Black Ties and White Lies(65)

Margo watches me carefully, her lips pressed together as steam begins to billow around us once again. Once the water fills the bottom, I silently gesture for her to get in. She hesitantly dips one toe in, testing the temperature before stepping all the way in. I follow her. We find a comfortable position with my back against the end of the tub and her back to me.

She finds a bottle of bubbles on the edge of the tub, pouring almost half of it in as the water rises around us. Our bodies become fully submerged until bubbles threaten to spill over the sides.

Margo plays with the bubbles, letting them run through her fingers. “You’re quiet. What are you thinking about?”

“Just our earlier conversation.”

“About Carter?”

“I think you’re saying his name because you want to be punished for saying it…”

She shrugs against me. “Maybe.”

“I’ll remember that.”

Margo settles deeper into me. “Okay but really, tell me what you were thinking. You’re always so in your head. I want to see into it, to know what’s going through that brilliant mind of yours.”

I hold my tongue. I doubt she wants to know how much my “brilliant mind” has been muddled with thoughts of her recently. Way more than what’s acceptable for someone who’s supposed to only end up pretending to be engaged.

I trace the delicate slope of her shoulder. Her skin is so tan compared to mine. “You really want to know?”

She nods.

“I was just thinking about how I’ve never really cared that you weren’t mine. It didn’t matter to me that you were my brother’s. It didn’t stop me from wanting you. And deep down, I always knew eventually I’d stop at nothing to have you.”





My body stills against his. I turn my head, needing to look at him. I expect to find his usual smirk on his mouth. One that would tell me that he was joking, but I don’t find it. He looks right back at me, his eyebrows raised slightly, like he’s wanting me to call him out.

“You didn’t,” I breathe.

“You telling me that I’m lying?” he challenges.

I shake my head. “I just…”

Beck moves a wet piece of hair from my face. “Deep down, I think you knew there was something between us back then. I just think you didn’t want to admit it to yourself.”

My mind catapults to a memory I’ve worked hard at trying to forget. To one that wouldn’t ever truly go away, no matter how hard I tried.



I toss in bed, letting out an aggravated sigh that I haven’t been able to fall asleep. I spent an entire day in the sun, sleep should be reaching me easily. And yet it doesn’t.

Carter lets out a snore from behind me. I roll my eyes, annoyed he was able to fall asleep so quickly. Or maybe it’s the fact that he’d come in with promises of having sex with me. I’d argued at first, telling him we can’t possibly sleep together in the same house as the rest of the family. He’d had a good point when he said the beach house was fairly large. They wouldn’t be able to hear us. After his persistence, I’d agreed to it. It’d seemed like forever since we’d been intimate, and I missed my boyfriend.

Too bad he spent a few minutes fingering me and the moment I’d reached to return the favor, he’d stopped and complained of a headache from drinking all day. I hadn’t had an orgasm, and I nowhere near felt comfortable finding it for myself with him snoring next to me.

The inability to fall asleep mixed with the tightness in my stomach from being brought to the brink of release and not being able to get it has me throwing the soft sheet from my feet and getting up.

Carter doesn’t move an inch, too deep in sleep to notice his girlfriend leave the bed. I search for my things in the dark, sliding my flip flops on and grabbing my bag full of art supplies off the chair in the corner.

Stepping in front of the door, I take one last peek at Carter. Deep down, I think I’m hoping for him to wake up and ask me to come back to bed. I want the boyfriend who used to care about me back. Now, he seems disinterested in me, like I’m more of a nuisance than someone he loves. Every time I bring it up, he blames it on the stress of starting his first real job out of college. He keeps promising once he gets settled in there that things will change.

I won’t hold my breath. We’ve been making long distance work, but I’m moving out to California to be closer to him. Maybe that will change things. Deep down I’m worried that it won’t matter. Him wanting almost nothing to do with me anymore when we actually are together isn’t very promising. I still hold onto hope. He’s the only real boyfriend I’ve ever known, the only man I’ve ever loved. I want to cling to what we used to be—what we could be again—for as long as possible.

I stare at his sleeping form for a few more seconds before slipping out the bedroom door. I’ve luckily been able to memorize the layout of the house in the few days we’ve been staying with Carter’s family. Their vacation home is loads nicer than the actual home I grew up in. Just another reminder of how different the world I grew up in is from Carter’s.

In my few days of staying here, I’ve learned which floorboards creak and which ones don’t. I navigate them carefully, although I’m not sure it’s necessary. From Carter’s point earlier, I don’t think anyone in the house could hear me.