Beyond the Point(120)

Hannah finally looked up and locked her blue eyes on Dani’s face. “Who do I have to look beautiful for?”

Dani sighed and Avery scooted closer.

“You’re so young, Hannah, you have so much life ahead of you,” Avery said.

“Oh my God, would you stop?” Hannah shouted, then shook her head. “Don’t talk to me about my life. You have no idea. You weren’t there,” she said, turning to Avery. “You were never there when I needed you. Tim was gone all last year, and you left me over and over again. And now what? You just want to pretend like nothing’s changed? You know nothing about my life.”

Dani was shocked at the anger in Hannah’s voice, but in a way, she was also grateful. At least now she could speak her mind without having to tiptoe around everyone, being polite and charming. Death would do that, Dani realized. It would make you speak the truth, even if it was ugly.

Avery’s face, rather than looking hurt and defensive, fell in shame and sorrow.

“You’re right. Hannah, I’m so sorry. I fucked up. I really did. I let you down. I know that now.” Avery turned to look at Dani, as though Hannah’s anger confirmed her fear that their relationship was beyond repair. “I love you, Hannah. You know I love you.”

“What are you feeling?” Dani said, putting a hand on Hannah’s shoulder to calm her. “Explain it to us.”

Hannah grabbed her cross necklace, pulled at it, digging a line in her skin that turned red, as if she wanted to rip it off.

“This wasn’t how it was supposed to be,” she said. “We did everything right. We . . . we did everything we were supposed to do. We waited to have sex until we were married. We went to church. And read the Bible and prayed together. We trusted . . . that . . . God would take care of us. And now . . . what was that even worth?” Looking up to Dani, Hannah’s eyes were full of tears. “Take me home. Please. I don’t want to do this. I don’t have a reason to be beautiful anymore.”

“Then do it for you,” said Avery. Crouching down in front of Hannah, she put both hands on Hannah’s knees. “Be beautiful just for you.”

“You have millions of guys lining up for you all the time. I had one. One. And I lost him.”

“You think that’s it?” Avery sighed. “I just want to come here to look beautiful for all my thousands of boyfriends?”

“Millions,” Dani corrected.

“Hannah.” Avery sat down again on the bench. “I haven’t told you this because I didn’t think it was the right time. But Noah and I broke up. It turns out he was engaged.”

That seemed to shock Hannah into sitting up straight. She wiped her nose with her gloved hand. “What? You’re kidding. He met your parents!”

“I have never been in love like you and Tim. After everything that happened—I wanted to hate him, but the longer you two were together, the more I realized that I didn’t hate him, I hated that I couldn’t find what you had. You don’t think that makes me want to crawl in a hole and never come out? What y’all had . . . it was . . .”

“Once in a lifetime,” Dani said.

They sat outside for a few moments in silence. Hannah shivered and put her scarf back on.

“I’ll wax my eyebrows off, okay?” Avery suggested. “Or . . . I’ll shave my head. Do you want me to? You know I’ll do it.”

Hannah rolled her eyes.

“I’d pay to see that,” Dani offered, digging in her purse for cash. “Here’s a twenty for Avery going all GI Jane.”

“Tell me what I can do. It won’t make you feel better,” Avery said to Hannah. “But maybe it will make you smile. Name it. I’ll do it.”

“You know she will,” Dani said, laughing.

Hannah sat up straight. “Dye your hair.”

“You want me to dye my hair?” Avery repeated.

Hannah nodded. “We should all do it.”

“All right. You heard the girl,” Dani said. Her voice was full of competitive excitement. “Let’s move before she changes her mind. Hair dye it is.”

DANI SWIVELED BACK and forth in a chair, wearing a black cape snapped around her neck. All three girls faced away from the mirror: Hannah and Avery’s heads had been painted in wet, colored goop. Dani’s head was covered in aluminum foil. Underneath the wrap, the dye had grown warm and itchy on her scalp. The hairdresser promised it wouldn’t do too much permanent damage to Dani’s already bone-dry hair, but she honestly didn’t care. Hannah was smiling—she’d chosen the colors, keeping her choices a secret from Avery and Dani.

“Just tell me,” Avery begged Hannah. “What color did you choose? Please say it’s red. I’ve always wanted to be a redhead.”

Hannah smirked, then nodded to the stylists standing in front of them. For the first time since Tim had died, Dani thought she saw a faint glimpse of something like joy in Hannah’s eyes. She knew they were all at the end of their ropes, but at least they were hanging on together.

After washing and styling their hair, the stylists waited for their cue from Hannah.

“All right, turn us around,” Hannah said. “On the count of three.”

“Oh great,” Avery moaned. “Here we go.”