Beyond the Shadow of Night(30)

Diane took a seat at the bare table in the bare room.

“Are you okay?” she said softly.

He shrugged his skinny shoulders. “It’s jail. There are worse places.”

“But I mean . . . are you keeping well? Is everybody treating you okay—your food and so on?”

“It’s adequate.”

“Good.” She nodded, conscious that this wasn’t how she wanted it to be at all. She’d as good as rehearsed what she was going to say—what she was going to demand of him. But now his familiar old face was here in front of her, it was different. “And are you taking care of yourself?” she said.

He didn’t answer. Just blinked those watery eyes of his a little and looked down.

“I’m really finding this hard,” Diane said, unveiling the smile she’d promised herself she would hide.

“I know.” Now he looked straight ahead and at her. He didn’t return the smile. “Diane,” he said. “Please don’t feel under any obligation to be polite to me.”

Diane’s smile turned to a scowl. Then she screwed her eyes up, trying to keep the tears at bay. A few forced their way through the roadblock and she quickly wiped them with the back of her hand.

“Okay,” she said, now more firmly. “So tell me, what the hell happened between you and my father?”

He glanced at the guard standing upright in front of the door like a big A and lowered his voice. “Diane, I never meant to cause you any distress. You do understand that, don’t you?”

Her eyes took a while to rove over his face, all the way from his shiny head to the white beard. She hesitated, a force of habit, but this was different. The nature of their relationship, as a divorce lawyer might say, had changed significantly. She tried her best to keep her voice unsentimental and hard-edged. “Seeing as you ask,” she said, “no, I don’t understand. I don’t understand one single bit.”

“I’m sure. I’m guessing you want an explanation.”

“You and my father are best buddies for years, then you kill him. So yes, please, I think I deserve an explanation.”

His mouth opened and shut a few times, but eventually the words came. “I’m not sure where to start, but the most important thing you should know is that none of this is your fault.”

Diane cursed under her breath and ran her hand through her hair roughly.

“Are you okay, Diane?”

“No, of course I’m not okay. You killed my father. You killed the man who—” She broke off and gulped, trying to control the tears. She wiped her face again and took a deep breath. “The point is, if we’re not doing politeness, please don’t patronize me.”

He nodded slowly, the tip of his white beard brushing against his orange jumpsuit. “I’ll try not to.”

“I need to know why you did this. I mean, what the hell happened between you two? You and Father had been best friends for years, brothers in all but blood was always the joke.” She focused on his eyes, unsure whether age or sorrow was making them watery, but she told herself to ignore his reactions. “You were best buddies, and do you know, I can’t remember a cross word between the two of you. Ever.”

“That’s true,” he said, sniffling. “There never was one. Not until last week.”

“I just . . . I don’t understand. I want to, but I don’t. I guess that’s why I’m here. I need you to tell me. I need to understand it for my own benefit. What the hell was it all about? What was so bad that it made you do that to your best friend?”

“You deserve an explanation, Diane. But I’m not sure how much to tell you.”

“Jesus Christ,” she hissed. “Everything is the answer. I want to know everything.”

“If I told you that, I think you might understand, but it would involve telling you things you’d rather not know.”

“Hey, let me be the judge of that.”

“And I’m not sure your father would want you to know what we fell out over.”

“I don’t care. I still want you to tell me everything.”

“Everything . . . ? It’s a long story. Your father never told you about when we were kids growing up in Ukraine, did he?”

“No, he didn’t.”

“Have you ever wondered why?”

“I guess I’m wondering right now. Father’s gone, and I want to hear everything you have to say about him.”

“Well . . .” He glanced once again at the guard. “I’ll explain it all to you the best I can. But it has to be you alone, and you must swear never to tell the authorities what I tell you. I’ll deny everything if you do.”

Diane screwed her eyes up again, this time in confusion. “What the hell does that mean? What does it matter to you what the authorities know? You’re going to prison, and you’re going to . . . to . . .”

“You can say it. I’m going to die in prison.”

“Okay. You’re going to die in prison. There. Happy? Because I certainly am. You killed the man I loved. And you’re going to die in prison for it.”

“It’s nice that you can say that about your father. We both know he wasn’t perfect.”

“Excuse me?” Diane said.