Fuck, I missed this. Her scent drifts around me, and I close my eyes and inhale.

I’m not looking but I hear her moving around as she opens up her closet.

“Shot of tequila?” she asks, and I shake my head no, shifting my gaze and watching her. “Well, I think I will have one.” Her hand trembles as she pours a splash into a paper cup and tosses it back. She looks back at me. “Why are you here?”

I ease up until I’m sitting. I’m fucking beat, my body spent from the series of games we’ve had these past couple weeks. “Why am I here?” I huff out a laugh. “For you. Always you.”

“Took you a while.” She studies me and her eyes are bright, as if she’s holding emotion back.

A long sigh comes from me. “I had to finish my season.”

“Hockey is first. I get it.” Her voice is shaky, and I sigh, knowing she’s hurting just as much as I am.

“No, it’s not like that.” I pause. “You gave up on us first, and I knew if I begged you to come back and you rejected me again, that…fuck, I might never go back and play.”

She looks down at her drink. Her lip trembles.

“You crushed me when you walked out, Sugar.” My voice cracks.

She blinks. “You know why I left.”

I let that go for a second, gathering myself as I stare at my hands. “I’ve been thinking about this conversation for weeks, and I need you to listen. God, please…just give me a chance.”

I glance up, and she’s watching me. “You’re here. Say whatever you want to say.”

“You weren’t prepared for how good it was between us.”

She stares at me.

“And when you discovered the truth about Willow, it was the proof you needed that I was just like everyone else.” I sigh. “But the thing is, you love me. You can’t breathe without me. You want me just as much as I want you.” I swallow, feeling panicked and thinking maybe I’m pushing her too far, but I have to. If you want the gold, you have to give it your all.

“It’s killing us both,” I say, pushing myself up to standing. “Seeing you dancing with some guy—I wanted to fucking kill him—” I take a deep breath. Let that shit go. You don’t own her. “I need to tell you about Willow.”

She takes a seat near the window and I pace around the room, wanting to go to her to hold her, but I need to get this all out. “Growing up, our mothers were best friends and Willow’s family was always around, hanging out, having dinners. We even took vacations together. When I turned sixteen, we went from friendship to sex to what I thought was love. But we were just kids.

“My mom passed away right before Christmas and then Willow told me she was pregnant a few weeks later. Two huge things slammed into me and I handled it like I do all things—I pushed it away and withdrew to figure it out. Should I marry her and come to HU and wait for her to graduate high school? Should I give up college hockey and stay with her? Should we get an abortion? What was I going to say to her parents? I wanted to do the right thing so bad, but I also wanted to play hockey. All of it freaked me out, and I didn’t show up to meet her at a party one night. I told Reece to take care of her, said I’d be there later. I was on my way when I came up on the cops and her car.”

Sadness washes over me, but I power through, clearing my throat.

“Listen to me, Sugar. I never felt for her the way I do you, not even a sliver of the same emotion. She isn’t you. Yes, you favor with the hair and similar features, but put you two side by side and it’s not even close anymore. Her eyes were brown. Yours are blue. You’re vastly different. It’s like me and Reece—we look alike, but once you know us, we are so different. I mean, can you tell the difference between the two of us?”