Blade of Secrets (Bladesmith #1)(77)

Because mostly I’m just terrified because I don’t know what I’m doing, and he’s just standing there. And is this supposed to feel this awkward?

As if he can feel the tension in me, Kellyn’s hands go to my face to steady me. No, to angle my head differently. And then his lips surround my upper lip, tugging gently. He pulls back and repeats the movement before turning his attention to my lower lip.

That’s when the change happens. Something clicks into place. I feel the tug of his lips all the way down in my toes. My fear evaporates, and there’s nothing but me and this boy.

And our lips.

And then I’m kissing him back. Because I get it now. And I understand why Temra always wants to sneak off to do this act. It’s wonderful and freeing and removes every other thought from my head.

No worries or fear. Just heat and lips pressed together, which turns into bodies pressed together. Kellyn angles me against one of the trees. And then he’s kissing me harder.

And I like that even more.

His hands slide from my cheeks to my arms, down to my hands, where he tangles our fingers and raises them high, pinning them to the tree above my head. The bark should be uncomfortable at my back, but for some reason it only makes this more exciting. Its sole purpose in life is to help me get closer to this boy, who has done nothing but protect me and try to understand me.

I want to protect and understand him, too.

I pull away to say, “I’m going to make you that weapon.”

His eyes take a moment to focus. “I didn’t realize this was a transaction.”

I grin. “It’s not. But I want to make you one all the same.”

“Only if you can do it while staying safe.”

“Okay.”

And then I feel stupid. The kissing was great, and then I interrupted it to say something stupid. And now the fear is coming back and the awkwardness and how can I look at him after this?

“Take a breath,” he says, not moving a muscle to step away from me. “You don’t need to panic.”

I bite my lip to keep from saying anything else stupid, but my traitorous eyes are trained on his lips.

“If you’re not done kissing me,” he says, “you need only lean forward. I can promise I will always return a kiss from you.”

Initiate it? Oh, no, I couldn’t do that. Is it different if I’m the one starting it? What if I do it wrong?

A breath of a laugh expels from his lips as he leans to the side, near my ear. “What is it like in that head of yours?”

“Busy,” I mutter.

“Maybe this will help.”

His lips trace the outline of my ear; then he’s kissing down my throat. When I make a sound that I don’t recognize, Kellyn pauses in place and continues to kiss that spot. He runs the tip of his tongue over it, sucks lightly, nips at it with his teeth before resuming his kissing.

I’m dying. The most embarrassing noises are coming out of me, and I don’t know how to stop.

He takes pity on me, lifting his head. I can breathe for all of half a second before I realize he’s only moving to the opposite side of my neck to try the exact same thing there.

And then my thoughts are swept away as something else fills their place.

Need.

I wrench his face up to mine so I can taste his lips again. He’s smiling against me. I can feel it.

Arrogant.

But I realize I’m smiling, too.

I think I’m up against that tree for hours. Because when Kellyn steps back, it’s dark outside. I hadn’t even noticed the cold until he wasn’t touching me anymore.

“If we don’t return to the house, someone will come looking for us,” he says between panting breaths.

Something delicious turns in my stomach to know I made him sound like that. Excited and out of breath.

“All right.”

But I don’t move. I’m stuck to that tree, my head wonderfully cloudy. I close my eyes, savoring what just happened, letting myself feel the memory of it.

And then his lips are there again. One last sweet reminder.

He grabs my hand and tugs me away. My legs feel stiff from disuse, but my lips are tingling.

Kellyn pauses when we’re just outside the house. Then he’s patting down my hair. Righting it, I realize. That only makes my face warm again. He takes my hands and tries to tug me inside with him.

“We should go in separately,” I rush to say.

He turns to me. “Because you’re embarrassed to be seen with me in front of my own family?”

“No, so that no one suspects what we were doing.”

“Ziva, everyone is going to take one look at you and know exactly what you were doing.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Your cheeks are stained red, your lips are swollen, and your clothes are rumpled.”

That has me backing away from the door. “I can’t go in there like this!”

“Do you want me to tell everyone you’re ill?”

“Yes, that’s a great idea.”

He looks up at the sky, and I realize he wasn’t serious. “I promise it won’t be that bad. Now come here.”

He tugs me through the door after him. Everyone is readying the dinner table. The house is warm and loud and full of movement. No one takes notice of us. Until his mother looks up and sees my hand in his. She smiles.