Blackmoore(11)

My face burned, my anger poised, like a wild animal coiled to spring.

I gripped my hands together, fighting to keep my temper under control.

29



J u l i a n n e D o n a l D s o n After a deep breath, I spoke in a low voice. “Yes, Mama. I want to be a waste of a human being. I want you to give up hope of my ever marrying.”

She laughed. “How droll you are, Kitty.”

“Kate. I wish to be called Kate.” I wanted to scream in frustration.

My voice rose, despite my great effort to control it. “How many times have I told you that? And how many times have I told you that I have no desire to be like you? Or Eleanor? To make a brilliant match—or any match at all! Hm, Mama? How many times? Because Henry swears it has been at least a hundred, and I have held fast in my decision for nearly two years now. I will refuse every man who is fool enough to propose to me.

So how many proposals must I refuse before you accept the fact that I will never marry?”

She narrowed her eyes, tilted her head to one side, and considered me in silence for a long moment, while my hands shook with anger and my face flushed hot. Finally she said in an offhand voice, “Three.” Then she turned back to her mirror.

My head jerked back with surprise. “What?”

“If you refuse three proposals while you are at Blackmoore, then I will accept the fact that you are a lost cause.” She picked up a hairbrush and ran it through her dark hair.

I caught my breath. “Are you saying that you will let me go to India if I refuse three proposals?”

Her smile flashed. “Oh, yes. That is exactly what I am saying.”

I stepped back, reeling, uncertain why, or how, I had suddenly won this allowance. “Thank you—” I started to say, but she held up one finger.

“And in return—”

My heart fell.

She laughed lightly at my expression. “Yes, darling, in return. For every bargain has two sides to it. Every interaction with another person is a potential transaction, an opportunity for gain. For everything you gain, you must pay. The wisest transaction is one in which you have the potential to gain far more than you pay.”

30



I hated it when she talked of business transactions. I hated how cold and unfeeling she was in her interactions with me. I hated feeling like I was nothing but a potential gain for her.

“Now let us discuss this transaction. If you succeed, you will go away to that godforsaken country where you might die or be lost at sea or some other calamity, and I will have lost a daughter who otherwise might marry well and make our family proud and provide for me in my old age.”

My mouth pulled tight with distaste.

“This is a great sacrifice I am willing to make for you, Kitty. And so you must be willing to make a sacrifice for me. It you fail to secure three proposals at Blackmoore, then you must agree to do whatever I ask of you.” She raised one dark eyebrow. “Whatever I ask of you, Kitty, without question, without running away, without fighting.”

My thoughts raced, balancing the allure of India against the very real consequence of being in my mother’s power should I fail. “Doing whatever you ask of me—that sounds like a highly open-ended agreement.”

“And?”

I hedged, trying to think of a valid reason to refuse her request. “And . . . what if you were to ask me to do something criminal? I could not agree.”

She turned back to her mirror with a look of disgust. “You should know me better than that. I would not ask you to do something criminal.

But if that concern would stop you, then perhaps you do not want to go to India as badly as you maintain.”

“I do!” My hand shot forward, as if attempting to grasp the hope she was dangling before me. “I do wish to go to India. I will agree to your terms, Mama. I will agree—without argument.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, and a deep sense of foreboding filled me, causing my heart to fall. What had she to smile about? What trap had I just fallen into? I backed away from her, wishing away the unease I felt. I would prevail. I would win my proposals. I would go to India, far from my mother’s reach. There was nothing to fear.

31



J u l i a n n e D o n a l D s o n I lifted my chin and said in a confident voice, “I will win three proposals at Blackmoore, and as soon I have them, I will leave. I will go directly to Aunt Charlotte’s. I shall not come home first.” I was nearly to the door. I reached for the handle.

She lifted one shoulder in a careless shrug. “It makes no difference to me when you leave, child. I will have washed my hands of you by then.” I opened the door. “Oh, Kitty?”

I paused, halfway through the doorway. She continued to brush her hair, gazing at her reflection with that small smile hovering around her lips. “No changing your mind, now. We have an agreement.”

I lifted an eyebrow in scorn. “You should know me better than that, Mama. I never change my mind.”

Watching her brush her hair, the hot anger I had been reining in gave a furious leap, breaking free of its restraints, and galloped through me.

She had won, in some way. Even though I had gained what I had come here to ask of her, I still felt sure that she had somehow won. Some trap had closed over me, and the chill that sat deep in my heart testified of it.