Block Shot (Hoops #2)(17)

“It’s a secret society that I’m not allowed to talk about. I’ve signed papers that I won’t, even though I told them tonight I’m not joining. Not after they asked . . . Not after what Prescott wanted me to do.”

“So let me get this straight. You’ve been running around like a fool all semester to get into this secret society of privileged spoiled brats, and you’ve done everything they asked. Tonight they crossed the line when they asked you to fuck the fat girl.”

“Banner, stop saying that,” he cuts in harshly.

“I’m sorry it’s so hard on you hearing that I’m fat,” I say, every word sardonic.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“And you,” I continue without acknowledging his denial, “were so outraged by Prescott’s heinous suggestion that you told them you don’t want to play his little games anymore.”

“It’s not . . . Yeah. I told them to fuck off.”

“Oh, I just bet you did. Then you come to me and all of a sudden, when you’ve shown no indication of being attracted to me, you just happen to decide we should fuck.” I get on my knees and face the door, glaring at him with X-ray vision through the cheap faux wood. “Am I getting this right, Jared?”

“No, it’s not right,” he yells back, frustration reaching through the flimsy door. “I told you I’ve liked you all semester.”

“And Cindy? Why did you stay with her if you were pining for me?”

“I don’t . . . shit, I don’t know. Habit? Someone convenient to fuck? What do you want me to say? I’ve never pretended to be anyone but who I am, Ban. I’m not gonna lie to you now.”

“Maybe you were curious,” I offer, fresh tears burning my eyes. “How it would be with someone . . .”

Fat.

“Like me,” I finish aloud, biting the insides of my cheeks to control the tears. “Maybe you didn’t want anyone to know. Were ashamed and needed someone like Cindy for show.”

“That’s bullshit.” Something slams into the door, startling me because I’m so close to it. “None of that is true, Banner. I promise you it isn’t. God, just open the door and give me a chance.”

“Why?” I ask, forcing a hollow laugh through my tears. “Let’s just call it a one-night stand and move on. I’m sure this won’t be your first time doing that.”

“It was more than that, and you know it.” He pauses. “It was more to me, Banner.”

I hate him. I hate the way he makes lies sound true and makes me melt inside when I should be hardening myself against him.

“Look, one night in four years is not some grand passion,” I tell him.

“But how do we know what it could be if you don’t give me a chance?”

“You had your chance, Foster, if you even wanted it.”

“I wanted it,” he growls through the door. “Don’t tell me what I wanted. You wanted it, too.”

“When I thought it was real, yeah.”

“It was fucking real. Just . . .” His voice trails off into the silence of the hall. “Believe me. Just please believe me, Banner.”

All the parts that felt beautiful with the lights off war with all the parts that felt hideous under the bright glare, under their cruel stares. I’ve never felt what I did tonight with Jared, but how can I know what really happened? Is it worth risking this kind of pain again if he’s lying to me?

No. I have dreams, ambitions, goals that will require all my focus. There is an uphill climb ahead of me, and I won’t make it if I’m broken.

“I don’t believe you,” I finally reply. “And I want you to leave me alone. Here’s what’s gonna happen. We’ll take our final. We’ll go our separate ways. I’m moving to New York and you can go wherever the hell you want.”

“Banner, don’t do this.”

“Go.”

“I’m not leaving.”

“Yeah, you are, buddy,” someone says from the hall. Sounds like my neighbor, Mr. Harden. “He bothering you, Banner?”

“No, I’m her . . .” Jared sighs heavily enough for me to hear it. “Please, sir, just stay out of this.”

“Banner, you want him to leave?”

Yes.

No.

I don’t know.

“Yes,” I answer, hoping I sound more sure than I am. “I need him to leave me alone.”

“That’s it,” Mr. Harden says. “I’m calling the cops.”

“Come on, man,” Jared says. “We’re just talking. Banner, tell him.”

“Call the cops, Mr. Harden.” I sound steady but hot tears squiggle streaks over my cheeks.

“Banner,” Jared growls.

“Just go before the cops get here.” I press my forehead to the door. “And we can forget this night ever happened.”

“You want to forget tonight?” Jared asks softly.

Forget the best sex of my life? Forget intimacy, closeness I didn’t think was possible? Set aside what I thought was true friendship between Jared and me? Dismiss the possibility of what this could have been had it been real?

“Yes.” My tone is final, cutting him out for good. “Leave my coat and my clients’ laundry. Mr. Harden, those are my things. Don’t let him take them.”