Blade of Secrets (Bladesmith #1)(44)

Am I being selfish? Am I making everything about me? Am I so pathetic that I don’t know how to be happy when a good thing is presented before me?

At the silence that follows, I say, “You’re probably wondering why I’m here.”

Kellyn looks at the bottom of his cup as he takes a drink. “Not really.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t have a job for me to do, and you haven’t finished the one I gave you. So you’re here for social reasons.”

Oh my Goddesses. I am. I mean, I do have something to discuss with him, but I haven’t even brought it up yet. I’m currently being social.

Don’t think too hard about it. Just keep talking.

“Our new home doesn’t feel safe,” I say. “I had to get out. I don’t know anybody in this city.” And I don’t want to.

“But you know me. So I was your only option.”

I tilt the cup in my hands so I can stare down into the dark contents. “I could have shut myself in my room.”

“Or made small talk with the scholar. Or did he take your sister’s side?”

“My sister’s side?”

“You had an argument, did you not? Why would you be here if you had your sister’s skirts to hide behind?”

I’m so shocked by his words that I nearly lose my grip on my tilted drink. “Excuse me?”

Kellyn rubs the side of one finger against his forehead. “That came out wrong. I just meant that you are attached to her. You can’t really start a sentence without looking to her to finish it.”

I feel my brow shoot up to my hairline.

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing. Just that you’re awfully dependent on her, and maybe it’s good for you to get out on your own every once in a while. Bladesmith, I’m trying to say I’m glad you came to see me.”

I can’t even begin to unpack those words. Should I pretend to take a drink from this cup I have no intention of actually consuming?

“I don’t like getting out,” I say.

“I know.”

“I hate most people.”

“I know.”

“I don’t even drink.”

He grins. “I guessed as much. You just like having something to hold in your hands, right?”

At that, I lock eyes with him. How has he guessed so much about me?

He thinks you’re a beauty.

My cheeks redden. This whole exchange is humiliating. If I ran out of here, would he chase me?

“What just happened?” he asks.

“What?”

“You were fine for a moment, and now you look ready to bolt. Did I do something?”

“No. It’s me.” It’s always me. “I’m not good at talking.”

“You’re doing perfectly.”

That’s kind of him to say, but I’m almost certain he’s lying for my benefit.

At my silence, he asks, “Are you ever going to tell me the rest of what that sword revealed to you about me?”

I look down at the wood grain of the table, twisting the cup in slow circles. “No.”

“Oh, come on. How can you not tell me my own secret?”

“It’s too humiliating,” I whisper.

His jaw clenches. “I did some things in my past that I’m not proud of. I want to know which one the sword told you about.”

At that, I backtrack immediately. “I didn’t mean humiliating for you! I meant humiliating for me!”

He relaxes visibly, understanding settling in. “I find you attractive.”

My chest grows tight, and I involuntarily hold my breath.

“I think it’s adorable when you stammer. I like that you don’t open up to most people. It makes it more of a challenge when I finally get you to trust me. You’re the perfect height. I barely have to bend down to be at eye level with you. When you fiddle with your hands, it makes me want to take them into my own, and—”

“Would you stop it!” I hiss between my teeth as loudly as I dare.

“Were any of those what the sword told you?”

“And then some!” I say rebukingly.

I can’t look at him. Doesn’t he realize how uncomfortable he’s making me? Is he amused by how unsettled I am? Was that his goal?

“I’m sorry,” he says. “You could even the score, though. Tell me some of your secrets about me. Then we would be even.”

“I don’t have any secrets about you.”

“Really? Then why did you come to me instead of staying with your family?”

In a voice barely above a whisper, I say, “They’ll kill me if they find out what I am.”

A heavy silence descends over the table. Meanwhile, the rest of the tavern is as busy as ever. Carrying on as if my whole life hasn’t fallen apart. As though I’m not the most scared I’ve ever been.

“They’re part of a religious sect that believes in exterminating magic at all costs. That’s why I’m here. I need to ask you if you would consider more money in exchange for me not making you a magicked longsword. I can’t risk revealing what I can do in this town. You were right about this city and these people. I fear for my life and my sister’s because of her relation to me.”