Beyond the Shadow of Night(88)

“Not that simple.”

“How so?”

“After talking to Asher today, I understand a lot more now about Father. And Mother. How it affected me.”

“You mean, like, the breakup?”

Diane didn’t reply, prompting Brad to ask if she was upset again.

“I’m good,” she said. “But thanks for asking.”

“I guess you’re right. It can never be that simple. If you’re not ready to tell me about what happened to your father in the war, can you tell me about your parents’ split? Don’t think you have to, but . . .”

“You know, I think I should.”

Diane put the bedside lamp on and eased herself up to sit cross-legged on her side of the bed. Brad turned to face her. He went to speak, but she shushed him. “Just listen,” she said.

She waited, gathering her thoughts before speaking again.

“I didn’t realize what was going on at the time. I guess a lot of kids don’t. And although I was sixteen, a kid is exactly what I was; I just didn’t realize it. Just like our neighbors I’d heard the arguments, but when it came to a head it was such a shock, I’m surprised my hair didn’t turn white. I went to stay with Mother, and she told me all about it. She said it happened gradually over about ten years, so gradually that it was hard for her to see, let alone control. Every argument they had she ended up giving in just a little more. He wanted to know exactly where she was going and when and who else would be there. He wanted to know the names and details of every man she worked with. But she had good friends, and in time she fought back. In the end she got stronger, and neither of them would give in. I remember Father packing me off to summer camp, and when I returned Mother was gone.”

“But . . . wasn’t that a good thing? Protecting you from the fallout?”

Diane shook her head. “I only found out later what had happened. She wanted to go out to the movies with a coworker, and he wouldn’t let her. She told him to go to hell, that she was going out whether he liked it or not. And when she came back he locked her in the house for three days.”

Brad stared open-mouthed at her.

“Yeah,” Diane said. “I would have been a bit inconvenient in the middle of that.”

Brad shaped his mouth to speak, but it took some time for any words to come. “I’m confused. I knew your father for a long time—at least, I thought I did. He never seemed like that.”

“That all happened a long time ago. And he’s good at pretending.”

“But . . . I mean, no disrespect to your mother, but these things have a habit of being exaggerated. I mean, locking her in the house? Really?”

“I was there a few weeks later when the cops came and cautioned him about it.”

Brad nodded. “I’m sorry. Jeez. So why the hell did you stay with him? Why didn’t you stay with your mother?”

“I tried. God, I tried. After the split I went to stay with Mother but promised Father I’d come stay with him, and when I did he . . .”

“What, Diane? What is it?”

“He said he couldn’t live alone, that everyone else had left him, and if I did, he’d . . .”

“What?”

“He’d . . . shoot himself.”

“God. That makes it worse, not better. Another reason to move out.”

“I was sixteen when he said that, Brad. Sixteen. And, hell, I loved my father. Whatever else happened he was a good father to me and I didn’t want to lose him. I told myself he’d get over it in time, promised myself I’d move out before I was twenty. But a few more years passed by. He made it easy to stay and I enjoyed life. Then, somehow, I was almost hitting thirty and the time to act had passed me by, although I tried a couple times and suffered for it. And when all’s said and done, I had a good time there. We enjoyed each other’s company, watched the same TV shows, and he never stopped me having friends and going out. It just seemed an unwritten agreement that I’d never leave him.”

“I’m shocked,” Brad replied. “I don’t mind admitting it, but I guess I come from a . . .”

“Normal family?”

“Hey. Don’t say that.”

“It’s okay,” Diane said. “Don’t be so polite.” She leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. “And thank you,” she said.

“For what?”

“Asking me to move in permanently. But I need a little more time.”

“Of course.”

“Just a little. Now let’s get some sleep.” She turned the light out and they settled side by side.

“I’ll try,” Brad said. “But sleeping after what I’ve just heard isn’t going to be easy.”

“It’s all said now. I’ve got it all out in the open. Relax.”

Brad’s arm tightened up a notch around her. It was welcome support in the sleepless hours she endured that night.

She tried to banish them, but the arguments she’d had with her father—the ones she hadn’t told Brad about—wouldn’t stop spinning around inside her head.

“I remember what you did to Mother.”

“It was a long time ago.”

“She warned me what you were like.”