Boyfriend Bargain (Hawthorne University #1)(83)

I trudge out to the hallway and Long John Silver brushes against my legs. I give her a rub. “Hey, baby girl. You hungry?”

She meows and stalks to the kitchen, and I follow.

I don’t even notice him until I look up, but Reece sits at the table, dressed in gym shorts and an old shirt. He had his head down but it bobs up when he sees me.

We stare at each other and I mumble a terse greeting as I walk by. We’ve been stalking around each other for weeks now, barely speaking, but I won’t budge about Veronica. She isn’t allowed at this house. Once I’m gone after graduation, he can do whatever the hell he wants.

I stop at the fridge to pull out a Gatorade and suck it down. His eyes are on me, and I can’t resist asking, “Why are you up?”

He swallows. “So I could catch you and talk.”

I drink down the blue liquid. “Veronica isn’t welcome back.”

He flinches. “I know. I don’t blame you. What she did…” He shrugs and looks away.

I set my bottle on the counter and study my brother, taking in his bloodshot gaze, the purple bruises under his eyes, the haggard face. “Missing her, huh?”

His grey eyes find mine. “That’s right, good old Reece, always getting what Z doesn’t want.”

Tension zings through me, but it doesn’t have much heat. These past few weeks, I’ve lost some of the vitriol I spewed out the night Sugar walked away.

One thing is sure: I’m close to losing my brother. And that scares me.

He looks down at the gold box I brought out last night and set on the counter. “Those your letters?”

I give them a brief look and nod. “Yeah.”

“What are you doing with them?”

I toss my empty bottle in the trash, grab the box, and stick it inside my running backpack. “Letting them go.”

He blanches. “Where?”

Resignation colors my voice. “Where do you think? It’s time. I…I don’t love Willow, Reece. I haven’t for a long time. What we had wouldn’t have lasted. I was too young and so was she. You get that, don’t you?”

“Sugar, huh?” There’s an expression of acceptance on his face, a quiet realization.

My shoulders shift as I turn away from him and grab a protein bar from the cabinet.

“Z?”

I look over my shoulder. “Yeah?”

He licks his lips. “The photo of us…can I keep it?”

I give him a nod. I feel so tired. “Sure. It’s yours.” I open the box, pull it out, and hand it over.

“Thank you.” He takes it gingerly, as if it might fall apart in his hands.

I rub at my unshaven face and look away from him, finding it hard to take in his unhappiness. He’s hurting too. I catch a glimpse of myself in the hall mirror, and I’m death warmed over with my thin face, shaggy hair, and scruff that’s now grown into a thick, dark beard.

I look back at Reece and he’s watching me, pain etched on his features until they contort and his face compresses, his teeth chewing so hard on his bottom lip that blood comes out.

I walk over, grabbing a paper towel from the dispenser and giving it to him. “We’ve got to get past this, man. You’re my brother.”

He blots at his lip and shuffles to his feet. Staring at me, he opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, but then he doesn’t, his teeth clamping together.

“What?”

Misery plays over his face and he pinches the skin between his nose. “I need to tell you something about the night Willow died.”

Dread crawls over me. “Okay.”

An audible breath leaves his mouth. “The night of the party…you told me to tell Willow you needed to think about the baby and figure things out, but I didn’t tell her. I let her assume whatever she wanted about your absence. I don’t know what she was thinking, but she was worried, and I didn’t say a goddamn word.”

I frown. “But you said you did. You said you told her I was just thinking.”

“I lied.” His gaze holds mine.

I swallow. “Why?”

He paces around the kitchen, his hands rubbing at his face. I see a drop of blood forming on his lip again.

“Why?” I repeat, this time sharper. Reece is my brother, but if he’s lied to me or held something back… “Reece? What the fuck?”

He stops, his face white. “We sat outside talking, and I kissed her, man. I kissed her…and she kissed me back. She was so pretty and I wanted her…” He stops, his voice off. “I loved her, and it was my one shot, because I really thought you guys might break up since you were going to college, and she and I would still be there, and I didn’t even care that she was pregnant. I just wanted her.”

I ease down the cabinets until I’m sitting on the floor.

His fists curl. “I’m sorry I never told you.”

I lean my head back against the wood, my head spinning. I blink rapidly.

He pulls at his hair. “I’m the reason she ran out of that party. Me. She felt guilty for kissing me, and I tried to stop her, but all she wanted was you. She was going to find you.” He squeezes the edge of the table. “You’ve been carrying all that guilt and…I let you.”

I rub my chest. “Why?”