Bitter Sweet Heart (Lies, Hearts & Truths #2)(120)

Her expression softens. “You really are in love with him, aren’t you?”

“As complicated as it is, I am.”

“You know, I shouldn’t be surprised that he ended up falling in love with his professor. He was forever flirting with Robbie’s girlfriends when he first started bringing them around. And the last time he went out with a girl his own age was when he took a girl in his class to the eighth-grade dance.” She sets the crane on the table. “It’s taken me some time to get my head around the two of you as a couple, but I can see that you really care about him, and that he is head-over-ass in love with you. He seems . . . settled in a way I’ve never seen him before, like he’s sure of himself.” She smiles at me. “Whatever he decides moving forward, personally and professionally, Alex and I will support him.”





Forty-One





All the Ways to Break





Maverick





I’ve gone through bouts of insomnia before, but it’s never been like this. Every time I close my eyes, images of Clover in the cabin and Lavender when they found her at the carnival flash through my mind. And when I fall asleep, the nightmares are brain-melting. So it’s been nearly forty-eight hours since I slept, apart from that nap I took with Clover.

She’s just fallen asleep, and my phone is buzzing on the nightstand. It’s Lavender. I shouldn’t be surprised.

I can’t see Kody being able to keep what happened from her, and I honestly wouldn’t want him to. What happened yesterday was some crazy shit, and today he met with the coach from Philly and then flew back to New York. His head must be spinning. I know mine sure as hell is.

I roll out of bed and pad across the floor, answering the call with a whispered, “Hold on a sec.” I unlock the sliding door and step out into the warm summer air.

“Okay. Hey. What’s up?”

“Okay. Hey. What’s up?” she repeats.

“I’m taking it Kody is home.”

“Yes, Kodiak is home.” She’s silent for a moment before she asks, “Are you okay? And I don’t mean are you okay with the current state of the world. I mean, Kodiak told me what happened, so I know you have a girlfriend, which I called, by the way, but gotta be honest, the professor angle was a bit of a shocker. Also, the fact that her name is Clover is fitting. But when I’m asking if you’re okay, I mean mentally and emotionally, how are you handling what happened?”

“I’m okay?”

“I’m hanging up and calling you back on video chat.” The screen goes blank and then lights up again a second later.

I answer the call and drop down into one of the Adirondack chairs. Lavender’s face appears in the small screen. She’s sitting on a couch, cheek propped on her fist. “You look exhausted,” she says. “Are you even sleeping?”

“Right now, no.”

She purses her lips. “I mean in general. You have bags under your eyes. Big ones.”

I adjust the brim of my hat. “The whole training camp deal was stressful, and then this shit with Clover’s ex happened, so my sleep hasn’t been the most restful. But things should get better now, so you don’t need to worry about me.”

“That sounds like an awful lot of placating and bullshit.”

“Where’s Kody?”

“He’s passed out from his stress-purge pillow talk. My vagina is his truth serum. The poor guy. I don’t know how he managed to keep all that bottled up until after we had thank-God-he’s-not-going-far-away nookie.”

I cringe. “That’s way more information than I needed.”

“I know. I do it on purpose. But seriously, he filled me in on everything. I feel bad because I was over here making jokes to Mom about you and your four-week relationships, mostly as a way to get dirt on whatever’s going on with you, and all this shit was going down. I’m really worried about you, Mav, and not because you’re dating your professor, or because you’re on the fence about training camp.”

“What are you worried about, then?”

“What happened to your girlfriend yesterday seems a lot like an echo of what happened to me, and I don’t know that you’ve ever really dealt with the fallout of that. I want to tell you something important. And I need you to listen to what I’m saying and know that it comes from a place of love and concern. I know you have the tendency to take blame and hold on to it like it’s yours—kind of like Gollum and his precious. Please don’t do that with this. You couldn’t have known her ex was going to end up being a full-blown psychopath.”

“I actually don’t think you’re far off the mark there. He really just . . . lost his mind. And you’re right, it felt exactly like an echo of that day. Keep an eye on Kody, maybe?”

“Maybe stop trying to take care of everyone and focus on yourself, okay?”

I laugh and nod. “I’m working on that too. And as far as holding on to the blame, I’m learning how to let it go. I kept looking for forgiveness, and in some ways, I needed to hear it from the people I love. But now I realize the only way to get past any of this is if I give myself the forgiveness I need.” And as I say it, I know it’s true, and this is one step closer to that goal.